Dm took all the food for my kids!

[Littlechesnuttree]

Newly single mum here hi!

dm visited this weekend to ‘help’ largely consisted of me running errands for her and bringing cups of tea.

here’s the thing, she brought her dog who she only feeds meat (she won’t listen) so steak, chicken, mince etc.

i went to the butcher on the weekend and bought our meat for the month, steaks, whole chickens, lamb leg, chicken breast, meat and even duck breast.

all in all £80 or more likely. Had them in fridge before I could sort and put in freezer.

i had a kids bday party so was getting kids ready whilst dm was packing up.

go to the fridge this morning and it’s all gone… all the meat.

she thought I bought it for her dog. So now not only got to do a freezer tea for the kids but ive got to rebuy it all.

dm didn’t offer to replace and lives too far away to return.

aibu to think this is barmy behaviour? You check before you clean out someone’s fridge

And if she loses her shit and threatens suicide you say dear god mum I have actual children you realise, and call the police to check on her. Just like if she were an abusive partner- I’m not surprised your partner was crap with a mum like that to teach you about relationships to be honest.

I think your mother is horrible. You have so much on your plate and she does this. Who cares what the grandchildren eat as long as the dogs good. I am normally anti NC but I'd definitely do it for this.

To be clear, I have a lot of sympathy for OP. She's between a rock and a shit place.

I only wanted to point out that some of the PPs unpleasant comments stemmed from frustration because they thought she wanted advice. She doesn't want advice as she's already anticipated her DM's responses and has, understandably in the circus, decided to let it roll. She just wanted reassurance that her DM's behaviour was outrageous so that she doesn't question her own sanity and judgement. I completely get that.

I still think OP should bear in mind that her DM finds this rewarding and will not alter her bahaviour.

*circumstances

I like this message OP.

I know it must feel like the final straw OP but it might be the chance for you to get yourself away from these two narcissistic tossers at the same time.

I heard the other day that it's better to have no-one in your life than the wrong people. Your ex and DM demonstrate this beautifully.

Rather than give up your energy to these two wasters you'd be so much better putting your energies into yourself and your children. Your DM will always take out more than she puts in so she's never going to make you feel cared for and supported.

With that extra information, it clearly shows she's very manipulative!!!!
That is the definition of being manipulative!!
Disgusting. Seriously that's awful behaviour, so much so that I'd call it abuse.

Your mother sounds like mine OP, and I’ve gone no contact. She will never change, never be an actual mother who makes your life easier rather than harder. I’m so sorry, I know the path you’re walking and it’s so hard. You are doing so well keeping your family going and I’m hoping you pass that probation so you can breath a little x

OP, is your DM envious of the attention your DC get from you? It sounds like she deliberately chooses the worst times to create these problems.

Sending you love OP, you’re doing great, my mother is a narcissist too. Deal with you & yours as long as belly’s are full,whether beans on toast or egg & chips you are winning!
slightly different suggestion though can you send her a link to local butcher that delivers asking for replacement?
keep going you’re awesome!

I am trying to be charitable to your (batshit) mother and wondering if the dog's steaks (!!!) were on top of the rest of the meat? And she's too embarrassed that she stupidly thought everything underneath "For Fido" was for her. Her response since is disgusting though, is she really more help than hindrance when she visits? I hope someday soon you are feeling a bit more resilient and can explain how she has let you down when you most needed her support. If you are going to have to pay for a babysitter choose someone who is less of a liability

This thread has reminded me of a documentary I saw years ago on the siege of Leningrad. There was literally no food left; people boiled and ate leather belts. A woman was interviewed and explained that she had three small children, whereas her mother had a dog that she doted on. She said to her mother, you have a choice to make - the grandchildren or the dog.

They ate the dog.

To be clear, I love dogs, but I would kill and cook my own dog to save my children from starvation (horrible though this sounds). That’s survival. I’m judging your mother very harshly.

So sorry that your mum is being so difficult, at an already difficult time.

I think with the amount of stuff you have got going on at the moment, just take it all one step at a time. Don't overload yourself.

You've asked your Mum to pay up and she's enacting a drama instead, so galling as it is, I'd just drop it for the time being as its not worth the extra aggro.

If it were a normal interaction with a normal human

All the people saying "just ask for the money!" need to understand the above sentence.

And if they can't, then be grateful.

I get it OP. You're mother's awful.

Strange... my mum would never ever ask me to buy expensive steaks for her dog and never take anything from my fridge- knowing that I'm a single parent. She would actually bring me food to fill my fridge, even though I'm not financially struggling.. is your mum a narcissist?

OP I'd be livid in your shoes but of course that doesn't help. You have my heartfelt admiration for holding it together.

A real case of when it rains it pours. Fist your husband doing that, then your mother, and now MN showing its worse side too.

Here's hoping you get through the week happily on beans on toast or whatever, and that your mum doesn't try to 'help' you too much.

If it's going to cost you a month's worth of meat to "pay" your mother to visit her grandchildren I think I'd be telling her not to bother coming again.

Tell her you can't afford her visits anymore.

Your mother is a cunt OP. A manipulative and stealing one. So sorry. Only a cunt takes the food off children’s mouth then doesn’t give a shit that kids have to go without.

So sorry OP that your H and mother let you down. I wouldn’t have your mother over again,heck knows what else she would take off you.

Talk about kicking somebody when they’re already down.

Hope your probation will go well, wishing you best of luck 💐

Please get yourself over to Relationship board to Stately Homes.These people know exactly what/who are you dealing with.

Poor dog
Poor kids
Poor you
Woman's a witch

I've voted that your mum was being unreasonable. But tbh, getting the bare minimum of what she asked from the butchers when she's driving 4 hours round trip and stating several days to attempt to help, then I can see that she may have assumed it was a thank you present. We always offer to pay my parents petrol when they come to stay to help with the kids and give them gifts. Ringing immediately to complain does sound quite ungrateful, and I assume you aren't really going to struggle to afford to replace, given your income and choosing steaks and duck for kids meals. I'm not surprised your mother is offended.

I can’t be the first to say that I feel like feeding your mum to her dog.. you don’t seem at all surprised by what she did, I take it there is a lot of back story. Do you have to see her every3 weeks? It seems unhelpful to you, to say the least

@User284732

How on earth would anyone assume a family's fridge full of food was a 'thank you' gift? What thought process would lead to that conclusion? Would it not occur to you that the family in question also eats? Where do you expect them to keep their food? Would you take it without checking? You'd have no doubt it was for you?

Bonkers.

A bottle of wine left in the hallway, maybe. But a fridge load of meat? Give over.

Oh dear she sounds pretty useless. I would think twice about asking her up again if she thinks you should be paying her petrol money and childminding pay in meat for her dog. Sorry you have a useless DH as well as a thoughtless mother. Certainly don't go shopping if she comes again. Let her go out and replace it.

I know you said it’s 2 hours away but I would 110% bung the kids in the car and drive to pick it up. Then not invite her back next month (especially if she’s not particularly helpful and expects you to be grateful). If you’re £80 down anyways, might as well get your meat back and not give her the satisfaction of feeding it to her dog. Appreciate it’s not always that simple but I’m petty like that. No way could I let her keep it after what she’s said!

OP, I’m livid on your behalf over this. Your DM’s behaviour isn’t rational. I’m sorry she acts like that.

Really well her mother is alone and has 3k a month and no mortgage. She on the other hand has 2 children to feed childcare to pay and mortgage on top! So I think she can afford abit of meat for her extremely well fed dog!! And to pay her own petrol wouldn't you say?