Dm took all the food for my kids!

[Littlechesnuttree]

Newly single mum here hi!

dm visited this weekend to ‘help’ largely consisted of me running errands for her and bringing cups of tea.

here’s the thing, she brought her dog who she only feeds meat (she won’t listen) so steak, chicken, mince etc.

i went to the butcher on the weekend and bought our meat for the month, steaks, whole chickens, lamb leg, chicken breast, meat and even duck breast.

all in all £80 or more likely. Had them in fridge before I could sort and put in freezer.

i had a kids bday party so was getting kids ready whilst dm was packing up.

go to the fridge this morning and it’s all gone… all the meat.

she thought I bought it for her dog. So now not only got to do a freezer tea for the kids but ive got to rebuy it all.

dm didn’t offer to replace and lives too far away to return.

aibu to think this is barmy behaviour? You check before you clean out someone’s fridge

This is utter bullshit. Nobody reasonable or sensible, or even with limited mental capacity would think a whole fridge full of meat in someone else's house was purchased for a house guest's dog!
She needs to transfer the money and I honestly wouldn't be speaking to her any more. Unless she's suffering from dementia, she's incredibly rude, selfish and frankly appalling!

It is hard to believe that your mum stole all of your meat for her dog. A leg of lamb and a chicken? I have never had a dog and even I know you never give them chicken as the bones can splinter in the throat.

If this is true then I definitely wouldn't be inviting the greedy old bag to stay any more.

Op, that's not a mother you want in your life. Consider going no contact with the selfish horrible boot.

I’m sorry that some PP have little to no reading comprehension nor empathy!

Your not so dear mother is a narcissist. I would read up on DARVO and FOG, to understand that she uses emotional black mail and blame to make YOU feel guilty and to also get you to do what she wants.

I would not expect that she will give you that money and l certainly would not be asking her to babysit EVER again!

Look at the gingerbread website for information on single family events etc.

Also, in regards to the food here are a few ideas that might help this month.

Mix lentils and vegetables in with your mince to bulk it out for a bolognaise sauce (blend the vegetables and lentils if your DC are as fussy as mine).

Do they like macaroni and cheese? Just suggesting it as it’s a hearty dish that doesn’t contain meat.

Could you afford a deliveroo or online supermarket order? Just suggesting it as you could choose a delivery time that suits you, as you are very busy juggling everything.

Sending 💐

Your mother is a selfish cow. No way she thought that was for her dog. She's stealing food from the mouths of her grandchildren and making your life harder to boot. Tell her to bloody well transfer you the money pronto.

@Littlechesnuttree I get it. I too have a relative who would think clearing out a family shop and giving it to the dog would be a perfectly reasonable thing to do (sigh). And then there's the inevitable hurt and histrionics at the injustice of being asked/expected to rectify the mess of their own creation.

I don't think she's likely to do any of the reasonable options open to her, like sending money so her grandchildren aren't going without the food she effectively stole from them, so I'd save your energy and chalk it up as a lost cause. At least now, though, you have evidence of what she's capable of and can factor that into decision-making - someone like that isn't going to be a good support and will just drain your already stretched emotional resources.

If you have something like Deliveroo or other home delivery services where you are, they often offer shopping delivery options - that could be an option? We've used that several times to get meat delivered from a butcher we like, when time has been tight. It would depend on opening hours, though. Or an evening home delivery from a supermarket (although it wouldn't be the same as a good butcher's options, it could be better than nothing).

Hang in there, you'll get through this and see how much better life can be without the dead weight of a useless ex and a narcissistic mother dragging you down.

I don't believe this story at all..

I can't imagine for a single second doing something so horrible to any of my kids, @Littlechesnuttree, and you have every right to be utterly furious. When we visit my son and his family, we go to the shops and buy food - we wouldn't dream of taking it out of the mouths of our son, our DIL and our granddaughter!

But I do understand and empathise when you say you haven't the bandwidth to cope with your mum's antics right now, nor with the hassle of getting her to pay you for the meat she took. It's easy to say what we would say in the situation - "You do realise that was YOUR grandkids' food for the month that you took, mum. Your grandkids will be going hungry, but as long as the dog is fed...." - but even without all the extra stress you are under at the moment, it can be very hard to say things like this to family.

She sounds like a selfish bitch, I would not put up with that. My response now would be stonewall. Dont message her, dont contact her at all and ignire her messages, complete silence. No contact with grandchildren since she thinks she needs to be paid for it. Wait until she realises she has gone too far this time and comes back with an apology. That is only one way to handle people like that, they have to come to the realisation by themselves.

This is awful and inexcusable of your mother. To clear out your whole freezer takes some effort. Even more petty that she saw it as “payment” for helping you out. You sound shattered! I get where you are coming from and life is hard as a single parent.

It would have been nice for her to treat you and your instead of all this fuss about a dog ffs. Without listing her “help” to you!

I can't believe the selfish woman isn't going to reimburse you immediately, or at least send an online shopping order to you. If she genuinely thought you'd bought a pile of meat for her dog, then she's crackers. Maybe one chicken breast but not all the meat you described. Can anyone else in the family lend you a few quid to tide you over until mum decides to refund you?

OP I've seen that you're getting a hard time from some posters. Just ignore the twats.

Just want to say that although I feel outraged on your behalf at how your own mother is treating you, I can also understand why you don't feel like you've got the bandwidth to deal with her antics right now. I think, if you were me, I'd pull back from that relationship and let her make any and all effort to see you and your kids, at her expense. I know that's easier said than done when you've had a lifetime of having your boundaries crossed by a narcissist - there are a few in my family too, and that's what I've had to do otherwise they massively take the piss. They still do take the piss now, given the slightest chance - but at least it's not massively!

Jumping on to agree with all the other posters saying to just message your mum and tell her to tranfer you the cash 😂the ony thing you've insisted on so far is that you asked for the money, but it sounds like actually you haven't told her to get on and send it so why not just do that, she is clearly taking the piss and would be horribly unreasonable to refuse

FFS you've been unjustly pounced on here, OP.

I 100% get that asking her would be a hiding to nothing - just from the way you've described your mum here.

From what I've read, pushing your mum aggressively for a bank transfer would probably backfire so spectacularly, you'd end up losing the offer to have the food re-bought next month.

You're doing so well. Chin up, keep moving forward. If your husband upped and left without a backward glance, you're stronger without him.

💛

Tell her to send you the money and if she doesn't, don't allow her to visit you again.

I'm really sorry OP, your mum is a cow and some of the people on here need reading comprehension lessons.

I'd be cutting right back on the contact with her is I were you and tell her next time she wants to come that you don't want her coming back until she's recompensed you for the inconvenience of her stealing her daughter and grandchildren's food. If she kicks off I'd block her. No one needs this sort of shit in their life especially not you at the present time.

Also sorry your ex is a dick, you'll get through this and at some point will look back and realise it was the best thing he ever did for you.

I'm sorry OP, that was so inconsiderate of her. It is so ridiculous but clearly not so unusual behaviour for her. Of course YANBU.

I do hope she repays next time she comes - but I know it won't help when you don't have the time or money to replace the meat.

Yes my butchers deliver. Worth a try, especially if it’s free delivery!
i also ask on the phone what’s on offer.

you won't get banned from mumsnet for telling anyone to FUCK OFF.

Anyway, if you need any good filling vegetarian recipes I'm sure the good kind folk of mumsnet will be happy to help.

My DM used to pull stunts like this then try to wheedle out rather than apologise and put things right. We’ve never had a good relationship though so apologies OP if you have an otherwise good relationship with your DM and my response is less accommodating to the old bat than it could be.

Rather than apologise the DM is digging her heels in and diverting, expecting you to back down maybe because that is what she has conditioned you to do. But you are an adult, you can meet her on home turf as an equal rather than as child speaking to parent. This woman has stolen your DC's food and that is outrageous, if there's ever a time to unleash your momma bear and go nuclear on someone this is it.

I'd message her so it's in writing, be assertive, spell it out in simple language and not back down. Tell her you are going through enough and have more important priorities right now so you do not have the capacity for her bullshit. That she may fancy herself as having helped during her visit but vanishing with her GCs food is no help at all. Tell her that trying to worm out by making it about her travelling costs is insulting. Give her your bank details and reinforce that she has stolen her GC's food for an entire month to feed a damed spoilt dog and that you expect to be repaid right now so you can feed your family. Taking you shopping next month isn't an option because unless she reimburses you now there will not be a visit at all. Tell her you do not want an argument but she is giving you no choice, and that what happens next is up to her.

Hi OP, just reading to the end of the thread and I could be completely wrong about this, but I was thinking about the timing of your Mum's behaviour just as you are going through the break up trauma and newly single, the implausibility of her not knowing that £80 worth of meat wasn't intended for the damn dog. Her refusal to repay and then claiming it as childcare fee.

I think (and I could be completely wrong here) that she did this on purpose.
She'd worked out that as you were newly single, with a new job. You were at the centre of all this, not her and she thought that she might be called upon to help out a bit more and being an inherently selfish person, she chose to behave like this to put you off asking.

Nearly everyone has said go LC or NC and don't contact her for a while, you cant rely on her etc... So if this was what she was angling for ... with a nice slice of me me drama on the side... she's achieved her aim and will somehow portray herself as a victim "Oh I did all that driving and childcare and all I took was a bit of meat for the dog. "

I say this because it reminds me of the actions of a v good friend when we had a major medical emergency and they more or less ghosted me and my DC, who were supposed to be good friends with their DC. It dawned on me after a while that they were making sure they weren't asked to help out in any way. I managed perfectly well without any help, but it really hurt at a time when I could have done without that.

For what its worth, I think the pps are right. You can't rely on her and I think its also just an extra burden to deal with this drama at a time when you have enough on your plate. But I predict when she realises the drama has died down, and she's lost her audience, she'll be back for an update.

@DuckbilledSplatterPuff the mother had the perfect excuse of not being able to help as she lives far away, she wouldn't have to conjure up an elaborate scheme of stealing meat to excuse herself from future visits as she can simply say she lives too far away.