Horrible Fathers Day with DH

[WineGumm]

Horrible Fathers Day morning with DH - honestly dreadful.

Last night DH and I had a fight, he had watched 4 hours of WWE on TV and I had left him alone to enjoy it. When it had finished I made a hot chocolate and went to sit on the couch. DH was taking up the whole settee with his legs on top of the couch, I asked him nicely to move his legs and he huffed that I was controlling how he sat. I just didn’t want his feet in my face. Things spiralled after he refused to move his legs and he called me “rotten”on the inside” a “vile woman” and a horrible person and I was ruining his night etc. All for asking him to move his legs! He said these things in front of DS (12)

I walked off and went to bed, I had to remove myself from the situation.

This morning I tried to act as normal possible. I wished him Happy Fathers Day. DS made him a cup of coffee (he barely looked at DS and told him he had just had one)

Got the cards and DS made a few jokey gift vouchers. DS2 had made a little present in school, his main hadn’t arrived in time, he also had a history magazine and a gift voucher.

DS went to give him the cards and he would barely look at him, saying shall we just not bother. He had a face like a slapped arse, it was dreadful. I told him to put aside whatever it was was going on and make an effort for the kids.

He started another fight and I’m ashamed to say that DS went to his room upset.

I had to convince DS to come back down and try again saying that Daddy was having a bad day.

We tried again but it was dreadful, so forced. I apologised that his main gift had not arrived, I admit that I said “please don’t shout at me” I apologised for saying that as it was probably passive aggressive and I said please don’t be upset.

DH looked at the little pile saying that there was barely anything there.

DS stormed upstairs again. I had to go to work.

I text DH to see if he would at least take the kids out to the park as the weather was lovely but he refused. I even sent him free McDonald’s vouchers so he could take him to a drive through but he refused to attempt to salvage the day.

DS stayed in his room all day, DS2 amused himself and DH played video games all day.

Its 9pm and the cards are still unopened 😔

If it wasn’t Fathers Day I swear I would have asked for a divorce today.

Yeah I don’t get why any part of someone would think this was a good idea and what’s the intended goal?

If he rejects them again the child will be even more crushed, and in the “best” case scenario if he is accepts and puts a smile on his face, child will still be crushed from earlier and it won’t really mean much. There’s no real coming back from this.

Husband shouldn’t get a third chance to redeem himself at the expense of kids.

I’m sure you’re not meaning to harm your kids but be aware your actions can still have a damaging impact.

You said your eldest child stayed in his room all day. I suspect he’s went into self-protective mode as his home doesn’t feel emotionally safe due to his Dads awful behaviour but also because he doesn’t feel fully protected.

Your poor boys. My dh got a handmade card and a woopie cushion which dd has been using to make him laugh all day why you still with this bully

This.Why stay where there's no love?

You cannot spend the rest of your life with this man. What a waste of a life. Your poor boys. I'd be calling up the council and sorting out what happens after separation, and transferring money to a separate account. Universal credit will help too. I hope you choose a happy life for you and your children.

Your poor boys. Your DH sounds like a pathetic sulking, selfish, ungrateful, childish prick. Please leave. Don’t let your boys think that this behaviour is okay. It’s not the way for a man to behave and it’s not the way for a man to treat his wife and his children (or anyone of course).
I’m sorry he was being such a dick.

I’m shocked tbh OP.

His “special day” makes him sound like a toddler at a princess party and they have the excuse of a toddler brain.

Did he think his day extended to the night before?

So he wants to what get big presents and play computer games all day like a child?!

Sounds like he's detached from family life. Has he cheated on you before?

1. Stop making a fuss about merchandising days. A card is enough.
2. Leave the miserable bastard and have a nice life with your sons.

I think you and your boys would be far happier without this horrible excuse of a man.

He sounds utterly vile. Please leave him if you can.

Does your son have a social worker? Cam you speak to them? Also, practically about the possibility of night time carers? (may not even exist I know). Good.luck OP, you amd you children deserve better than this.

He doesn’t deserve a Father’s Day !!
Im not very often shocked but what an awful way to treat his children 🙁

I'm so sorry OP, this is hard.

My DH has eupd (emotionally unstable personally disorder) and he would never have acted like that, and he had a migraine too on father's day, think of the damage you husband is doing to the kids

It sounds like your H is a complete narcissist. You need to tread very carefully. Things will not be easy if you try to take steps to break up that unit. You need alot of support to do so.

OMG what a nasty man he is - look up your benefit entitlement on Turn2us - base it on your salary alone - go to a website for maintenance payments based on his salary. You need someone around you when you tell him - you are fearful of him -= he will make it difficult or may beg, pleaded, cry, threaten suicide to get you to stay. Contact womens aid as he’s emotionally abusive and contact Shelter for advice re your accommodation too - you will be able to stay in it - he’s a very manipulative man and damaging your children and you.
Do you have family? 🌺🌺

This is one of the worst posts I’ve read. He sounds absolutely awful. You know you can’t stay with this man. I think you need an exit plan. Pack his bags. Get the locks changed. Have someone with you (a friend or neighbour - I know it’s embarrassing but you need support here). Notify the Police there may be an incident. Make sure the children aren’t home. Get this man out. (Threatening to urinate on your clothes? And the way he treated your poor poor DS. Disgusting!)

Get the locks changed while he is at work. Contact the Housing Association for advice. Tell him it's over.

Fucking hell. I'm so sad for you and all the women who live with this behaviour. Time to be happy OP and not walk on eggshells the rest of your life. If you feel you don't have the strength to for yourself, do it for your kids so they don't grow up thinking this is normal. And I'm glad you didn't make your kids try a third time, it should be on him to go to them after they've tried once.

This is a great post. It is easy to tell someone what to do or say, and even blame them somehow for putting up with certain behaviour. However, unless you are in that "very same position" yourself, you can't know how difficult it is. I'm not even talking about a similar position, because the difference can be that your husband, although a jerk, was easier to deal with, or you had more support, for example.

How do we know how this man will react if she seriously starts talking about, or making moves to divorce him? It could end up in a very bad way.

It seems this man does not care what his children witness either. He sure as hell does not care about their feelings to some degree. She would need a great deal of support from many areas if she were to go ahead with leaving this man. It will probably be best in the long run for her to leave that relationship, but we need to acknowledge how extremely difficult it will be to get to that place.

This is probably why she has remained there that long. I think she knows she needs to get out. Its just a matter of how and when.

I wish this woman and her children all the best.

@WineGumm he sounds like an ungrateful arsehole

Unfortunately your boys won’t forget this, my mum used to behave like an absolute cow on Mothers Day growing up

I still haven’t forgotten her look of disgust at the house plant I had got her (I was 12, saved up my pocket money, 50p a week back in the day!) I thought she’d love it and was so excited to give it to her but she was so pissed off and I still don’t understand why, all I wanted was her to be happy and a hug

Her behaviour only got worse, one time lobbing a pashmina on the sofa on Christmas Day, saying she hated it

I no longer bother getting her anything with any thought, it’s just a card these days

As for your husband commenting on the “pile” he should be grateful he got anything, Father’s Day shouldn’t be about grand gestures, it’s for the kids to show their appreciation which is what they did

Sometimes when folk act like a total cunt for seemingly no reason, there will usually be a doozie of a reason for it.

And sometimes when folk pick a fight for no reason, the reason will be to make you react so it can be all your fault.

I’m so sorry you and your bairns have this to endure.

@WineGumm just read all your posts, please leave him, I had similar with ex-husband threatening to throw acid in my face

Start making a plan and putting money aside, I did it years ago and walked out with all of my belongings whilst the arsehole was at the pub, I got a restraining order so he couldn’t contact me as he was turning up to my workplace

You can do this, don’t waste your life with this waste of space

Your are right and if the op is serious about leaving him, contact a women's refuge first see if there's space somewhere for you and the kids, you will be moved away but dont listen to him when he comes out with the I'll change I do better this time.

They won't change they won't do better next time.

I was in a women refuge as a kid because my step father was abusive to me and his 2 kids with my mother (mostly me because I got in the way for him with my sisters) she only left him because I told her if she didn't I would kill him, and I tried before she realised I ment it and left him and she went back to him then left him again before she understood he wouldn't change

And verbal abuse is just as damaging to you and your kids as physical abuse, if not worse because you don't always realise it's abuse

Arguing with you is one thing, but being a dick to your kids like that is another.

I'd be seriously thinking about leaving him.

You and your boys deserve better.

Please take this man out of your children’s daily life, and yours. He is already doing untold damage. Divorce him, advocate for your poor children, and yourself, and see how he likes it when he can only damage them at weekends and holidays. And then one day they decide for themselves that they don’t want to see him at all.

He sounds irredeemably dreadful, I’m so sorry. I think you know what you need to do today.