Horrible Fathers Day with DH

[WineGumm]

Horrible Fathers Day morning with DH - honestly dreadful.

Last night DH and I had a fight, he had watched 4 hours of WWE on TV and I had left him alone to enjoy it. When it had finished I made a hot chocolate and went to sit on the couch. DH was taking up the whole settee with his legs on top of the couch, I asked him nicely to move his legs and he huffed that I was controlling how he sat. I just didn’t want his feet in my face. Things spiralled after he refused to move his legs and he called me “rotten”on the inside” a “vile woman” and a horrible person and I was ruining his night etc. All for asking him to move his legs! He said these things in front of DS (12)

I walked off and went to bed, I had to remove myself from the situation.

This morning I tried to act as normal possible. I wished him Happy Fathers Day. DS made him a cup of coffee (he barely looked at DS and told him he had just had one)

Got the cards and DS made a few jokey gift vouchers. DS2 had made a little present in school, his main hadn’t arrived in time, he also had a history magazine and a gift voucher.

DS went to give him the cards and he would barely look at him, saying shall we just not bother. He had a face like a slapped arse, it was dreadful. I told him to put aside whatever it was was going on and make an effort for the kids.

He started another fight and I’m ashamed to say that DS went to his room upset.

I had to convince DS to come back down and try again saying that Daddy was having a bad day.

We tried again but it was dreadful, so forced. I apologised that his main gift had not arrived, I admit that I said “please don’t shout at me” I apologised for saying that as it was probably passive aggressive and I said please don’t be upset.

DH looked at the little pile saying that there was barely anything there.

DS stormed upstairs again. I had to go to work.

I text DH to see if he would at least take the kids out to the park as the weather was lovely but he refused. I even sent him free McDonald’s vouchers so he could take him to a drive through but he refused to attempt to salvage the day.

DS stayed in his room all day, DS2 amused himself and DH played video games all day.

Its 9pm and the cards are still unopened 😔

If it wasn’t Fathers Day I swear I would have asked for a divorce today.

Well done!!
I welled up when I read your update, I was so relieved and happy for you

Things might get tough over the next few weeks, but keep reading that list of shitty things he's done and all the comments on here

You can do this - a better life for you and DC is on the way

I don’t have any useful advice but I just wanted to sent you lots of love and say how brave you are for making steps to save yourself and your children from any more misery at the hands of this creature. You all deserve so much better and they are lucky to have you. Stay strong, you will get through it and all be so much happier and better off.

What a fukn arsehole. Doesn't deserve his kids or wife

Well done, I'm so impressed to read this thread and the way you have handled his shitty behaviour!

You'll be so much happier without him dragging you down. A happy, calm home is what you all deserve

Everything else aside, a grown man who would rather watch WWE and play video games alone than spend time with his family sounds absolutely tragic!

@Bookmark1111

phone ran out of power I posted that at beginning on thread.

Yes, I do.

Well done OP, so relieved to read your update this morning. You are stronger than you know and you CAN do this. It will be hard but you and your children will literally have better lives for this. Keep going x

I grew up around a grumpy dad. Hell. On. Earth.

These men are able to keep their shit together at work, the pub as there would be consequences
for acting a twat in these contexts). No, they just take out their issues on their wives and children. Because what can/will they do?

Bastards.

Well done @WineGumm

When I split with my (similarly vile) ex, I remember cycling somewhere in summertime and I felt pure joy flood through me in a way that I hadn’t felt since I was a kid. I met him at 19 and left him at 41 so it makes sense. He was (is) absolutely awful - left me black and blue a number of times, said horrible things to me, smashed up the house on multiple occasions. It was the “red mist” apparently- he couldn’t be held responsible. Also held a highly respected senior professional job, a mild mannered man slightly shy man to the outside world. Just a fuckwit and a terrorist to his wife and young children.

I ended it in November 2022 and the separation process was hard (because he made it hard) but never once have I doubted my decision. The kids are safe and settled with me - he has them EoW (when he came be bothered). My career has flourished since I left him. I have reconnected with an old flame who I genuinely believe is the love of my life. Life can be amazing and I hope it is for you too ❤️

Congratulations OP🌷
I feel it might be a good idea to keep a detailed log of everything that happens. He has admitted to acts of revenge such as urinating on his exes property, it seems likely there are worse things that he hasn't admitted to.
Just in case you need to build a case against him make sure you have all the evidence in advance.

So bloody happy/relieved to have just read your update @WineGumm . Honestly you’ve been on my mind this morning as Ive been out on the school run and running errands, isn’t that silly how worried you can be about a stranger on the internet. I hope it gives you strength to know that all these women on Mumsnet have your back and are rooting for you and your boys!

As others have already said - these next few weeks will be the hardest, so keep that strength and resolve up. He will probably put on the charm offensive to start, promise he will change, but don’t fall for it. Then he will get angry when that doesn’t work. The sunshine on the other side will be so worth it.

Speak to Women’s Aid about how you could get him off the tenancy and out of the house safely and legally. Xxxx

Welldone @WineGumm !!!!
so happy u making the right decision for u and your kids !! X

Sending you love and positive vibes. Here's to your new life without this tosser in it.

I’m so proud of you! I noticed he’s currently playing victim. He will get angry next. Be prepared. When he tries to play victim about being NC with his dad, you need to ask him exactly why this is… my guess is that it is own behaviour. Don’t let him guilt trip you. Nobody “Makes” anyone think or feel or behave any way at all. It’s always their own choice.

Completely unacceptable behaviour, your poor kids. If this is how he behaves on a regular basis then I'd have to leave.

Wonderful news OP. I'm so glad you will be getting shot of this arsehole.

Remember - you are not responsible for his feelings.

Get your kids away from him. If dh spoke to our boys like that, I'd be gone. Thinking of your boys' effort and then how they were treated is heartbreaking.

OP it might be that he was prepared to have a calm discussion and to apologise purely because he feels and/or thinks that he will be able to talk you round.
He might become vindictive or belligerent when he realises this is not going to happen, he might not go as quietly as he appears to be going.

Eeew! Well rid. Stick to your guns. Well done 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Your boys are currently shocked by his behaviour, as they grow it will become more normalised, please please leave. I’m sorry you’re in this situation, you and your children deserve so much better

How any adult .let alone a father could treat his children in such an appalling way is beyond me.He is no man and no father.

Your finances may be separate, but for the financial settlement, everything will be considered. You may be to entitled to more than half. Please educate yourself!! What you do now may determine whether you’ll be reasonably well off or living in poverty.

Do you mean half of what we own? Or his pension/earnings etc? Sorry, I am clueless!

I am divorcing my husband and he is also at his mummy's, having his meals cooked, his washing done, doing nothing with the kids, pets, house sale. It pisses me off however I'm winning as no longer have to live with him.

Reframe it in your mind. What you're doing is priceless.

You definitely need a solicitor. I thought I didn't need one when I divorced my husband, over the years this has cost me and consequently my DS a small fortune and we struggled. While ex continued to go out on the piss and generally enjoy himself.
Please get a good solicitor.
You're a strong woman and a good role model for your son's to see how women should be treated by men. Stick to the plan you won't regret it.
There's a good guy out there, you'll find him when the time is right xxxx