My boring family and I

[Ohwowhowutterlyexciting]

Did anyone get to a certain age or when your child was a certain age (if you have kids) of feeling trapped and bored?
I had Dd later in life due to infertility, so I’d lived a lot (not sure if that makes things easier or harder)
Having her was a shock to the system, but I embraced it all completely and hard as it was at times, I loved being a mum and everything that went along with it-soft play, playgrounds, play dates, crafts and so on.
Dd is 6 now and I’m starting to feel very trapped and quite depressed watching others social media (I’ve not really been like this before)
Dd doesn’t like to go out much recently and just wants her friends to come to play, which they do every weekend. Dh generally just wants to *Chill at home at weekends and falls asleep in the afternoon.
I just feel so trapped, sat in the house on a beautiful sunny day (live abroad) seeing everyone else out at the beach or pool and no one wants to do anything. The only way I can escape is to go to the shop or take the dog for a walk.
Is anyone else’s family like this or does anyone feel like this? I feel like I’ve been fine with lovely play dates with friends and embracing being a mum and now i’m missing my old life of no responsibilities and being drunk and going to festivals and travelling.
I realise I sound so selfish, but is this it now?
Im 45 so maybe it’s peri?
Feel like life is passing me by

I have this sometimes. DH is chronically ill and DS1 has autism and is overwhelmed by school and needs to do nothing at weekends in order to recover from the school week. I get itchy feet!!

I compensate by leaving them to it sometimes and I am starting to build my own interests- cinema etc. I also love holidays and trips away and so plan them around times I know that DS might have more energy- not during a term time weekend- but during half term.

I feel restless though, but have to self manage it in a small way. DH does not come away with us all the time when we do go away, because it exhausts him. So we have a system where he chooses which holiday in the year he will attend and he works towards it, and the other times I take the Dcs on my own.

DCs are 14 and `12 for reference.

Sometimes life can feel a bit like that when you have children but the one thing I would say dont believe all you see on social media. People only put up what they want you to see.

Why not try and organise something for the family one day of the weekend and then have the other day to do something for yourself.

My kids often say they don’t want to do stuff. But we’re a family and it’s not all about them so we go out and do things. Usually they enjoy themselves. Why always let you 6yo dictate the weekend? Or just do something yourself.

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor I always have done, but she’s been so grouchy and tired at the moment, it’s easier to let her stay at home and play with friends

The big question is, why “if only”?

I don't understand what's stopping you from leaving DD at home with her dad if that's what they're both happy with.

My mum often went out with her friends at the weekend growing up while I stayed home with my dad.

Going out with friends at the weekend isn’t always straightforward, they generally are spending time with their families. So it can leave you in a lonely position.

He’d probably be pissed off at being left at home watching her, which I realise it out of order, I barely see any of my friends going out and leaving dcs at home, only do we go quite rarely If a friends birthday lunch or something

Well there’s your problem, then.

Obviously that’s not a quick fix, but you’re not there just to make his life easy for him all the time.

Probably is translated as “I’m going to say this as way to blame my husband for me doing nothing “

I know what you mean. I think the solution is to force the issue - so tell them ‘we’re going to the beach today’ and don’t budge.

And also, tell your DH you’re going out and he can supervise DD and her friend in the garden.

Not every weekend obviously but no reason you can’t do that sometimes?

OP, I get what you’re saying and was relieved to see this post. My kids are 9 & 10 and have recently wanted to go out less and less. My son has autism & ADHD, so it really isn’t as simple as just telling him what we’re doing for the weekend as the subsequent meltdowns are worse than the feeling of being trapped 🤦‍♀️

I also feel huge amounts of guilt if I go out and exercise because then DH is dealing with the kids solo. It’s not easy and I fully hear you.

Oh well, let him be pissed off then.

I think some of these replies are a bit harsh. It is boring being home every weekend while your child plays with their friends and your dh is vegging out on the couch. You don't want to leave them and do something by yourself, you want them to want to do things with you, that are mentally stimulating.

Unfortunately raising kids is tiring and involves a lot of repetition! I think the way out of it is to not ask your dd what she wants - just take her somewhere. This will be a mixed experience if mine are anything to go by - parts of our outings they really loved but this was interspersed with fighting amongst themselves, moaning they were tired/hungry/needed a wee/bored etc. But if you aren't a natural homebody, you do need to get out on one day of the weekend.

If possible can you get the grandparents or a sibling to babysit one weekend so you and your dh can get away and remember why you're married?
It's important to have couple time and it's easy to get into a rut so if you want change you kind of have to push it through.

Then he can buck up his ideas and get off his arse.
I am with you OP. I would HATE this. I like to be on the go and lazing about at home is just boring to me. Fortunately my husband is the same.

@Roseyjane Not that at all, you have no idea

I would stay off social media or follow different accounts that are more interest based, I think seeing other peoples highlights can make your life feel boring. But you really don't know what is going on inside their lives, they may be truly unhappy and posting the few best bits to hide it, social media is incredibly fake. Maybe try book a festival over the summer with friends to give you a little of what you are looking for?

Same here. DH works a lot of hours, away all week and is tired at weekends. Teens mostly doing their own thing. I never had the time of money for hobbies so now no idea what I want to do with my time. Friends were all 'school mum's friends and now the kids have drifted apart and no school run so I'm not out much. I've felt like I've been living life on repeat for years and just so bored with it all. I've finally got the freedom now the DCs are older and I'm not using it!

We've decided to upturn our entire lives and relocate, so in 3 months time I'll be starting a new life hundreds of miles away. I've vowed to join clubs/gym, find hobbies, make friends and do stuff with my time. In the meantime, prepping and planning is taking up all my time!

Alot of people would think you were lucky having a partner, a child and live abroad.

You'd be even more bored if they weren't there.

Can you got out for the morning and then back at home to play in the afternoon?

Why are you letting a 6 year old decide what happens? You say
'We're going to the beach today, go and get ready, I'll make a picnic'
She might grumble but tough shit, she'll be fine once you get going.

I had an almost mid-life crisis when my kids were age 6-8 as I felt bored and fed up. It gradually got better as I developed new interests.

We never gave our kids much choice in activities at all when they were young. We did family days out at the weekend amongst the dreaded parties. And they usually ended up enjoying themselves.

Life with young kids can be dull. But you have to fake it till you make it and keep going out and doing new stuff.

I think you might have to be a bit firmer here OP otherwise there is the potential for this to become a habit and your daughter to veto every family activity (or other activities that you just need to do together sometimes even though they're boring) that she doesn't like.

Sit her down and explain when kids are very little they can't really understand that their parents are people too and they need do do activities that aren't their favourite. They dont underatand that its a bit boring for adults to sit and watch kids at soft play etc. Now she is older she is old enough that you take turns choosing family activities, and do them with good grace, and that you're happy to do stuff for her like host playdates but you expect the same from her for example to come to the beach. And that you don't want to hear that it's boring, and when can she go home etc as she wouldn't like it if she had a friend around and you were stomping round saying 'ugh, this is SO BOring, is it time for her to go home yet???' etc. And just make her do it, as much as she moans and might rather be doing something else, I find they always enjoy stuff like going for a walk or a cycle a bit more than they think they will, especially as I tend to bribe them with a small treat while we are out.

I think it's important for them to learn that the world doesn't revolve around them, even if its a bit of a painful lesson. And you can also either meet friends to do activities that you want to do, or take her friend with you all so she has some company

I'm also with the posters who are wondering why you're allowing a six year old to dictate your weekends to such an extent.

At that age, she does as she's told, surely? I mean, if she wanted to stay in bed and eat jam sandwiches all day, you'd say no, so why is this any different?

Are you me?!
Just wanted to echo how you feel.
I have a DD age 6, I'm nearly 40. I have done fun things with my life but it seems things are boring now and life is passing my by.
Partner happy to either just get drunk or sit around watching football at weekends, DD is with her friends either here or at their houses.
I don't really know what the solution is.
Social media can make anyone feel crap though.

I think you need to make plans on the weekend so you don't feel stuck in the house bored.
What I like to do is go out before 10am before the requests for playdates start 😅