Dm took all the food for my kids!

[Littlechesnuttree]

Newly single mum here hi!

dm visited this weekend to ‘help’ largely consisted of me running errands for her and bringing cups of tea.

here’s the thing, she brought her dog who she only feeds meat (she won’t listen) so steak, chicken, mince etc.

i went to the butcher on the weekend and bought our meat for the month, steaks, whole chickens, lamb leg, chicken breast, meat and even duck breast.

all in all £80 or more likely. Had them in fridge before I could sort and put in freezer.

i had a kids bday party so was getting kids ready whilst dm was packing up.

go to the fridge this morning and it’s all gone… all the meat.

she thought I bought it for her dog. So now not only got to do a freezer tea for the kids but ive got to rebuy it all.

dm didn’t offer to replace and lives too far away to return.

aibu to think this is barmy behaviour? You check before you clean out someone’s fridge

Wonder how quickly I'd get banned if I gave this shit reply it deserves?

How about:

"Okay, Mum, it was a mistake. However, I've got no food in for the kids now and that was my budget for the month. I know you don't want to see the kids go hungry so do you want to transfer me the money or arrange a delivery from the butcher? Either works for me."

@Littlechesnuttree - I am sensing how frustrated you are by this whole situation that wasn't of your doing.
If it were me, I'd give my mother one final opportunity to right the wrong she has done to you and her grandkids.
It can't wait a month. It has to be sorted now as you have nothing to eat. How could she leave her daughter and grandkids without the fixings of their dinners? That's a whole other level of selfishness.

I'd contact her and tell her that she has 24 hours to transfer the money to you, or go online and replace each of the selections of meat and get them delivered to your home (at her expense, not yours). She can do an online shop of just meat (does your butcher have an online shop, or can you get the same types of meat from an online supermarket?) and cover the costs herself, but she does it now, or she can provide you with her debit/credit card number and the three digits on the back of the card along with the name on the card and the expiry date and you'll do an online shop but it gets sorted.

She is incredibly selfish and I'd actually tell her (once you get your meal fixings issue sorted) that she isn't to come up to visit as you can't believe she would do something like this to you.

Sending you lots of strength to get through this and the coming weeks!

Genuinely confused as to what OP has done to warrant being called that.

I can't understand how the idea of telling your bitch of a mother who stole a month's worth of food from her daughter and grandchildren to transfer the money so you can replace the food is more hassle than having to deal with no food and all the emotions that come with the fact that she stole from you?

I'm sorry you are newly separated but you need to stand up to that awful woman. She stole from you. Send her one text.

Mum, you stole from me and your grandchildren. You need to transfer the £80 to me NOW. You stole meat from my fridge which was meant for me and my DC to feed your DOG? Do you realise how that feels?

I wouldn't bother having her visit again.

Your mum really took all the meats in the fridge for her dog ???

No one can be that mad surely ?

She needs to send you the money to replace

She does know the dog will die from organ failure because just meat alone isn't nutritionally balanced enough?

Yes. Admittedly I’ve been vegetarian since my teens, and haven’t ever owned a dog, but surely ‘meat for human consumption, to feed a family for a month’ looks very different to ‘treats for a dog”?

If it were a normal interaction with a normal human they’d say oh shit sorry, let me send you the money or replace it, but what I’ll get is emotional blackmail, nasty snide comments, then she’ll melt down, feign a panic attack or something and then I’ll have to start calming her down before she threatens suicide or something stupid

(this happened before about dealing with a bathroom repair, I couldn’t sort as had a baby and she spiralled and became ‘suicidal’, parentheses is because of course she’s not actually suicidal but you deal with screaming and a mental break down on the phone that you (me) caused) it’s exhausting

I presume so, he has some kibble mixed in but will pick around it but has to have the fresh cooked meat (each meal) or he won’t eat apparently

I would give a hand made card to your mum for Xmas/her birthday saying I had a 80 pounds worth present for you mummy but your dog had eaten it.

But it doesn’t have to be exhausting. Just keep sending her the same message: please send me the £80 you took as I need to feed the kids. Don’t speak to her, or engage other than to keep sending that same message.

Can I have the name of your butcher where you got all that for 80 quid?
Just message her as everyone said. When she starts, just repeat it with “your grandchildren have no food.” Get the money then minimal contact.

OP get tough with her and text her saying you are appalled that she is not concerned that her grandchildren will have to eat cheap processed shit that she won’t even consider for her dog because she took it for her dog. Also tell her the kids know that granny has given their food to the dog.
I’d cut her off for this - it’s beyond reason

Oh OP I'm so sorry for all you are going through. You need to cut your mum out of your life, she sounds exactly like a close relative of mine who did this for years, lead up to wedding, my child being born, so much shit. All me me me and threats of suicide, WhatsApping a whole group of people whenever she didn't get enough attention, it was awful. And taking money. So much money from my dear sweet parents. You need to cut her out it will never change. She is a twisted narcissist with some sort of personality disorder. My relative was given various professional help and was pretty much told this but dismissed it. There is no cure. Sorry but you can't have your DC growing up around this. You are caving into her she STOLE from you she is now blaming you?!!!! Nope. Gone... Get her gone...

She knew what she was doing. You’ve absolutely got to ask the CF for the money. Who buys a leg of lamb for a dog?!?

100% This

I'm sorry.. I find it really sad that when she realised it was for you, she didn't immediately refund it. How can you take from your own child?

Your mother seems a very difficult person. You cannot afford for her to visit you if she takes the food from your children's mouths. I think you should tell her so. I am quite shocked your mother would steal your children's food.

Just don't do it again. £80 is worth getting her out of your life.

I wouldn't be seeing her anytime soon. The actual cheek of her.

Don’t be a pushover. Can’t believe you even entertained buying fucking steak for the dog to be honest. Tell her to send you 80 quid or not to fucking bother coming up again because she left your kids with no food. Did you really need mumsnet to tell you that?

It sounds like you have a huge amount going on, and the person you hoped to be able to rely on has absolutely proved otherwise. I'm really sorry OP, that's really tough.

I wouldn't go as far as to go no contact, but you know where you are with her now so any other offers of "help" result in a "no thanks Mum." and leave it at that.

Can you afford to replace the meat? I know it's a pain in terms of time, but if you can, I'd just do that, and chalk this one up to experience. It sounds, sadly, like you have to figure out how to make all of this work on your own.

While I have DH, we have ZERO support from family. All promises (usually when there's been drink taken) have never materialised. It's heartbreaking, but you have to steel yourself against it.

Your Mum is bang out of order. Hope you get sorted soon.

Your mother is a selfish... I can't say the word but you and your children deserve much better, especially under the circumstances. I'm sorry she has let you down.

Call her saying the kids have no food and she needs to transfer £80 today.

And never allow the cunt in your home again.