Horrible Fathers Day with DH

[WineGumm]

Horrible Fathers Day morning with DH - honestly dreadful.

Last night DH and I had a fight, he had watched 4 hours of WWE on TV and I had left him alone to enjoy it. When it had finished I made a hot chocolate and went to sit on the couch. DH was taking up the whole settee with his legs on top of the couch, I asked him nicely to move his legs and he huffed that I was controlling how he sat. I just didn’t want his feet in my face. Things spiralled after he refused to move his legs and he called me “rotten”on the inside” a “vile woman” and a horrible person and I was ruining his night etc. All for asking him to move his legs! He said these things in front of DS (12)

I walked off and went to bed, I had to remove myself from the situation.

This morning I tried to act as normal possible. I wished him Happy Fathers Day. DS made him a cup of coffee (he barely looked at DS and told him he had just had one)

Got the cards and DS made a few jokey gift vouchers. DS2 had made a little present in school, his main hadn’t arrived in time, he also had a history magazine and a gift voucher.

DS went to give him the cards and he would barely look at him, saying shall we just not bother. He had a face like a slapped arse, it was dreadful. I told him to put aside whatever it was was going on and make an effort for the kids.

He started another fight and I’m ashamed to say that DS went to his room upset.

I had to convince DS to come back down and try again saying that Daddy was having a bad day.

We tried again but it was dreadful, so forced. I apologised that his main gift had not arrived, I admit that I said “please don’t shout at me” I apologised for saying that as it was probably passive aggressive and I said please don’t be upset.

DH looked at the little pile saying that there was barely anything there.

DS stormed upstairs again. I had to go to work.

I text DH to see if he would at least take the kids out to the park as the weather was lovely but he refused. I even sent him free McDonald’s vouchers so he could take him to a drive through but he refused to attempt to salvage the day.

DS stayed in his room all day, DS2 amused himself and DH played video games all day.

Its 9pm and the cards are still unopened 😔

If it wasn’t Fathers Day I swear I would have asked for a divorce today.

Sounds awful for you and your boys.

I feel so so sad for you all.
Please, think how you can leave this horrid person. Your poor boys 😢

WineGumm don't be so sure that your "dh" will leave the house. Men like him more often than not flatly refuse and tell you to leave yourself if you're not happy.

As a pp said, take some time on your next day off to go and see the housing dep;artment and ask what happens in cases such as yours.

Please call Womens Aid as soon as you can OP. They will be able to help and advise, according to your circumstances. This man is horrendously abusive, you and your children need to leave. You must leave and they will help you make a plan, safely. 💐

This, 100%.

I struggle to remember the happy memories of my parents. I’ve had a lot of therapy which has helped me to see it for what it was.

I really wish they’d divorced ten years before they did and given me a chance of a happier life, rather than one treading on eggshells in fear of the next blow up.

If you’re worried about his reaction, plan for it. Get everything ready so you can just go. And have someone with you when you tell him if you’re scared of his reaction - or if it’s that bad then make a plan to leave without telling him, and then it’s done. If you’re genuinely scared of how he will react, you don’t need to tell him. Prioritise yourself and your DC.

He sounds awful. If this is typical behaviour from him and you are just seeing it in this light because of Fathers Day, then I would be considering how staying in the relationship is enhancing your and your DC's lives.

To echo what everyone else has said, please get out. The sooner the better. Tbh he sounds like a ticking timebomb with his moods and you and your boys deserve better.

Have a think about what is going on when you see those sides. My ex was perfectly pleasant when I was agreeing with him, not bringing up issues and giving him an easy life eg out to hobbies whenever he pleased, minimal demands. The cruel and violent side came out when I dared to go against him or try to discuss anything he didn't like. He was literally training me to behave how he wanted me to, rewarding 'good' behaviour and punishing 'bad'.
Your description of what happened over the sofa seems to indicate he's doing the same and dragging your children into it.

My dad was like this when we was kids. None of us speak to him now. Barely speak to our mum too as she enabled him being like this around us. Toxic relationships unfortunately will make your kids resent you down the line.
It's not you it's obviously him. But you putting up with a man like this around your kids is no good. Can't stand men like this childish and just complete cunts. Your son probably feels really shit like his gifts wasn't good enough 😩

Have a family member or friend watch the children at their house and have a male family/friend come with you when you tell him. Even if they wait outside the room, at least you know they're there to help if things turn nasty and also it's a witness to it all should he try and lie about anything.

Sorry but if my husband treated my children that way it’d be the end of the relationship.

You need to ring women’s aid and leave him.

By staying and coaxing your children to tip toe around him like this you are damaging them as much as he is. Harsh but true. They need to learn that this behaviour is unacceptable, and you need to show them that.

He sounds really abusive. Your poor kids 😔 I would have been absolutely livid about his behaviour towards his children today, it is unforgivable. If you can't make the break for yourself, do it for your boys. You don't need to ASK him for a divorce, you TELL him that you're divorcing him. But before that, get support from family and friends, speak to Women's Aid (especially if you're worried about his reaction) speak to the housing dept at your local council so you know where you stand, get some legal advice. Once you're armed with more knowledge about what your rights are, you can make a plan. Don't approach him about a divorce until you've got all your ducks in a row. And get some back up/support from your closest friends - it will be invaluable. Good luck OP, you deserve to be happy and so do your children 💐

I feel so sad for you and the children living with this nasty man. Hope you find a way to leave xx

Please don’t stay with this man. He’s a complete arse. Stop pussyfooting around him and tell him straight that you don’t want to be with him. Hopefully you can stay in the house. Can you afford to get some legal advice.

these poor children

Makes me feel so sad for you and your children reading this. I really hope you find a way to make a go of things without him somehow, he doesn't deserve to have a family if this is how he treats you all.
No one should have to live with someone like this.

He's emotionally abusing your dc.

Jesus fucking Christmas… of course it’s the poor relationship, because one person in the entire relationship of everyone, is an utter C U next Tuesday. It sounds like your judging is impacting your ability to support another woman and children in a very shitty situation, that none of them deserve to be in.

Don’t fantasise about it. Leave him before he ruins your children. Don’t bring them up around that awful environment

This. They should not have to be put through this.

This is a classic thing narcissists do. Please leave.

I'm so sorry OP, he a horrible, cruel & selfish man. This must be so stressful and you are bound to be fearful of him, that can make you feel a bit frozen & unable to act.
The discrepancy between his public face and the real person is a major headfuck.
I hope you can start making a plan.

Wow what a child he is.
So immature.
My DH is just happy with a hug and a thanks!

Your sons are going to become just like their father if you don't get them away from him. The most influential male role model in their lives hates women and abuses them. This is who they will become and why the cycle of abuse and violence continues almost unabated.