Horrible Fathers Day with DH

[WineGumm]

Horrible Fathers Day morning with DH - honestly dreadful.

Last night DH and I had a fight, he had watched 4 hours of WWE on TV and I had left him alone to enjoy it. When it had finished I made a hot chocolate and went to sit on the couch. DH was taking up the whole settee with his legs on top of the couch, I asked him nicely to move his legs and he huffed that I was controlling how he sat. I just didn’t want his feet in my face. Things spiralled after he refused to move his legs and he called me “rotten”on the inside” a “vile woman” and a horrible person and I was ruining his night etc. All for asking him to move his legs! He said these things in front of DS (12)

I walked off and went to bed, I had to remove myself from the situation.

This morning I tried to act as normal possible. I wished him Happy Fathers Day. DS made him a cup of coffee (he barely looked at DS and told him he had just had one)

Got the cards and DS made a few jokey gift vouchers. DS2 had made a little present in school, his main hadn’t arrived in time, he also had a history magazine and a gift voucher.

DS went to give him the cards and he would barely look at him, saying shall we just not bother. He had a face like a slapped arse, it was dreadful. I told him to put aside whatever it was was going on and make an effort for the kids.

He started another fight and I’m ashamed to say that DS went to his room upset.

I had to convince DS to come back down and try again saying that Daddy was having a bad day.

We tried again but it was dreadful, so forced. I apologised that his main gift had not arrived, I admit that I said “please don’t shout at me” I apologised for saying that as it was probably passive aggressive and I said please don’t be upset.

DH looked at the little pile saying that there was barely anything there.

DS stormed upstairs again. I had to go to work.

I text DH to see if he would at least take the kids out to the park as the weather was lovely but he refused. I even sent him free McDonald’s vouchers so he could take him to a drive through but he refused to attempt to salvage the day.

DS stayed in his room all day, DS2 amused himself and DH played video games all day.

Its 9pm and the cards are still unopened 😔

If it wasn’t Fathers Day I swear I would have asked for a divorce today.

He's got some mental health issue. I feel sorry for him and the kids. You need to try and get him to see a doc.

What an awful man. Your kids and you deserve so much better. Imagine if your sons grow up thinking this is the way to talk and behave to a woman.

I’m so sorry about this, you all deserve better xxx

Jesus Christ OP get yourself and your poor children out of that awful situation. These type of encounters will stay with your boys for the rest of their lives. They will likely face mental health issues as a result. Please stop this madness for the sake of your children.

You feel sorry for a man who threatened to piss all over his wifes clothes during an argument? Course you do.

He's abusing you. This is emotional abuse. And like most victims of emotional abuse, you're psychologically locked into his pattern which is why you continue to play his game - using the children as pawns (sorry but you are), begging him, doubting your ability to leave.

I fear that if you leave straightaway you may go back to him as he has done such a number on your psyche. And if you go back it will be doubly difficult to leave.

I urge you to get some DBT therapy or if you can't afford, read some books on toxic codependency, Melodie Beattie is good for this but doubtless there are other more recent experts whose work other posters can suggest.

get your head straight OP and then get your ducks in a row and kick him out. Your children's happiness and well-being depend on it.

Thinking of you x

How awful, he's abusive and selfish and for the sake of your children (and yourself of course) please get away from this man.

It's my first LTB (Not to make everything about me) he sounds like a horror, I know it's not that easy but he's making you all miserable, please look into it

I’m almost certain that if you speak to your Housing Association about ending an abusive relationship, then you would be awarded the council house and not him. You have 2 children, one disabled and a lower income than him. You will be entitled to help with the rent. Can you make an appointment to go speak to them on your own?

Call Women’s Aid as a priority, they will have experience to helping women in the exact same situation and will be able to give you the correct next steps.

It's easy to leave an abusive relationship if you have a good network of friends and families to help you. I really hope OP has the support she needs and is not totally alone at the moment. Good luck!

What an absolute shit. I couldn't spend any more time with him. Whatever his beef was with you which sounds frankly ridiculous imagine upsetting your kids like that. Awful man.

Permanent damage to the mental health of your sons will be done if you stay with this man. Please leave him.

I feel so sorry for your sons, the fact they went to their rooms upset because of their dads reaction would have broken my heart.
Your DH is an absolute wanker and doesn’t deserve Father’s Day gifts or lovely homemade cards.

Well today is not father's day...

Start your exit plan.

Ok you don’t know how to leave but you can find out.

I'm sorry, OP.
Other people already said what needed to be done.
Allow me to give you an example of another pig of a "father", also with MH issues, steamed from a tough Army service.
In my country then, kids were expected to behave as adults and not bother parents, that was the norm.
So when one day a five year old kid woke up and politely asked where Mother is gone, said father replied that she left us because you weren't good enough. His idea of a joke.
Now, I'm the 45 yo kid, and you wouldn't believe how many people of my generation are seeking help with MH. (Mother was at neighbours).
Please, don't let your boys feel like this or similar when adults, because it always catches up.
Sorry for the long post, this thread is about you.
Please leave, even if this man is slightly lesser scum than the one used to be in my life.
Kids don't have a choice! You do. 😊

Everything you have said sounds like typical Narcissist behaviour….the ruining special occasions, making everything about him, the threats to do awful things….and having no friends of his own! You will figure it out, and you will feel so much happier once you are free from the burden of this pathetic man child draining your energy….remember your boys are learning how to treat others through witnessing the interactions they see at home….

Sounds like he has had enough of u all, get rid.

Divorce because it will protect your children from his verbal and emotional abuse.

I oulfnt be surprised if the info on your list of abuse could be used by the police

Show your boys that it's unacceptable for men to behave that way towards their partner and children (and literally anyone else) by ignoring the name of the day and kicking him to the curb. No one should have to live with that, especially not children.

I voted YABU for not divorcing him yet.
Father’s day or not, this sounds absolutely awful. Not just how he treats you but how he treated your children today.
I am so sorry OP, he sounds like a horrible man and regardless of who you are and what you may have done in the past, nobody deserves to be treated like this. I hope you have the financial independence and sufficient support IRL to be able to walk away from this.

Don't leave your council property. The council will not support you in getting another.

Go speak to the housing officer and see what they can do - but ds2 s needs should come first if he's disabled - so if he would remain with you then you stay in the house.

Your day with him reminds me of women who talk about whatever the last straw was before they left their husband

What a disgusting man. No words.