Rejecting dp’s gift due to irrational phobia

[Korner]

Dp booked an excursion for an upcoming holiday our anniversary. It will be an early morning hot air balloon flight. Apparently it is non-refundable.

My BIGGEST fear in life is burning alive. I know the risk of incident is low but it’s just not worth it for me. I’d probably have to go up with 3 full sized fire extinguishers

Dp thinks im being ridiculous.

AIBU?

Why did he even book this if he knows your fear

I would hate this. Even if it was totally well intentioned there’s still no way on this earth you’d get me in a balloon and it would go to waste regardless of how bad I felt about it.

Then he is an idiot with no understanding of phobias. To book about the only activity in existence which has an open flame and expect you to enjoy it is just bizarre.

I iamgine most people wouldn't think hot air balloon = fire.

I can understand your feelings OP, and your DP really should have consulted you first as many people don't like the idea of going up in a hot air balloon for one reason or another.

However, do you travel by car? I would have thought the risk of burning alive was more likely in a car than in a hot air balloon.

There’s not enough money in the world to get me in a hot air balloon, and I say this as someone with no fear of heights who has held a PPL and loves flying.

YANBU.

It's not a gift if it's forcing you to confront your phobia and you're not ready. It's controlling.

Just say no. There are better ways to confront a phobia than complete immersion as a first step. It could backfire and make it worse.

In fairness, it’s not ridiculous. Many people, me included, suffer irrational anxieties about things going wrong. We worry and panic about it prior to the event and it can often put us off doing things. Whether that’s flying, hot air ballooning or even taking a car trip up a mountain road.

Sometimes we just have to bite the bullet and face the fears, and usually, once in the situation itself, the reality of it is nothing like the fear or panic we’ve experienced in the run up.

My DP wants to do hot air balloon, and I’m really nervous of it. But I know it would be one of those things that once I’m up there floating around, I’d realise it was fine.

Is this a case of him giving you his birthday gift on your birthday?

You wouldn't catch me in a hot air balloon or helicopter for that matter. But my DH knows this and wouldn't book it...

irrational anxieties are not phobias.

@Korner

i wouldn't either! Have you actually looked up the statistics?

it's not the kind of thing I'd book as a surprise unless the person had mentioned they really really want to do it, but it's pretty romantic as a surprise on your Anniversary (so why has he told you now??)

id be annoyed you'd happily do things that have a far greater risk of fire, but won't do this.

hello? phobia?

If someone had a phobia of snakes, you wouldn't book a trip to a reptile enclosure, even though no one is at any risk from visiting a reptile enclosure and you'd be more at risk driving there. Balloons catching fire is rare but it has happened, eg. Texas 2016 so not completely irrational.

I’ve done two hot air balloon trips. They are absolutely amazing. Would do one at every opportunity.

Ok lets reframe this in a way everyone hopefully will understand. You have a genuine phobia which you absolutely understand is irrational. You partner books a non refundable surprise activity which would trigger this phobia.

Telling people the activity is lovely...that they would do it/have done it....that the risk is low....that other things which they do are more risky......all irrelevant.

I have a phobia of height over water. I used to take river and canal holidays and spent many years travelling on ships with my husband. I fly happily and have been up the empire state building before it was all boxed in. Walking over the bridge to Tintagel Castle I flipped out completely. Safety, other people love it, reason.....they all go out the door.

Personally I think this is something your DH wants to do and his ‘surprise’ was only really a gift for himself!!
If this is an excursion while on holiday, then if you make a couple friend out there, I’d suggest the other couples husband goes with your DH instead…. Leaving you and the other woman to sip cocktails round the pool!!

I didn’t say they were though, did I? I was responding regarding the suggestion by another poster that trying something that you’re irrationally frightened of can actually end up with it being ok. And it can.

Many people use the word “phobia” when it’s not truly appropriate. And even phobias can be faced and worked upon.

This. Why did he book it. Selfish arse

I wouldn’t be thinking fear of fire in a hot air balloon, for me it would be fear I would jump out! I really hate heights, and always am afraid I will just step off a high structure or jump off - no idea why as it isn’t something I would do. Irrationally I am not so afraid of accidentally falling, just deliberately doing it 😄

I would love to go in a hot air balloon and be up in the quiet looking at beautiful views but I would never do it as I would freak out too much.

There isn’t anything ‘d’ about your partner if he says your phobia is ridiculous. He’s being very unkind towards you, instead of apologising for buying you such a crappy gift.

Don't do it, OP.

I'm not afraid of fire but I am very scared of heights - not phobia level but bad enough. Nothing would get me up in a balloon. (I'd also be thinking of de Rozier and Romain, the early balloonists who were killed when their balloon caught fire in 1785.)

What an amazing adventure! I hope you can face your fear and pull it off! Good luck!