Horrible Fathers Day with DH

[WineGumm]

Horrible Fathers Day morning with DH - honestly dreadful.

Last night DH and I had a fight, he had watched 4 hours of WWE on TV and I had left him alone to enjoy it. When it had finished I made a hot chocolate and went to sit on the couch. DH was taking up the whole settee with his legs on top of the couch, I asked him nicely to move his legs and he huffed that I was controlling how he sat. I just didn’t want his feet in my face. Things spiralled after he refused to move his legs and he called me “rotten”on the inside” a “vile woman” and a horrible person and I was ruining his night etc. All for asking him to move his legs! He said these things in front of DS (12)

I walked off and went to bed, I had to remove myself from the situation.

This morning I tried to act as normal possible. I wished him Happy Fathers Day. DS made him a cup of coffee (he barely looked at DS and told him he had just had one)

Got the cards and DS made a few jokey gift vouchers. DS2 had made a little present in school, his main hadn’t arrived in time, he also had a history magazine and a gift voucher.

DS went to give him the cards and he would barely look at him, saying shall we just not bother. He had a face like a slapped arse, it was dreadful. I told him to put aside whatever it was was going on and make an effort for the kids.

He started another fight and I’m ashamed to say that DS went to his room upset.

I had to convince DS to come back down and try again saying that Daddy was having a bad day.

We tried again but it was dreadful, so forced. I apologised that his main gift had not arrived, I admit that I said “please don’t shout at me” I apologised for saying that as it was probably passive aggressive and I said please don’t be upset.

DH looked at the little pile saying that there was barely anything there.

DS stormed upstairs again. I had to go to work.

I text DH to see if he would at least take the kids out to the park as the weather was lovely but he refused. I even sent him free McDonald’s vouchers so he could take him to a drive through but he refused to attempt to salvage the day.

DS stayed in his room all day, DS2 amused himself and DH played video games all day.

Its 9pm and the cards are still unopened 😔

If it wasn’t Fathers Day I swear I would have asked for a divorce today.

Feel free to make your fantasy a reality.

You and your sons deserve so much better!

Your NAADH seems to enjoy acting like a total twat waffle. I would be letting him put his feet wherever he wants, in separate lodging than you and your sons.

@WineGumm {Him} Being nasty to your sons was foul and inexcusable.
Maybe ask for that divorce.

Na fuck that

Do you realise you're in an abusive relationship? He mentally and emotionally abuses you. All the name calling, sulking, making threats.
Alot of narc people also dial up their abuse during occasions such as birthdays and fathers day etc.

You know you need to leave him. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your children because believe me this is affecting them more than you know

However my daughter made mothers day things. At both school and girls brigade. However for father's day she made fuck all. GB is finished for the summer but weird she didn't do anything for fathers day at school. This is the 3rd year in a row she's not made anything.

DH’s behaviour towards you was bad enough but his behaviour towards the children was absolutely disgusting. This man is abusive.

This is absolutely a LTB situation. Your poor children and poor you. Is he going through some sort of midlife crisis or has he always been this pigheaded? What a vile pig. My heart aches for your poor sons.

@WineGumm Here's a resource to help you:

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/how-we-can-support-you/

@WineGumm 🥺 I’m so sorry.

I was married to a horrible man like your H and leaving him was the best decision I’ve ever made. Life is so much happier now.

Leaving wasn’t easy but nothing good is ever easy.

My last father’s day with him was 2022. I made fresh croissants and coffee for breakfast and the kids made cards. We were at our beach house. Breakfast with your two gorgeous children aged 4 & 7, cute acres, fresh croissants and coffee made for you by your wife. Nice huh?

He looked at me with utter contempt on his face and said “where are my eggs?”

I stared at him in shock (not sure why as it wasn’t the first or last cunty move he pulled) said “are you joking” and he just said “nah” while the kids looked on with confusion.

Prick

We split 3 months later

I do hope you manage to extricate yourselves from this man. Please be careful when you ask him for the divorce. Protect yourself.

Let's cut to the chase here: OP & DH's relationship is dead in the water, and it's been that way for a long time. If we view it in a realistic manner rather than an idealistic manner, we'll see that OP's life is fcuking miserable with DH - and that in turn OP is making DH's life fcuking miserable too.

"he huffed that I was controlling how he sat."
That's a very specific word choice he made there, isn't it? I wonder why he picked that specific word.. and I wonder if what he really said included words and phrases like "you're even controlling..", "now you're controlling..", "why are you controlling.."?

How might we respond to a post from a parent who within the second sentence wrote "I told her not to sit like that, and she accused me of being controlling!??!"? Which one would we chastise then? Which one would we stab with pitchforks and which would we cheer for?

What if a parent said "I told her not to sit like that, told her to cross her legs and she accused me of being controlling!??!"? Or maybe "I told her not to wear that skirt, and she accused me of being controlling!??!"? How about "I'd already told her I was going to wear a little dress and that she had to cover herself, and she turns up looking like that!! Then as if that's not shameful enough already, when I made her walk home from the bar and put dungarees on she starts accusing me of 'controlling' her!!" Where do we draw the line?

Daily reminder that victims of abuse are victims of abuse regardless of race, colour, caste, orientation, lifestyle, religion, or Gender. Also that today, controlling or coercive behaviour is a serious criminal offence.

People, don’t feed the troll…

Horrible behaviour from him. My ex once sent our 4yr old son away when he attempted to give him Father’s Day gifts and he came back to me with gifts and cards unopened and said he doesn’t want them. Omg I was fuming and wiped the floor with him over that. Things like Father’s Day / mother’s Day always seemed to cause issues for us, a few stories I could tell from those days. His behaviour is shocking

Eurgh that sounds grim. I’m so sorry that’s your life OP, so sad for your children. Honestly I think divorcing is the right approach.

I'm so sorry OP. No one deserves to be treated like that. Especially your Dc who have no choice 💐

Citizens Advice will have information on leaving and it might be worth contacting refuge or women's aid for advice too if you can. Good luck.

What a nasty prick. Time to start planning your new life without him. BUT do not mention divorce until you have it all organised... I get the sense he will not go quietly!

Make the fantasy real. You will not regret it. Neither will your DS’s.

Absolutely! He is not going quietly. So be very careful, op. Take the advice of others on here who have been through it.

If you do this, you are as sadistic as your husband and will be equally complicit in his cruelty.

Replace "refused to open son's cards" with "beat son with fists"

Are you going to force your son to take another beating whilst you stand by and watch?

Grow a spine and protect your kids!

I hope you told him to fuck off?

If you didn't you are as complicit in harming your poor boys as their cunt of a father.

You need to legally separate, apply for CMS then pack his bags and leave them outside the door. He is a horrible, broken man who will get worse over time. I wouldn’t want my kids growing up with the anxiety looming over them for the rest of their life. You need to keep a diary of these outbursts as this is abusive behaviour.

My family never really made anything of mothers, fathers day or even birthdays after we were 10 years old, so wasn't really a thing but my kids and wife do. I forget all the wife's birthdays but also don't really expect anything on my birthday's. Obviously make a thing of the kids birthdays. 4 hours watching WWE on a Saturday, unless your DH is 14 that's not normal,

I’m glad your DS had sense to stay in his room. You shouldn’t even have made him try again the first time after he was rejected. Please protect your children.

Yeah I'd be changing the locks and telling him to fuck off.

There's no coming back from this; totally unforgivable. Your poor son. Get out, you'll all be so much happier. Is there one friend you could confide in and who could help organise leaving him. I'm so sorry you've had someone treat you all so badly. Total dick.