Rejecting dp’s gift due to irrational phobia

[Korner]

Dp booked an excursion for an upcoming holiday our anniversary. It will be an early morning hot air balloon flight. Apparently it is non-refundable.

My BIGGEST fear in life is burning alive. I know the risk of incident is low but it’s just not worth it for me. I’d probably have to go up with 3 full sized fire extinguishers

Dp thinks im being ridiculous.

AIBU?

Is it Africa the sunrise thing ?

I did that and it was lovely but much preferred the flight over Bath because you could nose into people's back gardens and looked at their swimming pools etc. Bath did get cancelled twice before the weather was OK to go up though.

it's booked for when they are on holiday in another country though, so it's probably not as if he can ask a friend or family member to come along.

He should just go alone if you're not going to enjoy it.

I wouldn't feel guilty at all. It would be different if he said 'Oh, no, I didn't even make the link between your phobia with a hot air balloon, I'm sorry,' but it sounds like he did think of it but thought 'ah she'll be alright.' Whereas anyone with a brain who knows about a phobia would be very cautious and double or triple check before booking anything related to it. Most phobias aren't rationale, that's the whole point, so it was stupid of him to assume you'd be able to rationalise yourself out of it, if you could do that, you wouldn't have the phobia!

Apart from everything else literally everyone I know who has done a hot air balloon trip has some sort of issue - whether being rearranged multiple times because the conditions aren't right (maybe not so much of an issue abroad), someone breaking their arm trying to get into the basket, the balloon landing way off course and having to wait in a field for hours for the pick up truck to find them....

I have irrational phobias
I know how they work

It doesn't change the fact that I wouldn't consider the burning alive risk of a hot air balloon whilst I would of those things

YANBU I have no interest in ever flying in a hot air balloon, I’d be terrified too.

Is he feeling defensive and silly that he didn't think of the connection?

Or is he being contemptuous of your feelings when you express that you don't want to do it?

I wouldn't go on the hot air balloon trip OP. You don't want to. It won't bring you pleasure AND this is not a risk free activity even if the main risks are probably not fire. Don't get pressured into it. Let DH go on his own.

I have IBS and a hot air balloon ride is my worst nightmare! YABU OP. He was silly not to check with you before making a big commitment like that. Can he not take someone else?

If its Cappadocia then sunrise balloon rides truly are spectacular but you can get almost the same experience by watching the dawn from the mountainside.

Oh I've seen longleat advertising it they are gorgeous to look at from the ground definitely not for me though!

This was supposed to say numpty😂

Phobias can be a valuable protective device. A fear of heights means, for example, that you are less likely to take risks in high places. And doing more of a thing can create a phobia rather cure it. I was okay with flying, for example, and even a bird strike didn't make it set in but landing in a plane that felt like it was going to shake itself apart with a damaged wing and on fire with fire engines and ambulances lined up next to the tarmac has absolutely made me a nervous flyer.

I would never get on a helicopter unless it was an emergency. I would think hard before using a carrier in a developing country too after hearing a commercial pilot's horror stories about maintenance and governance issues. I would never get on a small aircraft in bad weather either and I'm not that keen on grass landing strips or single engine planes either.

Your DH is an idiot. I wouldn't dream of booking a "dare devil" sort of experience for anyone unless I was 100% sure that it (or very similar things) were what they'd always wanted to do and really enjoyed.

This isn't the first time I've heard of someone booking a hot air balloon ride to the absolute horror of the recipient. Let's face it, there are quite a few risks involved and phobias at play (heights, fire, small space confinement and a lack of toilet facilities).

I think it's even more ridiculous when the gift is from the person supposed to be closest to you and therefore knows you the best.

YANBU. If you have a fear of something, irrational or not, I think it's unfair to be made to do it.

Quite a niche activity and while the chance of burning alive is low, you shouldnt be putting someone afraid of fire so close to a bloody great burner. He'll just have to forgoe the money spent or see if he can gift them.

I had a hot air balloon flight for my 40th. It was lovely. You don't notice the burner going off much.

That's because you don't have an irrational fear of burning alive in a hot air balloon. I don't think you do understand how phobias work.

I’m arachnophobic and understand just how irrational fears can make you. I personally wouldn’t have considered buring alive with a hot air balloon but if it’s non refundable then just don’t go? You’ll be stressed the whole time, is he willing to go on his own or can anyone else join him if you’re going on holiday with others?

People say this when they don’t have a real phobia themselves. If a bit of music stops you being scared that’s a ‘mild discomfort’ rather than a real phobia.

I’m terrified of flying and DH bought me a ‘Fear of Flying’ course one year for Christmas. It was the worst present I’ve ever had but I did it because I knew he’d bought it with good intentions. That short flight was horribly traumatic and I had nightmares for months afterwards, and panic attacks whenever I heard a plane fly over the house. I also felt secretly resentful to DH because I felt I’d been railroaded into doing it. I’ve never flown since.

Honestly OP you should try to do it. I've been on several (was reluctant at first) and it is a magical experience. You barely notice the burner. The balloon has at least one fire extinguisher, parachutes and safety ropes. Also I must admit I would never associate fear of burning alive with a hot air balloon ride so I'm sure your DH was coming from a good place and trying to book a wonderful experience for you. It probably didn't occur to him. I'd be very shocked if anyone has ever burned alive on a balloon trip.

Because that’s how phobias work 😂

He’s a fucking genius

So you understand how irrational fears work but think the OP should just get over hers because you personally are not irrationally afraid of it?

What are some of your irrational phobias then so I can tell you how you should just get over it because I'm not personally afraid of them?

I'll be honest, I have no fear of flying and have been in planes and helicopters but the first time I went up in a balloon I felt apprehensive.

I felt panicky up to the last minute. I was with family and my husband my sister said they would my hands the whole time and obviously if I didn't want to go I didn't have to.

I did and it really is a lovely experience and I've been up in a balloon several times since.

You certainly wouldn't burn alive if anything happened.

Is there time to have some hypnotherapy beforehand as if you can overcome this fear you will have such a wonderful time?

Saying that though, something like this should not be gifted if there is a chance the recipient will be anxious.

My DH booked a dinner in the sky experience for my birthday when we were on a city break recently. I did come close to chickening out when I saw the set up but I’m so glad I went ahead. Unforgettable experience and some amazing photos.

People get in planes and cars because it is the quickest/most convenient way of getting from A to B. There is a strong incentive to learn to at least control, if not overcome, a fear of flying in a plane.

There is no earthly reason for someone to take a hot air balloon trip unless you're fecking Dorothy Gale from Kansas.