Horrible Fathers Day with DH

[WineGumm]

Horrible Fathers Day morning with DH - honestly dreadful.

Last night DH and I had a fight, he had watched 4 hours of WWE on TV and I had left him alone to enjoy it. When it had finished I made a hot chocolate and went to sit on the couch. DH was taking up the whole settee with his legs on top of the couch, I asked him nicely to move his legs and he huffed that I was controlling how he sat. I just didn’t want his feet in my face. Things spiralled after he refused to move his legs and he called me “rotten”on the inside” a “vile woman” and a horrible person and I was ruining his night etc. All for asking him to move his legs! He said these things in front of DS (12)

I walked off and went to bed, I had to remove myself from the situation.

This morning I tried to act as normal possible. I wished him Happy Fathers Day. DS made him a cup of coffee (he barely looked at DS and told him he had just had one)

Got the cards and DS made a few jokey gift vouchers. DS2 had made a little present in school, his main hadn’t arrived in time, he also had a history magazine and a gift voucher.

DS went to give him the cards and he would barely look at him, saying shall we just not bother. He had a face like a slapped arse, it was dreadful. I told him to put aside whatever it was was going on and make an effort for the kids.

He started another fight and I’m ashamed to say that DS went to his room upset.

I had to convince DS to come back down and try again saying that Daddy was having a bad day.

We tried again but it was dreadful, so forced. I apologised that his main gift had not arrived, I admit that I said “please don’t shout at me” I apologised for saying that as it was probably passive aggressive and I said please don’t be upset.

DH looked at the little pile saying that there was barely anything there.

DS stormed upstairs again. I had to go to work.

I text DH to see if he would at least take the kids out to the park as the weather was lovely but he refused. I even sent him free McDonald’s vouchers so he could take him to a drive through but he refused to attempt to salvage the day.

DS stayed in his room all day, DS2 amused himself and DH played video games all day.

Its 9pm and the cards are still unopened 😔

If it wasn’t Fathers Day I swear I would have asked for a divorce today.

If you can’t get out for yourself then get out for your poor children. He is damaging them(and you) and despite you hoping, things will never ever get better.

Thanks for all your replies and messages of support and encouragement. I have told him it is over this morning. We had a long discussion just the two of us when the kids had gone to school. I was calm and I spoke to him in a matter of fact way about what needed to happen and why I have got to that point.

He apologised for his behaviour yesterday saying that as he has no contact with his Dad Fathers Day always triggers a bad mood. No excuse though is it?

I have now ended the marriage. He apologised for the way he has spoken over the years. He said he “blows up” and says things in the moment and then forgets what he has said. 🙄

We talked for a long time and it was calm but I’m not counting on him remaining so reasonable.

I am planning on speaking to a solicitor and Women’s Aid for advice.

He’s working a night shift tonight so thankfully won’t be in the house.

I don’t know yet how we will navigate the practicalities of housing etc.

I will also contact our housing association for advice.

Please go and see a solicitor to discuss your options. If you don’t have the respect for yourself to get out of this vile relationship then at least have the respect for your kids to remove them from this toxic environment.
I know it’s hard to make the first move but you really must. Your husband is ruining your lives.

You absolute champion @WineGumm

I hope you feel lighter already

Your children are learning such a valuable lesson about what healthy relationships should look like, and the standards they shouldn’t accept (or perpetuate)

Good luck as your organise the de tangling of your affairs

I brought that up with him today - does he remember threatening to piss on my clothes?

He said it was just something stupid said in the moment, it was a “joke!”

He also admitted a few years ago to urinating in his ex girlfriend’s locker in work after she dumped him.

@WineGumm how did he respond to your ending the marriage? Have you asked him to move out?

Well done - that’s huge . Stay strong when the remorse from him starts to get heavy .

Thank you 🥳

I want him gone now and if I could sign the divorce papers right now I bloody would!

This has gone on way too long.

The next bit will be rock hard though.

Luckily we don’t have a mortgage and our finances are separate.

Glad you are dumping him.

Sounds ridiculous but last time what swayed me was how he was living the life of Riley up in his Mums, having all food cooked for him, a lovely comfy bed, no childcare when I was on my own doing it all. My mother pointed out how unfair it was and stupidity I had him back. So so stupid of me.

We haven’t discussed housing yet. I’ve told him our marriage is over. I am going to seek advice on how to get him out of the house.

If I could afford it I would just get a place myself (and kids) and leave him to it but I can’t afford to do that.

Thank you - I have no idea where to begin but I will look into this today.

I’m so happy that you and your children will soon be away from this monster. You all deserve to be treated with love and respect! Sending you good wishes and hugs and just all the positivity in the world x

Thank you ❤️

What an arsehole, feel so sad for your boys .

He apologised for his behaviour yesterday saying that as he has no contact with his Dad Fathers Day always triggers a bad mood

so he thought he’d give his own sons a taste of it.

the more you post the more appalling it is, pissing on someone’s clothes. What a fucking animal.

he is utterly abhorrent. I’m glad you’ve ended it. As staying with him makes you complicit in your own children’s abuse. Watching it happening and doing nothing, is unforgivable.

Stop begging him , pick your self respect off the floor and leave him. I had one like this and he ruined far far too many special occasions, including many Father’s Day.

life is better without the soul sucker. Leave him you will feel 100 times better.

You’ve done the right thing,

Well done!!!!

Well done! So proud of you xx

Oh this is good news op. Well done for you and your sons behalf.
His apology actually makes it worse - ' know what this feels like so I'm going to do it to my sons'
Good people want better for their children, not inflicting the same shit on them.
If he knows in advance he will behave badly for x, then he should have made steps to learn to not behave badly.

Please do stay firm - he might think he can talk you round - don't let yourself be swayed by a few weeks or months of good behaviour.

Really well done to you. I expect things will be a bit tough now, but totally worth it in the long run. So keep thinking about that xxx

Well done OP for having the courage to get out of this toxic relationship.

It will be the best for everyone. I also hope it makes exH reflect and change his behavior, at least for the DC sakes, but somehow I doubt it.

Good luck.

Well done, your sons will thank you x

Next bit is the hard part, stay strong. Keep reading this thread so he doesn't sway you xx