Dm took all the food for my kids!

[Littlechesnuttree]

Newly single mum here hi!

dm visited this weekend to ‘help’ largely consisted of me running errands for her and bringing cups of tea.

here’s the thing, she brought her dog who she only feeds meat (she won’t listen) so steak, chicken, mince etc.

i went to the butcher on the weekend and bought our meat for the month, steaks, whole chickens, lamb leg, chicken breast, meat and even duck breast.

all in all £80 or more likely. Had them in fridge before I could sort and put in freezer.

i had a kids bday party so was getting kids ready whilst dm was packing up.

go to the fridge this morning and it’s all gone… all the meat.

she thought I bought it for her dog. So now not only got to do a freezer tea for the kids but ive got to rebuy it all.

dm didn’t offer to replace and lives too far away to return.

aibu to think this is barmy behaviour? You check before you clean out someone’s fridge

If this is true, I'd be cutting my mother off for this.

I honestly wouldnt host her again. Tell her you can't afford it and she has to send you the £80.

@Littlechesnuttree just popping in to say you sound an amazing woman to be dealing with this shit show so well. Your DM is a nightmare. Good riddance to your (unD) H. Massive unmumsnetty hugs x

Your going to get mad but the reason so many posters say it is because its true.

You keep saying you have 'asked for the money' but when you post what you claim to have actually said you haven't 'asked' you made roundabout statements.

You also don't need to 'ask' you need to straight up 'tell' her that she stole and to give the money straight back, its not an 'optional' thing she can say 'no thanks' too. Put consequences in place.

This is just bad communication and lack of backbone from you.

Your willing to let your kids go without rather than stand up to your mother... do you usually put your kids last? because thats what you are willfully accepting.

That was a horribly selfish thing to do. Quite rude and thoughtless too. I wouldn't be in a hurry to invite her again. Of course she should have paid you back the money for the meat.

Next time she comes down to 'help' make sure everything is run down and you just shop for the days food. Eat beans on toast for tea etc.

My friends mil used to babysit and would empty all the food as she left. My mate then just shopped for food every day and cooked after her mil had left. It seems some grandparents are happy to take food out of their grandkids mouths.

When she asks where the food is just say you.live hand to mouth or you can't afford a mix up like last time.

OP it was shitty of your mum but I don't know why you're being piled on because you apparently haven't asked for the money back. There's pretty much nothing you can do to get your own flesh and blood to give something back when she was welcomed into your home.

I think you know that you can't rely on her. Don't ever count on her for childcare again. Also, make sure you ensure that she isn't welcome in your home until she refunds the money and you don't lift a toe to facilitate any access between her and her grandchildren. It works both ways. You're too busy for this shit and she is not helpful or enjoyable. Whether she's your mum or not you don't have to accept that in your life

I don't know why some people are being such twunts to you, OP.
Your mother is clearly abusive and manipulative. I'd not have her and her dog over again, personally.

She cannot feed a dog raw chicken ffs it'll get salmonella! JFC

Also, why are you only feeding your kids meat? £80 worth of meat is far too much for two kids for a month, that's insane. If that's their diet for their entire childhood they'll end up with blocked arteries as adults

She cooks the dog's meat, the OP says.
And who's said the OP 'only' feeds her kids meat?

OP , I bet you didn't think you'd be fully interrogated when you started this thread !

You're going through a new and difficult time , take care and move on 💐

It was butcher meat not supermarket own brand meat. One adult two children with a balanced diet could spend that easily. Op also mentioned steak and duck breast so it not cheep value mince.

Anyway this post is about a grandmother stealing her newly single daughter and grandchildren food. What possesses you to kick someone while they are down? Are you happy with who you are?

@Littlechesnuttree your mum has behaved really appallingly, and at the worst possible time
Ignore all the "grow a backbone" shite on here, you're perfectly entitled to have a moan

OP I would go no contact with your mother. Your op says you ran around after her making cups of tea. Then she stole, made excuses then said it was payment for all the help she gave you. What help? After school club on a Friday for two kids won't cost £80.

I have a nasty emotionally damaging mother. I've been close to cutting her out so many times. Recently she asked me for a favour and I couldn't help I told her my car was broken I can't fix it as I need to feed the kids etc. She put a thousand pounds in my bank. I'm nothing but a disappointment to the woman, but knowing her grand kids were on value diet while mum saves to fix the car was unacceptable to her. What kind of grandmother does what your mother has done?

Oh come on. She's clearly not only feeding her kids meat, because you can't feed two kids and an adult for a month on solely £80 of meat, can you? You'd run out of food!

Food is expensive, especially meat, and OP has done that part of her food shopping a month in advance because she's got a freezer and she can. It doesn't mean she's not buying vegetables and so on as well! Seriously, you're grasping at straws to attack the OP on this one.

Op I’m really sorry to read this. I have a mother like yours. People with nice mothers won’t understand it and will try to blame you (just like your own mother does). Op you are doing enormously well, despite having such shits in your life. For the following month, I’d now work with what I have. Ie no meat. There are some child friendly veg pleasers, that aren’t hard to make, for instance rice based, baked pots with cheese and beans, or maybe things like scrambled eggs on toast. Also veggie cheap treats like pop corn kernels (80p a bag and take 5 min to cook in a pot). Think student food!

Anyway, you are doing BRILLIANTLY what with the new job, and holding your cool against some absolute nut jobs on this thread (all no doubt people who absolutely don’t know what it’s like to have a narcissistic mother like yours, and yes I know the phrase gets bandied around, but that’s what she sounds like).

Good luck, I’ll be thinking of you, and hoping better times are round the corner.

I'd be telling her very clearly that if she won't send you money to replace now not to bother coming again.

Oh OP, you have been through a lot recently, and your mum should be supporting you, not making things worse.

she basically said consider it my fee for babysitting all weekend, by that she means the 2 hrs on the weekend when I had a lie down and the 1.5 hrs Friday evening after school

At this point, I would tell her not to bother coming down again in a few weeks, as you can't afford her 'babysitting' fees. (But I appreciate that's easier said than done, but this would cause me to turn so petty!).
It seems like her coming down is more of a hindrance than help.

Don't invite her next month, and if she asks to come, tell her that if her "help" is going to cost you £80 and your children's dinners for a month then you don't want her help.

Help isn't help if it costs you money and causes you more work than if you hadn't received the help!

OP, I 100% believe you. Unfortunately, I had a 'Mother' like that. All about her. Even to the detriment of her own grandchildren. And yes, it will ramp up when you are already struggling (ie husband walks out). It is Narcissistic behaviour.

You won't ever get the money from her - 'babysitting fees' (!!!)
All you can do now is KNOW that she will NEVER have your back.
Buy what you can to feed them this month. They will be okay.
Yes she can come next month & drop off a bag of meat to replace
but she is unlikely to & you would save yourself £80 worth of drama & misery if you just went No Contact now.

Concentrate on your new job. You are doing brilliantly x

I'm sorry. It is not what you, or your children / her grandchildren deserve. x

There wouldn't be a next time for me

Thiss ^^

The only time there'd be a next time from me was if there was an apology over babysitting fees, a payment of the money for the meat and an apology from the DM over being so stupid/selfish to take meat which obviously wasn't for her dog.

And no, I would not be buying meat for her dog again.

Poor OP. Horrible shitty entitled mother. Who steals food from their own child and grandchildren? For their DOG???

She’s awful OP. Just awful.

Just tell her you want the money transfered asap and also tell her she won't be welcome into your house until she gives you the money. Ie - no visit next month. Or tell her not to bring the dog and she won't be back. I wouldn't want a theif in my house. If you said you have got 2 steaks for the dog and takes EVERYTHING she's obviously stollen off you no matter what she says