WhatsApp group being ruined by underwear pics

[Boreoffwithyournakedpics]

I don't really know if I'm overreacting here.

I'm in a WhatsApp group with some mums originally from reception. Our kids are teens now. We are loose friends for years, have a night out about twice a year and a summer get together with the DC. These gatherings usually have about half the group there so while we keep up-to-date with the chatting on the group it's not unusual to not see a person in person for a few years.

One of the women, Natalie recently got into fitness working out with a PT twice a week. She was slim already. A few months ago she went to her school reunion and shared that she was nervous. She posted a photo of herself about to go out and we all told her she looked gorgeous - she did! Later she said some of the women were unfriendly and we all joked that they were jealous of her. She then made some nasty remarks about them being very fat and old looking now. It was a bit weird but the conversation moved on.

Some of the women in our group are struggling with their self esteem and upset about their weight. I don't know why as I only ever see them looking great but this is what they have shared.

Natalie, possibly spurred on by our compliments is constantly posting photos of herself. What started with outfits is now underwear shots every few days referring to her thighs, snatched waist or whatever.

I personally am delighted for anyone working on their fitness and feeling good about themselves (I'm in that camp) but the relentless photos and self congratulating are really peeing me off. It's not a group about fitness, nobody else is sharing progress photos and frankly it's bloody annoying.

It's gotten to the point I have muted the group and rarely post. I am holding myself back from making a caustic remark.

Yabu : she can do what she wants and is possibly inspiring the others
Yanbu : what a tedious bore - tell her to get a grip.

Can you block her? You won't see anything from her but I'm not sure if she would notice that you blocked her?

"Bloody hell Natalie, starting to forget what you look like with clothes on. Reign it in with the undies pics, it's killing my own confidence here 🙈"
That's how I'd respond. She should get the hint -and I bet other similar comments will follow once someone has said the first one anyway. YANBU by the way.

Don't say anything that puts yourself down. Feeds in to her thinking you're all jealous.

Christ what a bore. I'd respond to every photo with the 🥱 emoji, and if the hint isn't taken then 'FFS, rein it in would you? We're all bored of seeing your arse'.

This sounds annoying OP

I know someone who has got in shape over the past few months and she is constantly posting photos of herself. It's dull. It's not like she is the most attractive person in the group but she gets lots of compliments so keeps posting.

That sounds more bitchy than I mean it to. I just mean there are lots of people in the group who look great but she's the only one constantly posting photos and going on about herself.

Every time she posts a pic like that, post one of a cake… I bet you get more positive reactions!

There is nothing much worse than a sports bore on those sorts of groups. Especially if the rest of you are on laying on the sofa with crumbs on your tits.

😆 🤣

Send a few funny Celeste Barber videos to the chat, she might take the hint! Celeste: www.facebook.com/share/r/WYt9ZrZG11iADAGU/?mibextid=WC7FNe

I would be inclined to ask what her reason is for posting these pictures.

Is she

1. Self-obsessed
2. or, Fishing for compliments
3. or, Has self-esteem issues
4. or, Likes to shame others
5. or, Something else?

Yes, I would be that brutal. I have no shame.

@Boreoffwithyournakedpics

You know you can set up Polls on WhatsApp?
😉

The photos come with captions like -

Check out my thighs / glutes / abs
Not bad for an old bird
Yes, I got dirty looks from the other wives
Which outfit?
God bless the gym

The gushing comments have slowed to almost nothing and there was a gap for possibly a week until today an absolutely ridiculous excuse to post a full length selfie of her wearing a crop top stating she's not happy with her nails. It's such an obvious fishing exercise. She then managed to insult the appearance of 'other women' within the next 5 mins.

oh Lord. what a self-obsessed narcissist

How tedious!

I would just continue to completely ignore it and hope that she gets the message once others do the same.

You or no one else should leave the group over this.

If you’re thinking that people are going to start leaving the group then perhaps give her a private message and tell her how you’re worried about other members self esteem and perhaps gym selfies etc are best left off the group chat unless people ask for them.

So many comments about how this is affecting others self esteem. Just no.

No one wants to see you half naked. Please stop. That's all.

Ok she’s clearly got issues, I’d not private message it won’t go well.

so anytime she posts, you post something innocuous that changes the convo. Like did anyone watch eastenders last night, or this is shit weather isn’t it. Think I shall do some gardening today.

as soon as she does it, chat something else, and ignore her post, just change the conversation

This will read to her like everyone is so jealous of her their self esteem can’t take it.

See. I would probably start taking the piss out of her. I’d say something like oh my god, your cellulite is terrible. Poor you. Or yep your bum looks really big and lumpy or is it those granny pants. If she’s saying things like wives are glaring etc. I’d say well we can’t all look good. Or we can’t all have great personalities. Don’t worry. Might have just been a bad night for you. For gods sake whatever you do, don’t take the advice someone on here wrote saying it was coming between you and your partner. She’d love that.

Don't say mean things to her about cellulite etc. You're a grown up.

I meant OP was liking them and the partner was jealous

Ok, what you need to do is to figure out the people in the group you are most interested in keeping in touch with.
Then, you set up another whats app group with only them in it. Ideally you make the 2nd whats app group about something relevant only to that group of people, so you have an excuse as to why its a smaller group. Eg, you could set up one to ask for advice on holidays in Italy, if you happen to know all of them have been to Italy before. Or 'Quick question about baking cakes' or something.
Then, if all those people are thinking the same then slowly the chat moves to that group.
You could also do that after a meet up if underwear photo bore doesn't attend, under the pretence of sharing photos of your night out.

A good friend of mine is absolutely brutal and she had something very similar, not school mums but colleagues.
She said something along the lines of, "have you considered a hot wash and a scoop of vanish for that bra?" I can't remember how she put it but it put a stop to her Natalie.

I'd just ignore her, I'm all for supportive comments and congratulations to people doing well but Natalie sounds like she's thriving more from using her new confidence to upset those less confident than anything else. I'd not feel OK with that, personally 😕

How about, every time she posts a baity pic, you reply with a different acquaintance’s charity ultra marathon link (or climbing Everest etc).

”Looking fit! That reminds me, if you could spread the word about Liam swimming the channel blindfolded for donkey rescue, that would be lovely.”

She then managed to insult the appearance of 'other women' within the next 5 mins.

That would be the decider for me I think, bigging herself up would be annoying enough but slagging others off is different.

How would you feel about saying something like "that's unnecessary. Bit too much focus on looks around here lately for my tastes." And then pivoting the conversation to something else?

I'm going to take this approach.