Dm took all the food for my kids!

[Littlechesnuttree]

Newly single mum here hi!

dm visited this weekend to ‘help’ largely consisted of me running errands for her and bringing cups of tea.

here’s the thing, she brought her dog who she only feeds meat (she won’t listen) so steak, chicken, mince etc.

i went to the butcher on the weekend and bought our meat for the month, steaks, whole chickens, lamb leg, chicken breast, meat and even duck breast.

all in all £80 or more likely. Had them in fridge before I could sort and put in freezer.

i had a kids bday party so was getting kids ready whilst dm was packing up.

go to the fridge this morning and it’s all gone… all the meat.

she thought I bought it for her dog. So now not only got to do a freezer tea for the kids but ive got to rebuy it all.

dm didn’t offer to replace and lives too far away to return.

aibu to think this is barmy behaviour? You check before you clean out someone’s fridge

You really have had the 💩shoveled at you recently! Your NAADH can sit on it and rotate.

You are doing great handling all that has been dumped on you and you will get even stronger as time goes on.

Hang in there and some Un-Mumsnet {{HUGS}} to you and your DC.

Because i finish at 5, I then drive to get my children and I probably get there at 5:45, by the time I get them and get to the car, it’s like 6:15 (there’s always a huge wait) then when they get in they need to have tea, so by the time that’s all done, it’s 7. Then I need to tidy up and then bath and bed for them 8/8:30 to be up at 7 the next day. They are young so need a full nights sleep

"ive clearly asked her for the money to which she basically said consider it my fee for babysitting all weekend, by that she means the 2 hrs on the weekend when I had a lie down and the 1.5 hrs Friday evening after school"

So what she means is she stole it from you.

Once she's telling you to "consider it her fee" which you didn't agree to, it's now direct theft.

I would just cut her off if I were you.

She's more drama than it's worth.

She knew, she is clearly just selfish. I would think twice of asking for her help again as she sounds more trouble than shes worth sorry OP x

💯⬆Perfectly said!

@Littlechesnuttree You and your DC deserve so much better than the treatment you are getting from your mother. Sometimes, we need to "make" a new family, when our own is too toxic for happiness.

This isn’t something you should need to justify.

Simple answer is, in my experience anyway, butchers aren’t open beyond 5pm unless they’re a butcher counter in a supermarket - and, in a lot of cases, they’re closed long before that!! So, if you work office hours, the only chance you get to go in a butchers is lunchtime (if it’s close enough) but then you have the issue of where do you store a month’s worth of fresh meat until the end of the day; or, as you do, wait till the weekend and go in on a Saturday - which doesn’t help when you’ve nothing in to replace the meat you were relying on for this week!!

Nor should you have had some of the shitty answers you’ve got here from people just because you haven’t explicitly said “I told ‘d’M that I need her to give me the money immediately so I can replace the meat at my
convenience and her reply was that I was having a laugh and that it was her ‘reward’ for doing me a favour by coming over for a couple of days”

OP I'm so sorry, you've been massively let down, you are doing brilliantly just keep going.
Of course you don't feel like dealing with the whole mum situation right now.
For now can you do an online shop to keep you going this month, and don't contact or reply to your mum for a while. Give yourself some headspace to think about how you will deal with her in the future. People like that suck all the oxygen from a room so you can't think straight. Take a break from her drama.
In a week or two, you can think about whether your life would be better with her out of it.
You might want to come back to this thread then too, there are some very good suggestions for how to deal with her, but I don't think now is the time, I think you said earlier you don't have the bandwidth. I get that. You have enough going on.

You can do this, you ARE doing it.

She's a top grade CF (unless there's a back story here). So she's now saying she charges you that much for babysitting her grandchildren for 3.5 hrs - tell her she's far too expensive and you wont be using her again for sure. Seriously - she's deeply unpleasant.

She’s evil and batshit.

What’s the mad shit?

that I’m on probation from work? Is this not common with new jobs, newly single mum or no mentioned that in the Op, mum feeds dog meat, yeah mentioned in op, work 9/5- yeah that’s in there too- also a pretty normal working hours wise.

pray tell how did you feel when your husband up and left you with 2 young children? Full of the joie de vivre or actually that it was a really tough situation and you felt overwhelmed?

Just ignore the troll. Their bridge must be down for repairs.

Bloody hell, what's she got - a T-Rex?

Stick a fork in me, I'm done! 😆😂

I know it's a typo, but it's just perfect!

Can you not call the butchers and re-order by phone? Either pick up a ready order (extra few mins) or ask for delivery.
explain yiur situation, maybe they’d be willing to give a discount as a one off?
doesnt sound like you’ve even bothered to try. There’s no money from mum, so just sort it!

Tell your mother to not bother coming again as you can’t afford her rates

She has asked her for the money. You clearly have a reading problem.

Her mum sees the meat as "payment " for looking after her grandchildren and won't reimburse. She will replace next time she visits which is 3 weeks away.

I understand that you are just hanging on. But you need to think about future interactions with your mother. My mother absolutely doted on her grandchildren - she had only been able to have one child later in life being me - and she adored having two grandchildren. She spoiled them and saved money for them and was all round wonderful when she visited, happy to babysit while we went out to dinner and happy to climb up giant slides with them and even on one horrendous occasion cross on a rope bridge. She adored her dogs but the idea of prioritising a dog ahead of her grandchildren would have been completely foreign to her. I am afraid you do not have a mother like that (and now I don't either and I miss her years later fiercely).

Your mother is toxic. The mental breakdowns and threats of suicide are just to control you. And you buckle under it. The next time she talks of suicide I'd treat it with the contempt it deserves and observe it's a pity her dog will have to be put down because frankly who is going to take it on in the style to which it has become accustomed. I would wait long enough to get the money back and cut her off. It is beyond belief that she thought all the meat in your fridge was for her dog and just made off with it. Even more unbelievable is that idea that when you told her you couldn't afford to replace it, she was completely blasé about maybe doing a shop in a month's time. Wake up - she is horrible and does not have your best interests at heart. I wouldn't want my children associating with a woman who lacks honesty and empathy to this extent. Being honest, what positive things does she bring to your life? And if she does bring anything positive, surely it is outweighed by the negatives?

I came from a poor immigrant family who went on to become successful. The one overwhelming belief for us is that children get the best of what we can provide, not the family dog. Yes, our animals have all been well looked after and loved and have generally died of old age after a long life but the idea that we would feed an animal over a child is just madness to us. My grandmother always told children upset over the demise of an animal that they should not grieve to that extent because it could have been a family member rather than a pet.

They don’t deliver, in fact I’ve never heard of a butchers that do, is this a thing? I can pre order but i like to get what’s on offer that day.

I’ll go on the weekend and get less

Next time your mum comes don't get any meat in for the dog. She can go to the butcher and pay for it herself.

Could you get something delivered from a supermarket? They all deliver until 11pm. Ocado has some great meat.

im so sorry about your mum. She sounds selfish and difficult.

My mum would never ever do something like that. If anything she’d buy me double and try to cook some of it to help me.

But she was a lovely mum and I know I won the lottery ticket of mums with her.

You sound like an amazing mum too. You’re just trying to do your best for your kids. Sounds like your DM loves her dog more than you abs your DC. She sucks.

Id not have her back in 4 weeks. Put it off for longer. She creates trouble and extra work.

Try to look after yourself OP. You’re doing really well given the circumstances. I really hope things get easier for you.

I wouldn’t allow the cunt in my home again.

Sympathies to you for having such a truly awful mother OP. Maybe try to reduce the contact that you have with her in order to protect your own mental health.

Please ignore the posters who are trying to kick you whilst you are down.

You are doing great keeping your shit together, even if it doesn't feel like it.

What your mum did was awful but she's shown her true colours so most probably best you don't get more 'help' from her, or if you are desperate, adjust your expectations.

Hang in there. Shit husband out of the picture, and shit mum out of the picture. Rebuild your life with more worthy people in it OP. You deserve it.

I'd eat some of that.
Too much intel?