Horrible Fathers Day with DH

[WineGumm]

Horrible Fathers Day morning with DH - honestly dreadful.

Last night DH and I had a fight, he had watched 4 hours of WWE on TV and I had left him alone to enjoy it. When it had finished I made a hot chocolate and went to sit on the couch. DH was taking up the whole settee with his legs on top of the couch, I asked him nicely to move his legs and he huffed that I was controlling how he sat. I just didn’t want his feet in my face. Things spiralled after he refused to move his legs and he called me “rotten”on the inside” a “vile woman” and a horrible person and I was ruining his night etc. All for asking him to move his legs! He said these things in front of DS (12)

I walked off and went to bed, I had to remove myself from the situation.

This morning I tried to act as normal possible. I wished him Happy Fathers Day. DS made him a cup of coffee (he barely looked at DS and told him he had just had one)

Got the cards and DS made a few jokey gift vouchers. DS2 had made a little present in school, his main hadn’t arrived in time, he also had a history magazine and a gift voucher.

DS went to give him the cards and he would barely look at him, saying shall we just not bother. He had a face like a slapped arse, it was dreadful. I told him to put aside whatever it was was going on and make an effort for the kids.

He started another fight and I’m ashamed to say that DS went to his room upset.

I had to convince DS to come back down and try again saying that Daddy was having a bad day.

We tried again but it was dreadful, so forced. I apologised that his main gift had not arrived, I admit that I said “please don’t shout at me” I apologised for saying that as it was probably passive aggressive and I said please don’t be upset.

DH looked at the little pile saying that there was barely anything there.

DS stormed upstairs again. I had to go to work.

I text DH to see if he would at least take the kids out to the park as the weather was lovely but he refused. I even sent him free McDonald’s vouchers so he could take him to a drive through but he refused to attempt to salvage the day.

DS stayed in his room all day, DS2 amused himself and DH played video games all day.

Its 9pm and the cards are still unopened 😔

If it wasn’t Fathers Day I swear I would have asked for a divorce today.

Repeat what others have said. Get out. You and your children deserve so much more than this arse of an excuse for a man, father and husband. I know you have said you are concerned about how you would leave. Consider this carefully as you may be aware it is a high risk time and speak with Women's Aid - https://www.womensaid.org.uk/ - and of course don't hesitate to call the police at any time if you are concerned for you or your children's safety. Also is there anyone in real life you feel you could confide in as a safe person to help you whether emotionally / practically?

It's more than okay to leave this arsehole manchild. He's a shocking example to your boys.

I sent my dad a happy father's day message first thing this morning.

At about 11am it dawned on me that I hadn't arranged anything for my DH from our small children!! I apologised to DH and he gave me a cuddle and a kiss and said it was absolutely fine. He went and made pancakes for us.

To read your husband is complaining about a small pile of gifts and cards is absolutely pathetic.
What a sad, sad individual.

Leave leave leave

Would be interesting to know what he did for you for Mother’s Day!

Perfect answer!

He is behaving like this presumably because he knows he can get away with it. He knows OP has no-where else to go and because of his public persona she'll not be believed if she tells others what he is really like.
She has no way of making him leave, at best he will laugh in her face if she suggests it, at worst he will punish her for her disloyalty/disobedience.
He knows she feels guilty that the children are witnessing & being subjected to this, he knows she won't want to risk him kicking off in front of them and so she is forced to tiptoe around him.
Yes she needs to get away from him but those who are berating her for being with him are not acknowledging the reality of the situation.

So sorry. What an awful way to behave to you and your son.
Please think seriously about your relationship with this selfish man child.

You need to do more than that. Give it genuine consideration. If not for yourself, then for your kids who will be psychologically effected by their father’s nasty, selfish behaviour.

Oh the poor wee cunt and his tiny pile of presents. FFS.

Wow. I am speechless at such nastiness. What a vile bastard to be so cruel to his children.
Im sorry OP but your dc are never going to forget this. I hope you’re seriously considering divorce.

Father’s Day sounds like the perfect timing to ask for a divorce in your case.

I think I would be asking him how Father's Day went when he was a kid. His behaviour is regressive - watching wrestling, refusing to move his legs on the sofa like a sulky teenager, deliberately but perhaps also unconsciously sabotaging the day with his tantrums and then only feeling free to enjoy it or let anyone else enjoy it until it's all over and safely ruined. He needs to connect the dots and think about how he felt then and to think about how his kids feel now. Don't tell him - ask him how he felt and be interested and let him talk about himself and his feelings, listen to him, and then ask him how he thinks his sons feel now

So, ask for one tomorrow.
He truly deserves one.

And tell him Fathers Day is not about the gifts you receive. It is about the gifts of CHILDREN that you already have and the gift of your own father. It is also about being thankful that your wife enables you to be a father and have a beautiful family.

All Dads I know adore their personal homemade gifts.
Your husband behaves like a moody teenager.
Has he had a frontal lobe brain injury?
Too much heading of the ball in soccer maybe?

What did your terrible excuse for a husband do for his own father or grandfather yesterday?

Help to leave him:
Contact your housing association. As your younger child has complex needs you might qualify for housing on your own with the children.
IIt’s very concerning that you can’t trust his actions if you told him you want a divorce while he’s alone with the children. This suggests the kids could be at risk from him. Please don’t keep this to yourself.
Speak to Women’s Aid, speak to shelter for housing advice. And your own HA.
I really think you need to get out asap. And don’t worry what other people might think., they don’t matter you and your kids do.

Could he be trying to start fights as a way to make you hate him? That way he can leave the marriage and go off with a woman he's having an affair with. LTB ducks in a row time

@user1492757084
Worth considering of course but would he be able to keep up his public façade if his behaviour was related head injury?

Leave. Please just leave. Take the kids and go. Show this post to your solicitor.

That's horrific. He is emotionally damaging your poor kids

My DH main present had not arrived either. He made a comment about being unloved and did a pretend cry and then gave me a hug laughing. This was not in front of DS. He then was enthusiastic about his few little presents and acted surprised when DS said his main present would come tomorrow saying “oh wow I get more”
if he had done what your husband did I would be really upset and would be seriously questioning my marriage

Leave him. He sounds awful. He should have been delighted to get home made cards.

Don't ask for a divorce. You don't need his permission to get a divorce, just get a lawyer. Your husband is an abusive, entitled, 24 karat prick.

What a dick. Your poor kids. I’d divorce him pronto so they’d never have a Father’s Day like that again.

Tell him you want a divorce tomorrow then. He doesn’t care about your children or you. What an absolute horror.

Why would you put him through it twice? Can you kick your husband out?

Put your children first. They are growing up with this horrible man who us emotionally abusing them.
In six years your oldest will be an adult and you won't be able to reverse the damage.

Make Fathers Day the day you show your kids what actual love looks like and tell him it's over. The kids will still be feeling like shit because he put their efforts down. They will be grateful you are not making them go through more of it.

Do not change your mind. You will be relieved it's over as will your beautiful boys.