Rejecting dp’s gift due to irrational phobia

[Korner]

Dp booked an excursion for an upcoming holiday our anniversary. It will be an early morning hot air balloon flight. Apparently it is non-refundable.

My BIGGEST fear in life is burning alive. I know the risk of incident is low but it’s just not worth it for me. I’d probably have to go up with 3 full sized fire extinguishers

Dp thinks im being ridiculous.

AIBU?

I’m with the others who suspect this was what he wants to do so he’s “given” his treat (designed for himself) to you as a gift and now has to coerce you into it! It’s very unreasonable of him to expect you to do this if he knows you have agoraphobia relating to fire (I’m assuming it’s the trapped element not a naked flame in itself). It really isn’t the kind of gift to give anyone unless it’s clearly an expressed wish. And once you’ve pointed out the problem he should accept it.

CBT is very affective for phobias @Korner . It might be worth looking into it, not so you can join the fire service and go on balloon flights every day but so that you can manage it to the point it doesn’t prevent you doing something you might have otherwise really like to have done. But trying to force someone’s hand has never been very success in helping people with phobias, which is why people don’t generally get put through Flooding therapy anymore (intense, constant high exposure to feared stimulus).

Personally I don’t like the idea of a bit of wicker work between me and the distant ground so I wouldn’t want to do a balloon trip either (though I’m told it’s amazing).

Your OP made me laugh so I read it out to my DH, who suggested your DP could've done worse & booked you a hot air balloon ride over an active volcano.

I apologise for him.

I have the exact same fear as you OP, to the extent that I have to leave the room if it happens in a TV show.

Hot air balloons don't trigger it for me, but several other equally irrational things do. Stand your ground, let your DH go by himself. Last thing anyone wants is a panicked person in a small basket several hundred feet up.

You don't have to do anything you don't want to do Korner but you are not going to burn alive in a hot air balloon. Has that ever even happened?

It has happened many times as a quick Google will show.

Honestly, I had never considered burning alive in a hot air balloon to be a thing.

my issue with hot air balloons is you are just floating (largely aimlessly) through the air, what if you just kept floating forever, or you land in the middle of the ocean. I realise these issues are possibly quite ridiculous but it’s a concern of mine 😂

Hot air balloon ride was crap - they rescheduled it 3 times due to the slightest breeze. Finally after a couple of years, weather was deemed optimal. It meant we went up and barely moved across the landscape, total yawn. Plus, every few seconds or so conversation was interrupted by a deafening blast from the burners. You wouldn't be missing much.

I went up in a hot air balloon and I was so nervous my legs were shaking. I loved it. One thing that surprised me was you don't feel the wind because the balloon is moving with it. Anyway, maybe you can research hot air balloon accidents. I believe they are very low in number compared to the number of rides.

It’s an unusual gift to buy someone without them expressing that it’s a bucket list thing for them. I wonder if your hubby is projecting his dream and thinking by getting it for you he doesn’t have to justify buying it for himself - after all he’s probably realised it isn’t something you would buy for you two to do together!’

I second this - it’s the gentlest, gentlest feeling and very peaceful! And you’ll be amazed at how much you see and hear!

I wonder if people don't get what a "phobia" is? "I did it and loved it" is irrelevant.

Yes @godmum56, it's so weird. How will she love it if she is terrified of the burner and she is suspended next to it 200 ft up in the air? Maybe people could imagine doing this balloon ride while holding a tarantula or a snake. How peaceful and relaxing!

I shall not name my greatest fear. I'd go up in a hot air balloon, though. You are more likely to die from it falling out of the sky than blowing up, you know. And that's rare. But if you don't want to go find someone who does - clue, I'd love to!

You are not near the burner, it's well above you. No chance of being burned.

ummm PHOBIA

I couldn't do it. I'd be terrified of being so high!

I wouldn't associate HAB with being burned alive either. How are you next to bonfires or with candles? If you have a fear of fire generally then your DH should have clicked but otherwise I can see he's just tried to do something nice as a surprise.

I'm hugely worried about vertigo and crashing from a huge height so I'm not a fan of HAB either.

I wouldn’t go. Not fun or a good gift for you.

Enduring Love (I think it is) by Ian McEwan has a horrible hot air balloon scene!

I don't think I've ever heard of someone burned alive in a hot air balloon! You've probably got more chance of a car or house fire to be honest. I wouldn't do a balloon flight because I don't like heights! If you don't want to do it, don't do it. Your DH can take someone else and you can decide on something nice to do together instead 🤷‍♀️

Nope on a rope.

I've been on one loads, they are fine!

By definition a phobia is an irrational fear, so any lack of risk is irrelevant really.

I voted YANBU - however is the phobia something you might consider tackling eg through hypnosis?

I’ve seen a few hot air balloon tragedies so it would be a pass for me. Definitely not a gift

I've done plenty of adventurous things in my time. I wouldn't really want a hot air balloon experience. Sounds like something he wants to do so he can go ahead and do it. You go to the spa.

Everybody who doesn't have a genuine specific phobia thinks the person with one is being "ridiculous". They quote statistics at you (more likely to get run over by a car) and think you will lose your phobia instantly when you realise how unreasonable you are being.

People with a strong fear or dislike of something claim to have a "phobia" - but it does not impact their life in any way. An actual phobia is hard to live with.

Your genuine phobia of burning alive is not going to be reasoned away with, and going on a hot balloon trip would be horrible for you. He can't understand that.

I would not go on a hot air balloon flight

No way