Dm took all the food for my kids!

[Littlechesnuttree]

Newly single mum here hi!

dm visited this weekend to ‘help’ largely consisted of me running errands for her and bringing cups of tea.

here’s the thing, she brought her dog who she only feeds meat (she won’t listen) so steak, chicken, mince etc.

i went to the butcher on the weekend and bought our meat for the month, steaks, whole chickens, lamb leg, chicken breast, meat and even duck breast.

all in all £80 or more likely. Had them in fridge before I could sort and put in freezer.

i had a kids bday party so was getting kids ready whilst dm was packing up.

go to the fridge this morning and it’s all gone… all the meat.

she thought I bought it for her dog. So now not only got to do a freezer tea for the kids but ive got to rebuy it all.

dm didn’t offer to replace and lives too far away to return.

aibu to think this is barmy behaviour? You check before you clean out someone’s fridge

Okay, share.

Fuck off with your ridiculous ageist crap about many older people don’t do online banking. Who do you think invented all this stuff in the first place??? Lol!

I’m an older person (60’s) and worked with IT most of my life and my dad (would have been 100 this year), worked with computers back in the 1970’s. He taught me BBC Basic (programming language) when I was about 13.

Lots of my friends (mostly retired and several are widowed), use online shopping and banking.

Some (older and younger) people don’t do online banking for various reasons.

I'm really shocked that a grandmother could be so selfish to her own daughter and grandchildren by taking their food and essentially giving it to her DOG!!!!!

I would have a lot of difficulty squaring this one off and I'd be telling said woman that I really couldn't afford to have her visit for the foreseeable as it's been very costly to you and you weren't aware that the visits came with terms and conditions and a payment plan.

You have my sympathies @Littlechesnuttree and my support. I think your mother is very very very wrong here and she needs to be seen to be making the situation right before I'd consider having her back for a visit and if that means that your kids don't see their grandmother for a while, so be it.

She could do it over the phone then. There really is no excuse for reimbursing op, ideally sending her a food delivery at a time to suit replacing all of the stolen food. This isn’t a case of being older.

I agree.
MN can be a shocking place for examples of the horrors that people have as family, but this is a new low.
She is a thundering disgrace to do this to her daughter and grandchildren.
Completely unbelievable.

Erm, where have I said if I do or do not like her?

she is a difficult character, and was before this, we have for instance many many differing views re politics, immigration etc and there are many things she says and does that I do NOT like.

BUT, and this may be flawed or as a result of trauma (thanks for those who posted on FOG, I’d not heard of it before and very interesting) but I still do have love for her, as she is my mum.

you might not have picked up on it on the thread, but things in my life have been less than rosey lately, so when she said she’d come up to help out. I accepted as I really hoped she would

You wrote this @Littlechesnuttree "you might not have picked up on it on the thread, but things in my life have been less than rosey lately, so when she said she’d come up to help out. I accepted as I really hoped she would"

I did pick that up. It was actually leaping out of the screen to me to be honest.

Your mother has really done a number on you and she has really done you and your kids wrong here. It's so frustrating as a complete outsider to see what you're saying and I want to find your mother and try to knock some sense into her! You've done nothing wrong here, you are the one who has been wronged. Your partner, your mother. They are both deserving of each other!

I know in time you will be able to look back on this and laugh how your mother took £80 worth of food for her DOG!!! Best pampered pooch this side of the Nile. It doesn't help in the immediate terms but you have a lot of support on here.

Stay strong. Have bolognese and savoury mince (Knorr does a good packet for this) and some salads or cold meats for a few meals. You'll be a much stronger and together woman after all of this has settled.

It's a proven fact that alot of older people don't do online stuff my mum included, it's not ageist to say it.... older people also use more cash than younger people.

Good for you for keeping up with technology but not everyone has....

Ohh and I don't consider someone in their 60s old either... you have many years of work left people live until they are 90 these days I consider late 70s to 80s to be older people. Not a 60 year old... not even a pensioner yet.

Jesus wept, how the AF could she possibly think the meat was for her dog??? Have you done this before for her? I mean if you’ve bought a pile of fresh meat for her dog before because it was on special or something I could sort of get it. But even then you would say something first right? She wouldn’t have just it looked it and assumed it was for her dog?
Get her to send you the money immediately.

Don’t get the comment of “she won’t listen” raw feeding is amazing!!
aside from that yeah your mum needs to pay you for it all. But how on earth did she feed £80 worth to one dog in that amount of time?

OMG OP that’s awful! Did you ask her to come or did she offer? Even if it’s the former, she should have told you before she came that she would be charging you because that essentially what this is. Then you would have had the choice to tell her to take a giant flying fuck to herself!

Gosh, that's very unreasonable of your mum. And also expecting to be waited on ! She should have been helping you with kids/meals etc. Is your mum normally selfish or was this a one off? I think you need to tell her that you need the money to replace the meat that she took

@Littlechesnuttree I really don't think you should continue talking to your mum after this.
You were going through a really shitty time, she came on the pretence of helping but didn't and then stole all of your expensive food. I get that you might need her help practically but you will be much happier with that kind of toxic BS out of your life.

I'd do what you can for now to stay afloat. Beans on toast/pasta/jacket potatoes/stir frys are all really quick meals and pretty nutritious. Cut yourself some slack. You are doing a really good job of holding things together whislt it sounds like your mum is trying to unpick the threads!
Stick a click and collect through from your local supermarket and add a nice bottle of wine or some chocolate for yourself.

Be kind to yourself.x

So sorry you are dealing with all this OP. Your Mum sounds quite (very) narcissistic and they are difficult to deal with but as you say she’s still your Mum and you still love her even if there are things about her you don’t like. She sounds quite exhausting. It might be worth reading some stuff around having a narcissistic parent to help you with strategies to deal with her.

for now just be kind to yourself and get a delivery of some groceries to tide you over or a take away and let the kids eat pizza or nuggets or something, it won’t hurt them for a stop gap situation. Get a treat for yourself as well.

It’s probably hard to see it now but you have learnt something from this so there is a positive.

I am so sorry for everything that you are going through. I must be really hard at the moment. Most people here just want to help and they very indignant on your behalf, for what your mother did to you. Most shockingly, is her total lack of remorse and the fact that she make herself a victim. Any normal person, when confronted with stealing someone's fridge content, would fell mortified and apologised. She seems very narcissist and self centred. If I were you, to avoid more drama und future disappoints from her, and save yourself from emotional abuse, would go low or no contact at the moment. Would you have any other relatives or friends in which you can rely on for support? Because, clearly, from her you are not getting any. All the best and you willget through it!

How sad. She seems more concerned about her dog than you. Try and set boundaries with her, especially when it comes to emotional blackmail and guilt tripping.

YANBU.
Your mother is very, very unreasonable for 1) Stealing from you and 2) feeding her dog a completely unsuitable diet. Fatty liver disease for a start awaits the dog.

I honestly can't believe that she has done this to you when your DH has left. It's really horrible of her. This could've really stressed you out.

Just a thief. No more, no less. Dog indeed, i'll remember that one when i'm round anyones house.