My boring family and I

[Ohwowhowutterlyexciting]

Did anyone get to a certain age or when your child was a certain age (if you have kids) of feeling trapped and bored?
I had Dd later in life due to infertility, so I’d lived a lot (not sure if that makes things easier or harder)
Having her was a shock to the system, but I embraced it all completely and hard as it was at times, I loved being a mum and everything that went along with it-soft play, playgrounds, play dates, crafts and so on.
Dd is 6 now and I’m starting to feel very trapped and quite depressed watching others social media (I’ve not really been like this before)
Dd doesn’t like to go out much recently and just wants her friends to come to play, which they do every weekend. Dh generally just wants to *Chill at home at weekends and falls asleep in the afternoon.
I just feel so trapped, sat in the house on a beautiful sunny day (live abroad) seeing everyone else out at the beach or pool and no one wants to do anything. The only way I can escape is to go to the shop or take the dog for a walk.
Is anyone else’s family like this or does anyone feel like this? I feel like I’ve been fine with lovely play dates with friends and embracing being a mum and now i’m missing my old life of no responsibilities and being drunk and going to festivals and travelling.
I realise I sound so selfish, but is this it now?
Im 45 so maybe it’s peri?
Feel like life is passing me by

Sounds like you've just come out of the baby/toddler bubble and looked at life.
Your family life sounds lovely, being able to host play dates every week must be brilliant for your child.
I'd have a good think about what would make you happy. Is it just the lack of being able to let your hair down and being totally carefree? Because as your child continues to become more independent your freedom will come back.
Sounds like you need to find something to fill the gap OP. Your family all get to do something that helps them recharge. What can you do to fill your cup? You may have to deprioritise your families needs sometimes to help yourself get back on track. And that's okay!

I feel similar OP, it's definitely a life stage for some of us and it will pass.

You don’t even know where she lives!

Agreed. His life is easier if you're around to do the grunt work.
Go out on your own. This is normal. Most of us go through this phase.
The men will guilt trip us as our means more work for them.
However, it'll never change if you don't change.
Take DD out for breakfast and swing by the playground on the way home. Bonus points for arranging to meet a buddy there.
Head out in the afternoon alone.
Be home for dinnertime and the bedtime routine.
Both have had time with DD and alone.
DD has done her normal things just in a different environment.
You can go out safe in the knowledge that your special time 121 with DD has been achieved plus DH has had a chill alone time morning to sleep in so he can't whine about not being his afternoon nap.

You obviously live near the beach, so can you get your DD into a water sport? Sailing or windsurfing? That way you get to go to the beach every weekend while she has fun outdoors with other kids.

Dd doesn’t dictate what we do, however her behaviour is quite hard to manage at times (I suspect the possibility of adhd/autism maybe but not too sure yet)
It makes her happy to have her friends over to play, she often kicks up a big fuss, or doesn’t like the seawater getting in her mouth (it happened once) or going in the car in long journeys, it all just seems so hard, it’s easier to let her be happy and play with friends most of the time. Dh is always tired so just sleeps a lot. I’m quite a homebody generally, but recently I’ve got itchy feet and miss simple things like going to the beach at sunset, too busy spending ages trying to get Dd to sleep
I realise I sound like a shit mum, I wasn’t before. I just assumed some of these things would come back and I’d be able to do them

@MushroomStamp Who cares…

I can relate.
you have to claim some of your time back.
when they are little everything revolves around them but she’s a bit older now and it will get easier to rationalise.
I love hiking but my DD never wants to go, she would rather chill at home, but I tell her that we are a family and we make sacrifices and support each other. She understands I do lots of running around to make sure she gets to do the things she enjoys… and this is something I enjoy so she can support me too.

my partner is older and works hard in a physical job. He tends to sleep or chill at home too. I don’t want to put pressure on him if he’s tired so I do things by myself. He can chill with DD at home.
I find when I’m out of the house doing my own thing he gets a FOMO and starts to suggest doing more things that I’m interested in.

don’t nope for your old life, it’s gone and not coming back. Find a way to find yourself even if it’s just a little bit. I used to go to the gym every day before DD. Now I commit to one yoga class a week. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

I was bored. No one wanted to do anything fun. So I took my kids to the other side of the world, alone (and disabled!lol). It gave us all a kick up the backside, it was honestly the best thing I've ever done in my life

Of course, we came back home and straight into our boring lives just like before 😅

But my point is, do it now, if you want to do stuff. Take them with you, leave them behind, don't create too many regrets.

Your daughter’s 6 year old ! If you want to take her to the beach just take her and some beach toys and she’ll be fine once there. Tell DH he can chill and snooze at the beach

I go off perhaps 2 weekends out of every 4 to do a hobby, you wouldn’t believe the grief I get from colleagues, friends, mums on the school run who all “can’t believe” I do this. The only person who fully supports it is my DH because he knows I need it. He is their parent too isn’t he? Why can’t he step up every couple of weeks to give you some time off?!

Your child is 6! You take her wherever you want. Go to exciting places with her, raise an interesting human being. Not everyone is made for a childcentric life. I found those years mind numbingly, soul destroyingly boring.

Now I have one teenager and one pre teenager and they are interesting people, who love to go to new places and see new things. It gets better.

Go to the beach! Go with friends! Stop letting this happen. A 6 year old doesn't get to dictate - why would you leave this kind of decision making to a 6 year old?? You are the mother and you know what's best for you all. And even if your husband thinks he's tired, a beach trip will shake things up and he can relax in the evening and Sunday. Or he can stay at home sometimes. You will be so much happier if you have a fun Saturday. Then find a fun class on a Sunday morning or coffee with friends.

I just assumed some of these things would come back and I’d be able to do them

But you can - the things that are stopping you appear to be in your head, rather than actual physical issues. Are you worried about your DH being angry with you if you go out alone?

I hear you OP! My kids are both ND and it's a saga taking them anywhere on the weekend. They're better at going out now they're a bit older. But around 6 they could be hard work.

When I was with my ex, our weekends were a lot like yours. The kids didn't want to go out. Ex basically didn't enjoy being a parent very much and he never wanted to do anything. I was miserable stuck at home but felt guilty about missing out on family time.

Now my ex has left, he gets to be Disney dad when he has then cos he gets to fuck off and do his own thing the rest of the time. My kids are older and we have an understanding that I take them out one day at the weekend. I use the time they are with their dad to do more fun and exciting stuff. I've got a child free week away this week.

I'm jumping to conclusions here, but your DH never wanting to go out anywhere and falling asleep on the sofa reminded me of my ex on Sundays. I'd be telling him you all go or you're off out on your own. Have one day out and one day home.

I feel a bit similar. My dc are quite happy being at home. 6 is a funny age, they appear big, compared to how they used to be, but are still very young.

It's easy to get in a rut. Maybe choose a family activity every month.

Then have an afternoon to your self on other weeks . Your dh is a parent too, if you are unable to leave dd with him for a short period of time, that is another issue. I'm sure he would go out and leave you with all the childcare. He can also have a leisure afternoon.

Exactly this..

'Dh generally just wants to *Chill at home at weekends and falls asleep in the afternoon'. So on Saturday morning say 'I'm off for a swim, see you at noon' and plan everything round it e.g. lunch in the fridge and no other kids round till afternoon. Then gradually push Saturday childcare on to him.

If seeing other people's lives on social media is contributing to your unhappiness, try backing off it for a bit. Remember they're only sharing the exciting parts of their lives.

I always think living for the weekend is problematic, you have to find small day to day pleasures, or at least something nice to do mid week. I usually try to see a friend mid week at least every 2 weeks, or take myself out for dinner. So even if your DH isn't interested you need to prioritise some adult time.

I could have written this myself OP. Im same age and mine are 7. I am at the age where I want lunch out and a tidy house, which is a nightmare working all week with two kids going mad. Like you I love being a mum, but I selfishly feel I’m missing out on other things.

I know what you mean OP - my son is nine and five years ago we were doing all the soft play and farms, and he was still amenable to trying whatever I wanted to do, or happy to play with my friends' children. Now he knows exactly what he wants to do and that is football, running, video games, YouTube, having friends of his choice over, going to their houses, and eating specific foods.

If I suggest other things there is at best a lack of enthusiasm, more likely strenuous objection. And yes I insist on doing stuff but I often end up thinking it was barely worth it because he is fully capable of quietly sucking the joy out of anything he doesn't want to do.

I think it is just part of them growing up and the only way is to make sure you do and enjoy the things you want with friends or your partner (as difficult as that is when your children are still young enough that you don't actually have much time to yourself to do anything without them...)

Sounds like the problem is your DH who neither wants to do anything as a family or parent his child.

Its hard with kids can get thankless. Can you arrange something with a friend yoga coffee cinema? I find even now if I dont make changes then its same old crap. One evening out of house would help.

You have a dh problem if he is happy staying at home, leave him at home. So what if he is pissed off? Ignore it and carry on living your life. I could not cope with your suffocating situation either!
If your friends can’t come out then go to a meet up near you and make new ones.

This is only going to get worse op.