Dm took all the food for my kids!

[Littlechesnuttree]

Newly single mum here hi!

dm visited this weekend to ‘help’ largely consisted of me running errands for her and bringing cups of tea.

here’s the thing, she brought her dog who she only feeds meat (she won’t listen) so steak, chicken, mince etc.

i went to the butcher on the weekend and bought our meat for the month, steaks, whole chickens, lamb leg, chicken breast, meat and even duck breast.

all in all £80 or more likely. Had them in fridge before I could sort and put in freezer.

i had a kids bday party so was getting kids ready whilst dm was packing up.

go to the fridge this morning and it’s all gone… all the meat.

she thought I bought it for her dog. So now not only got to do a freezer tea for the kids but ive got to rebuy it all.

dm didn’t offer to replace and lives too far away to return.

aibu to think this is barmy behaviour? You check before you clean out someone’s fridge

Well I hope you tell her never to darken your doorstep again OP. She's a thief and a liar and a shit parent and grandparent. I'd tell her so as well. She's not going to kill herself, she's a manipulative arsehole. Unless you put a stop to this shit this is your life with her. She will continue the gaslighting and manipulation -it's a toxic relationship.

Hi OP, I just wanted to take a minute to tell you your doing really well. I'm pretty sure with a break up 2 weeks ago your pretty devastated about that. Yet your still at work, still being a mum and still having to be a parent to your own parent. Keep on hanging on things will get easier. Sorry about your mother, must be a nightmare

I think I’d get banned from Mn for replying how I want to with this but it’s 2 words and the second is off.

ive said that I’ve asked her for the money, she’s then turned Around and said if I’m going to be like that (the implication was petty) that I can consider it her fee for petrol and 3 days of babysitting 2 kids. I’ve told her I didn’t realise I was being charged and she’s ignoring me now.

so to be crystal clear with you as perhaps you have a problem with reading.

i called her, she said oh I thought it was for the dog, I’ve corrected that assumption and said no you asked for 2 steaks the rest was for me and the kids for the month, oh sorry it was an accident, ok fine but we’ve not got any food reallly for the next month, rubbish you can pop to the shop, I can’t afford to rebuy it all and I’m working so literally can’t get there, I’ll buy you the meat next time I’m up, but what about now? Queue the drama drama drama. End of conversation at work.

ive since asked her about the money and she’s said if I’m going to be like that consider it petrol and 3 days babysitting money

this is the cliffnotes version, of course more detail was said, but that’s the highlights. Hope that helps

Crikey, your mum’s a total cow (sorry!). I’d send a very unemotional message eg ‘As you know, that meat bar the two steaks labelled ‘for dog’ were for the children. I need you to transfer me the money/do an online shop for me, I can’t wait til you come next month’. If she plays funny buggers, then you can pull the emotional strings ‘Can’t believe you took the children’s food. If you’re refusing to replace it today, I don’t think I want you coming next month.’ No shits given here, I’m utterly appalled at her horrible behaviour. She should have done an online order as soon as you told her. This fake panic attack/suicide threats must be incredibly tiring.

Thank you, I feel like I’m drowning and some posters being rather aggressive haven’t helped.

my husband went on holiday… and never came back. (He’s not dead just an arse)

Your mom is so awful that it gave me an instant headache.

Wow!

That is unbelievable!!

She's a silly cow considering she's got the money, OP.
Also, that was a very expensive babysitter. She's definitely not thinking of your welfare is she? Christ, what a mess.

This is a perfect recommendation. I'm so sorry for the stress you're under, but if she's comfortable emotionally blackmailing you, I'd give it back to her. If she's worried about appearances, maybe even mention that everyone is shocked that she'd take her child/grandchildrens' food without word for her DOG. Blow off some steam by outgassing her, you know that it's all an act for her, but most of all, best of luck with everything (and worst of luck to the husband!)

I actually can't imagine the devastation of that OP. Better things are coming, he clearly didn't deserve you anyway. What an utter waster. You will recover from this and come out even stronger on the other side. No one will be able to devastate you like this again. Quite frankly though your mother isn't helping you. Its very clear that you are the one caring for her, which is the last thing you need right now.

If you've outright asked her and she's outright refused, go NC till she does. That's absolutely horrendous behaviour from a mother/grandmother.

Why on earth would she think that you bought that amount of prime meat cuts, including steak and a whole leg of lamb for her dog? It makes no sense.

Most of the people I know who raw feed their dogs don't do it using prime cuts and whole joints like that.

What an odd thread.

Take a deep breath @Littlechesnuttree , you are doing amazing considering everything that's going on. Your mother was out of order, the next time she comes over send her to the butchers with a list. That's if you have her back 😬

Your mother is horrible doing this to you, especially after your husband has just done this! What a cold hearted cow she is. Can you text her saying you really can't afford to replace all that meat so can she please send you the money and you need to feed your kids. Or would she really not care?

Are you still in contact with your ex? Can he send you some money to feed his kids?

I would seriously consider if you want to continue a relationship with you mother. She sounds toxic.

If she can't afford to wire you the £80, she cannot afford to feed her dog butcher-quality meat! Jesus wept.

I'm really sorry that the other responsible grown ups in your life who were supposed to be a key part of your support network have turned out to be so disappointing.

It's going to be a month without high quality meat and perhaps more supermarket pizzas and baked beans. As a one off, it's not going to do you all any harm. You can get through this month without rebuying the same expensive food. You'll do it, and you'll do it on your own.

You've a learnt a lot recently about who you can rely on, and whilst in many ways that's pretty damn upsetting, you are going to come through the other side of this knowing that when the shit hits the fan, you can survive anything. You've been dealt a shitty hand, but you're doing great, OP. You really are.

No more visits from your DM. You can't afford for her to regularly steal all your food.

Book the occasional third party babysitter. You'll get some respite at a considerably cheaper cost.

Your mother is a really shitty person, I'd text again saying you expect her to organise you a food delivery for tomorrow. Can you afford going low contact with her?

Do you get paid sick leave OP? you can go to the GP and get a sick note for 4 weeks due to stress? I think at times like these you need a minute to just grieve the relationship, find your feet and plan your future. Also take a holiday if you can you and the kids, just get away from it all

This doesn't help today, but can you get or do you know anyone who has a Costco card?
We buy most of our meat there. Good quality & decent price. You can also stock up on everything else. Brilliant coming up to Xmas as well.

OP, you poor woman.
I feel so so sorry for you.
Please be clear, your mother is absolute scum.
Taking food for her grandchildren, for her dog.
Try eggs, beans, lentil soups for the month.
Honestly it really is hard to believe.
If you can do without her, I would try.
She reads as utterly toxic.

I don't steal or take things that don't belong to me and then try to gaslight my victim into thinking they deserved to have their things taken.

Telling you to stand up for yourself with your mother and enforce sensible boundaries if she won't treat you with the respect you deserve (not to mention literally taking food from your children's mouths for her dog nonetheless!) doesn't mean I'm not a nice person in real life. I certainly am and would never treat people I profess to love or care for in this manner!

i can buy some more meat, wont be the same as I got a really good deal! But it will be fine, this week is going to be done crappy cooking. But I’ve got some mince in the freezer so we’ve got something. It’s the balls and the inconvenience.

id rather not contact him, he’ll end up painting me as an unfit mother. Yet fit enough to go on a holiday (rather than a family holiday with your kids) to see his family abroad. Funny that

I know the post is about her mother but I think she's had enough advice about her mother lol 😆. I think mostly she was venting, anonymously about her annoying inconsiderate mother. To the people saying she can just bank transfer many older people don't do online banking so I think that would be the reason she can't just transfer the money.

I wouldn't deal with it

'Mum, I'll speak to you when you've calmed down. I have to go and deal with the kids now'

And repeat every time she kicks off

No I don’t :( another reason why I’m so stressed, I just started my job and I’m in probabation so no sick pay until that’s passed. If that gets passed, I feel like I’m drowning honestly, can’t be proving my worth right now

IF (big if) your mother visits again, check your fridge/freezer/cupboards/her car before she leaves.
Let her have a tantrum. You can't trust her.