Horrible Fathers Day with DH

[WineGumm]

Horrible Fathers Day morning with DH - honestly dreadful.

Last night DH and I had a fight, he had watched 4 hours of WWE on TV and I had left him alone to enjoy it. When it had finished I made a hot chocolate and went to sit on the couch. DH was taking up the whole settee with his legs on top of the couch, I asked him nicely to move his legs and he huffed that I was controlling how he sat. I just didn’t want his feet in my face. Things spiralled after he refused to move his legs and he called me “rotten”on the inside” a “vile woman” and a horrible person and I was ruining his night etc. All for asking him to move his legs! He said these things in front of DS (12)

I walked off and went to bed, I had to remove myself from the situation.

This morning I tried to act as normal possible. I wished him Happy Fathers Day. DS made him a cup of coffee (he barely looked at DS and told him he had just had one)

Got the cards and DS made a few jokey gift vouchers. DS2 had made a little present in school, his main hadn’t arrived in time, he also had a history magazine and a gift voucher.

DS went to give him the cards and he would barely look at him, saying shall we just not bother. He had a face like a slapped arse, it was dreadful. I told him to put aside whatever it was was going on and make an effort for the kids.

He started another fight and I’m ashamed to say that DS went to his room upset.

I had to convince DS to come back down and try again saying that Daddy was having a bad day.

We tried again but it was dreadful, so forced. I apologised that his main gift had not arrived, I admit that I said “please don’t shout at me” I apologised for saying that as it was probably passive aggressive and I said please don’t be upset.

DH looked at the little pile saying that there was barely anything there.

DS stormed upstairs again. I had to go to work.

I text DH to see if he would at least take the kids out to the park as the weather was lovely but he refused. I even sent him free McDonald’s vouchers so he could take him to a drive through but he refused to attempt to salvage the day.

DS stayed in his room all day, DS2 amused himself and DH played video games all day.

Its 9pm and the cards are still unopened 😔

If it wasn’t Fathers Day I swear I would have asked for a divorce today.

Good luck OP, you and your children deserve so much more than this vile man xx

He sounds like spoiled child. He watches WWE, plays video games, sulks and throws tantrums! Ugghh...repulsive.

You need to divorce this man, and society as a whole needs to get over the idea of “Father’s Day”. Clearly a holiday invented by the MRAs. How many fathers need or deserve it really 🙄

You absolute superstar @WineGumm! I think this is the best update of any thread I've ever read on MN. You've absolutely done the right thing for you and your boys. Hopefully your DH won't make things difficult during the divorce but if it gets tricky and you find yourself wavering, come back on MN for support. Everyone here has your back.

What an awful person... no excuse for this behaviour, even if he was having a rotten day

Well done OP! Now to stand strong as he will no doubt lay the guilt trip on thick. You've got this!

Your marriage is dead he's totally checked out and you should too. You will be so much happier than this alone I promise you.

You are being unreasonable not to tell him you are divorcing him. Do yourself a favour.

Good for you, @WineGumm - you clearly have way more strength inside you than you may have realised. I hope everything works out for you and your sons. You are giving them a wonderful gift of future contentment as a properly strong family unit. All the very best to you.

Eh? She's told him the marriage is over. He knows.

Wow, well done! Stay strong that’s a huge thing, you’ll hopefully feel loads better when he’s out of your life.

She has told him exactly that!

A - it wouldn't have lasted as his mum would get sick of him - but even if she didn't, so what?

B - having your own comfy, warm bed all to yourself is worth him living the life of Riley for sure!

C - you are teaching your children that when you disrespect another person, you will be the loser.

Unfortunately men like this can be anyone. My violent and abusive ex husband was an aerospace engineer and everyone who knew him superficially thought he was great. He was a psycopath.
You have no choice but to get rid of him.
Don't do anything without talking to a solicitor and women's aid they will give you the best advice.
Don't hesitate to call the police every single time if he is abusive.
I've been there. The relief when you get rid of him will be huge.

Nailed it.

Gosh I don't know you but I feel extremely proud of you.

The fact that he has immediately apologised means he is fully aware he is acting like an asshole and is choosing to do it.

He will try to persuade you to let him stay now OP. Keep that fantasy of getting him out of your life as your life goal and let the solicitor do their job.

Imagine next fathers day as being poles apart from this one and let that carry you through.

Thank you. It’s reassuring that I’m not alone and I’m so sorry you went through a similar situation. I almost wish all those years ago that I had called the police when the violent threats began. He’s never been physically abusive, it’s all verbal, name calling, threats of violence, put downs etc.

That’s really nice to say. Thank you.

I am going to write a list of all the small steps I have to take to completely remove myself from him. I have emailed womens aid to request an appointment this morning.

It’s all flooding back to me. All the vile things he has ever said or done.

He once threatened to pick up a spider and throw it in my face. (I am extremely phobic of spiders) A big one ran across the living room floor, I screamed for him to get rid of it.

He was gaming.

He said if I don’t stop screaming, he will pick up the spider and throw it in my face.

I should have left at that moment.

Your first few posts made me tear up a bit, thinking of what this dreadful sh1t stain of a man was doing to your kids.

The last few have given me goosebumps - I am in awe of your courage and your strength, you're doing an incredibly hard thing but remember, even in the darkest times ahead, it will never be as painful as watching your son's heart break.

Well done @WineGumm. I don’t have any personal experience of this but this organisation might be of help. They offer affordable legal advice (with payment plans) as well as tools for navigating various aspects of separation/divorce including child contact arrangements
www.separatespace.co.uk/
Recently heard about it on a podcast, currently offering a discount of 20% with code ‘everything20’ although it was a while ago so that code might not be valid now. I think it’s a female run organisation who are trying to offer solutions and support for women who can’t afford to pay a solicitor retainer up front and need help working out next steps other than just legal. Best of luck

Oh @WineGumm I'm sure from what you say that you need to get this awful turd of a man out of your life. Glad you are getting advice about how you can get him out of the house. You have a child with special needs and it is a rented house, so it should be possible to get the house in your name.

Glad to see you contacted WA this morning for an appointment - but getting HIM out of your house is very important, so I guess you do need to speak to your Housing Association today if you can, to ask what they would need in order to transfer the home to your name only?

Of course, you may be able to get him to move back to his Mum's, in the next 2 or 3 days, which will help to give you time to take the other action you need to do

PLEASE, stay strong. It'll probably get nastier before it gets better. But as he's not physically abusing you, DO NOT be the one to leave your home with your kids. You have every chance of getting the house in your name only - if you take the correct action

Wishing you very good luck and I hope you are soon free of this absolute cunt

His main present should be in an envelope from the solicitors asking for a divorce 😀