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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rejecting dp’s gift due to irrational phobia

147 replies

Korner · 17/06/2024 12:02

Dp booked an excursion for an upcoming holiday our anniversary. It will be an early morning hot air balloon flight. Apparently it is non-refundable.

My BIGGEST fear in life is burning alive. I know the risk of incident is low but it’s just not worth it for me. I’d probably have to go up with 3 full sized fire extinguishers

Dp thinks im being ridiculous.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MayoMayoMayo · 17/06/2024 12:25

its2024 · 17/06/2024 12:08

Don't let your fears ruin your life. Once you're up there you'll forget your fears. Maybe have headphones on with music so you don't hear the burner.

You're more likely to die from falling! (Sorry not helpful!)

How would not going in a balloon ruin her life? It's a completely optional thing to do that has no bearing on her life - she's not being asked to commute in one for her dream job paying £10m a year or something 😂

Totally get you're coming from OP, people do these things for fun and if you're not going to be able to enjoy it then what's the bloody point?

Mountainpika · 17/06/2024 12:29

We had a balloon flight from our son for my birthday some years ago. It was fantastic. You gently ascend and because there's nothing visible joining you to the ground, there's no sense of height at all. I can't stand on the edge of a cliff or look out of a high building, but being airborne is completely different. You just drift gently along. The landing might be a bit bumpy but the risk is absolutely minimal. You're probably more at risk driving to the take-off place.
I'd go again without hesitation - although now at my age I might have trouble climbing into the basket!

SquishyGloopyBum · 17/06/2024 12:32

I wouldn't have attributed hot air balloon to fire. It wouldn't occur to me, so I can see why your h probably booked it.

Do you cook with gas op?

Have you sought counselling for this? It might help.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 17/06/2024 12:33

Never thought about the risk of fire but always wondered what happens if you need the toilet

msbevvy · 17/06/2024 12:33

Are you absolutely sure it is non refundable? Can it be exchanged for something else?

I won a hot air balloon flight in a competition. I was too scared of heights to do it but as it came in the form of a Red Letter Days voucher I was able to exchange it for a 2 night hotel break instead.

YellowHairband · 17/06/2024 12:34

Don't let your fears ruin your life

Not going on a hot air balloon ride isn't going to ruin her life.

It's a fairly niche fear that I imagine doesn't come up day to day. She's not scared to leave the house for example, which could ruin your life.

Maray1967 · 17/06/2024 12:36

Korner · 17/06/2024 12:06

He is aware of my phobia re fire but assumed my understanding of how unlikely the chances of this occurring would trump it.

Edited

Then he’s an idiot!! That’s like saying you think someone’s fear of flying will magically disappear as soon as they learn that there’s a higher risk of dying in a car crash.

He’s made a very foolish assumption and he will need to bear the loss. He can go on his own.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 17/06/2024 12:36

Do you get into vehicles with engines? Cook with an oven? Have electricity in the house?

All of these would more make think there's a risk of burning to death than a hot air balloon tbh. If someone was scared of heights or falling then I'd think of it but not really consider the fire the risk to you.

HeddaGarbled · 17/06/2024 12:36

Most of them get cancelled because of the weather, IME.

ErrolTheDragon · 17/06/2024 12:37

YANBU. It was stupid and inconsiderate of him to book that sort of 'experience' without checking that you'd be up for it.

SequoiaTree · 17/06/2024 12:37

Going on a hot air balloon has to be something you want to do. Otherwise it's not a treat but a punishment. It's not vital to travel by air balloon, so not something you have to overcome.

mummymeister · 17/06/2024 12:40

My DH knows what I will and wont enjoy and would never book something like this because he knows that I would be fecking terrified. he might book to do it himself and show me the pics but never include me.

this would ruin the whole trip for me as I would be dreading it so much and stressing and dreaming about it.

Original poster
Korner · 17/06/2024 12:41

SquishyGloopyBum · 17/06/2024 12:32

I wouldn't have attributed hot air balloon to fire. It wouldn't occur to me, so I can see why your h probably booked it.

Do you cook with gas op?

Have you sought counselling for this? It might help.

I do cook with gas. In that scenario I know my entire body isn’t going to instantaneously combust in a confined space I can’t escape. We even have a fireplace which is used often.

OP posts:
Original poster
Korner · 17/06/2024 12:43

I know there is fire risk all around in the normal home. But we have fire alarms, extinguishers, ladders etc to mitigate the risk should it ever arise.

Your options are limited however many feet off the ground.

OP posts:
LordSnot · 17/06/2024 12:44

YANBU. That's a very silly think to book for someone else without checking with them first. If he gets arsey he only has himself to blame.

Writerscompanion · 17/06/2024 12:47

Just to agree with the person who said they mostly get cancelled! I got this gift once from an ex while we were breaking up and didn't really want it but felt as it was expensive and well-meant that I had to show willing. I tried to go several times with my mum but each time (after she had come to stay over especially), it got cancelled for wind, rain etc. It was an albatross around my neck until I realised that even though it was well intentioned, I didn't actually have to go and binned it off! In my experience, 'experience' type presents are just a pain in the neck, they sound great but in reality they are usually a tiny selection of dates/locations and end up being more hassle than they are enjoyable.

RhubarbAndFlustered · 17/06/2024 12:47

I hate those bloody experience gifts. Most are a chore for the receiver to claim and it seems this one is one that the receiver doesn't even like. Why would someone so close to you not know you?

WishIMite · 17/06/2024 12:47

I did a hot air balloon flight once and my head was very hot when the burner was on. If I'd had a fear of fire it would not been fun.

Original poster
Korner · 17/06/2024 12:48

We are going to a holiday destination where hot balloon flights are a bucket list thing supposedly.

OP posts:
KreedKafer · 17/06/2024 12:49

I mean, the fear itself is irrational/ridiculous, yes. That's pretty much the definition of a phobia, isn't it? An irrational/disproportionate fear.

But refusing to take part in an activity you know you will absolutely hate is not at all irrational or ridiculous. It would not be ridiculous for me, as a person with an irrational fear of spiders, to say 'no thanks' to the offer of a pet tarantula, for example.

WishIMite · 17/06/2024 12:49

its2024 · 17/06/2024 12:22

@WishIMite You have a fear of flying but you still get on a plane so it's not that big of a fear, the more you do things the less your fear becomes. You haven't died on from a plane crash, you're more likely to die in a car crash but do you fear driving everytime you get in a car? You'd never leave your house you don't know what's round the corner?

OP is not afraid off heights it's being burned to death. Once she's up there and sees the view etc, it's a bit different to looking out a plane window.

Yes going up in a hot air balloon there is a small chance something could go wrong, same with anything, going on a roller coaster, crossing the road etc.

If your not afraid off

I get on a plane because it's a means to an end. I would not get on a plane if the end was the 'fun flight'.

(I have also spent a fortune on therapy and am generally sedated as much as possible.)

zerored · 17/06/2024 12:49

He should take someone else on the hot air balloon ride and get you a new, more thoughtful present. Don't do anything that will terrify you.

saveforthat · 17/06/2024 12:55

Korner · 17/06/2024 12:10

DP also didn’t think hot air balloon = fire

Edited

No I wouldn't put fear of fire and hot air balloons together and I have been up twice. I thought you were going to say you were scared of heights in which case your DP would have been a dick. That said you don't need to do anything that terrifies you even if it's non refundable. He can just go up with someone else.

saveforthat · 17/06/2024 12:57

Korner · 17/06/2024 12:48

We are going to a holiday destination where hot balloon flights are a bucket list thing supposedly.

Is it a Kenya safari? That was the first time I went up.

KreedKafer · 17/06/2024 12:58

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 17/06/2024 12:36

Do you get into vehicles with engines? Cook with an oven? Have electricity in the house?

All of these would more make think there's a risk of burning to death than a hot air balloon tbh. If someone was scared of heights or falling then I'd think of it but not really consider the fire the risk to you.

I'm not sure you quite understand how a phobia works.

People who are scared of, for example, slugs are fully aware that slugs can't hurt them. People who are scared of heights are fully aware that they won't actually fall out of the closed window of a tall building. People who are afraid of flying are fully aware that they are more likely to be killed while driving to the shops in their own car than they are while flying to the Costa del Sol. They know their fear isn't rational, but they can't help feeling that fear anyway. That's what a phobia is - a disproportionate, irrational and uncontrollable fear.