My boring family and I

[Ohwowhowutterlyexciting]

Did anyone get to a certain age or when your child was a certain age (if you have kids) of feeling trapped and bored?
I had Dd later in life due to infertility, so I’d lived a lot (not sure if that makes things easier or harder)
Having her was a shock to the system, but I embraced it all completely and hard as it was at times, I loved being a mum and everything that went along with it-soft play, playgrounds, play dates, crafts and so on.
Dd is 6 now and I’m starting to feel very trapped and quite depressed watching others social media (I’ve not really been like this before)
Dd doesn’t like to go out much recently and just wants her friends to come to play, which they do every weekend. Dh generally just wants to *Chill at home at weekends and falls asleep in the afternoon.
I just feel so trapped, sat in the house on a beautiful sunny day (live abroad) seeing everyone else out at the beach or pool and no one wants to do anything. The only way I can escape is to go to the shop or take the dog for a walk.
Is anyone else’s family like this or does anyone feel like this? I feel like I’ve been fine with lovely play dates with friends and embracing being a mum and now i’m missing my old life of no responsibilities and being drunk and going to festivals and travelling.
I realise I sound so selfish, but is this it now?
Im 45 so maybe it’s peri?
Feel like life is passing me by

This is what I did.

I have a 6 year old and a 3 year old and they just do whatever I tell them we’ll be doing on any given day. They might piss and moan about it but we usually end up having a good time (particularly if I promise ice cream at the end of the day and hold it over their heads all day 😂). If DH can’t come or doesn’t want to come I just take them on my own (and he owes me a night off!). We do activity farms, country parks, swimming, trip to local shopping centre, craft pottery places, garden centres. Most of those things are around a 15-20 min drive from our house. I do appreciate we are lucky to be able to afford these! I usually take a picnic to a country park and have a couple of passes to local places that save a lot of money if you go regularly.

The thread is about how you sit and home and do nothing all weekend but you have "no time" to do anything?

If dh and dd want to stay home at the weekend and you want to go to the pool or the beach, why don't you just do that? Why does the whole weekend need to be devoted to 'family time'?

Yes, constant family time is a sacred cow that deserves to be discarded. I never have and never will spend all my weekends with my family.

Make your own phone. Go out with friends in the evenings, go and see films, discover new music. Take up a new sport. If your DH wants to stay at home, then that frees you up for some fun stuff!

Another one coming in to say that you go out anyway, at least one day of the weekend, whether DC want to or not. We're a family, so it's not only about what makes DC happy (in the moment). It's also about building their bank of experiences and trying new things. I dunno about you but growing up what we did at weekends was definitely not always about what the kids wanted to do.

DC1 is also autistic so I get having to pace things but I don't think that's the case for you. Plus after a day at the beach they sleep brilliantly.

I also go through and book in things in advance- weekends away, theatre etc so we can look forward to it. These are often free, e.g. museum workshops, so it's not all about spending loads of money either.

I think you need to decide something you want to do and just do it. So at the weekend your DH is responsible for DD one day and you the other. If he wants to spend his free day sleeping or relaxing at home that's fine. But you can do what you want/go wherever you want on your free day. You might have to be prepared to have solo adventures

I would probably just say to DH “I want to go out, you two don’t so I’ll be off, if you want to join me you are welcome to”

Can you do dinner and a movie with them? We like to have lunch and then catch a movie sometimes. Or I’ll book a theatre show etc, something that doesn’t take much effort to do but gets you out as a family?

Your daughter picks up on your husbands negative vibe - I wouldn’t be surprised if she is saying she doesn’t want to go because she knows it will ultimately cause an issue. Kids pick up on vibes and moderate accordingly. I cannot believe that a six year old wouldn’t want to go to the beach - what happens if he agrees go, does she change her tune then?

i think you have more of a husband problem tbh

Why is your 6 year old dictating your weekends!? You're the adult 😂🤣

Tough. It's his child.

Surely the whole weekend whilst your DH is at home with your DD?

I'm sure her husband can sort his own lunch out.

And why on earth are you letting a kid dictate your whole weekend? You’re a family it’s about taking turns to do what each of you want.

join a club op, make new friends.

People deliberately misconstrue what you say on MN. I get what you are saying even though I am a boring fart myself 🤣

Start doing things you want to do. I would go to the beach with my stuff and leave them for the day. DP and DD would have a choice of coming or staying.

I understand this. It was worse for me as I was SAHM - my choice. Kids were up for going out but DH was the bore. Because he commuted , he never wanted to go out in the car Always some excuse , too tired , too crowded , no parking etc. One of the many reasons he is now an ExDH.

I am the same age with a DD who is also 6. I often think I am glad I had those years of freedom to spend my weekends as I pleased.

I now have a daughter who will refuse to get dressed to avoid going out and a husband whose favourite things is to relax at home.

I make plans for weekends away and day trips and let them know way in advance what the plan is so there are no surprises.

@Vettrianofan 😂

DDs are 6 and 2 and it's really important for me to get us out for family trips out.i used to be out every weekend with DH pre-kids, going to see art shows, museum exhibitions, concerts, theatre, new attractions. Life has shifted and we do all the soft play and playgrounds (which I don't find boring - I insist on mixing it up so we go to a different place each time). But we also do trips out which appeal to us all - kids theatre and concerts, some exhibitions and different museums and historic properties.

I book something every weekend and I don't consult my DCs at all (DH always comes but I don't really check with him either, he's happy for me to organise it). I'm fortunate that the DDs seem to enjoy their trips out (they are always chosen to be interesting for the dc), and have never resisted going out (I'm sure they will when they get older though.)

If you organised somewhere to go on a weekend, would they go? Would it make it any more likely if you had booked and paid for something (rather than a trip to a beach which you don't need to commit to?).

Yeah I've felt like this. If DH likes to chill at home he can watch DD and you can get out more and discover some new hobbies or revisit old ones. You may make some more friends outside of the mum friends that centre around kids activities.

Honestly the easiest thing would be to take one of her friends with you to the beach/attraction etc on a weekend.

Other than that, when I got a bit stir crazy, I would plan a weekend away with a friend, even if it was 6 months in the future, it gave me something to look forward to.

Can you look for a hobby for yourself that you do at home (but maybe have a class for an hour a week too).

would it be worth considering something that perhaps you dd might enjoy too so you could do it together. My cousin and her mum have sewn together since cousin was 5, they also do a bit of resin art and pottery too.

I started sewing on a machine recently. I’m a lot hooked and wish I’d found it earlier. I don’t make clothes, I make bags and bears and fabric bowels etc.