To think it's not right that DD(19) has a 61 year old mum

[LornaDuh]

Don't know why it's just hit me at 10.45 on a Saturday night in June.

Just feels weird that a girl not yet out of her teens has a mum over 60!

Gosh I am 45 years old too with 20 years old dd and I had an awful evening with her too :( And I completely relate with everything you said !

As a child of older (deceased) parents, it’s more the spectre of them dying when you’re young which hangs over you (borne out in my case, sadly). I’m not saying every child of older parents will lose them young, but my DPs died young anyway (late 50s and early 70s) which meant I was an ‘orphan’ by the time I was 30. It has left me with a big sense of my own mortality and health anxiety.

She well there’s the issue! That’s incredibly young in this day and age.

I’m all for women having children when they choose; but as a general trend I love the idea of all these mums having had a past, a career, usually plenty of travel etc before becoming a mum. I was in my thirties and I feel I was more ready to “cramp my style” with all the things children ( unwittingly) demand. There’s no right or wrong.

Don't stress about it but I know where you are coming from.

When DS was 16 and I was 56, his girlfriend was 15 and her mum was 31. We went out one day, just the 4 of us, and yes, it was generally assumed by people we came into contact with that I was Nan. 😭😭

What a bizarre comment. Why would a 19yo girl not want her mum to meet her friends :/

I am 58 with a 12 year old. I didn’t choose to have a child so late but after many MMC it was the hand I was dealt. I feel so lucky. In comparison with my friends who are 10 years or so younger my life is exactly the same. I go to the gym, have a very good job and still climbing the career ladder and my DD and I are extremely close and do lots do lovely things together. If anything she has kept me and DH v v young.

My parents had me and my siblings v v young and we are all now looking after them despite being older ourselves. I have friends whose parents were older who inherited money at a much earlier stage in their lives and whose parents died when they were younger. I’m not trying to say that they are lucky their parents didn’t live as long, more that there are swings and roundabouts to being a younger or older parent. My DF’s parents were teenagers when they had him and in his 70s he was looking after his DM who was in her 90s!

When DD is 19, I will be 55 but DH will be 65!

Yes, there are some difficulties with being/older parents. It's not something I actively sought out but we met when we were 30 and 40 and lived in different cities, and took 5 years to move in together and be in a position to have children.

We are currently 48 and 58, with DC 10 and 12. Current issues are that we are dealing with are dealing with our 4 deteriorating 80something parents, I am menopausal, DH is feeling his age with minor health issues, kids still need us a lot (and 12yo has ASD). I worry we will find the teen years a killer. DD12 is already in puberty and quite a handful!

The thing is you can't change it. I am honest in conversations with my DD about age and we talk about the pros and cons of having kids early v later. Honestly I felt lucky to have them. I was single throughout my twenties and never had a LTR until I met DH. So that's what I focus on really.

@Pinknelly1982 oh I'm so sorry to hear that you had a bad evening too Wish there was a thread somewhere about living with young adults who have come back from university and hate home life! It's very tense here - solidarity!

Gosh that last sentence is actually quite sobering.

Meh I wouldn't worry about it. I had my kids in my early 30s. I'm the same age as some of DC's mates mums and some of their grannies! There's a few at school who had their first child really young, so their children and grandchildren go to school together 😱

My Mum had me as 45 , and she had my oldest sister at 18 , so I actually have a nephew that two year older then me. My Mum once said to me that she felt she was far to young to have my sister and was far to old to have me , but is was what it was and she had loved and tried her best for all her children. I had my Mum until she passed away at 96 .

My dad was 60 when my brother was born. It kept him young.

A female friend will be 66 when her son is 19. My dsis will be 60 when her son is 19.

its not an issue

Well you gave birth to her, how can it not be “right”

This comment nails it. ⬆️

Every age has its advantages and disadvantages.

The risk with being an older parent is potential risk disability in the child - is that fair on the child?

This is the only downside as far as I can see.

My own dear Mum had me at 41 and died soon after {she was ill anyway}

Many more people are having children much later nowadays.

@LornaDuh I haven't read the full thread.

My dad was in his late 40s when I was born. I had a great relationship with him and feel very lucky to have had him as a dad. Having an older dad didn't affect me when I was growing up, he was more active than many of my friends dads.

Don't worry about things you can't control, it sounds like you have a great relationship with your daughter.

I do think it's sad. Having a child over 40 is not only irresponsible but cruel for that child

It's young. It's not ludicrously young. That's just daft.

At least she has a mum

I don't think it's unusual, but I do wonder about the impact having kids older has on them, especially if they are an only child. I've recently lost a parent and I would have found it immeasurably harder in my 20s and without my siblings. I know lots of people lose parents young anyway but you are increasing that risk the older you are when you become a parent

It's called fertility treatment.
Selfish maybe but not sure why, exactly, their kids probably have everything they need and don't rely on others much.

Assuming the same age,22 is hardly ludicrously young. The bfs Mom isn't 34!!

Agree. This is MN though where anything under 45 as a first time mum is too young lol

This also does depend on circumstances a bit. My mum has average health at 74 but is brilliant with my five year and has him overnight on a regular basis. She also drives 90 mins to see him most weeks.

The main factor is he’s her first and only grandchild. DH’s parents are only a couple of years older but do literally zero. He’s grandchild number 7 on that side, they did loads with their eldest two but after the first ten years or so, I think they were done (even though they were only mid sixties).

How much grandparenting they’ve already done makes as big difference as age (to a point) imo

This is so incredibly judgemental. I'm glad my parents didn't read or listen to comments like this when they were thinking about whether to have me.

As I've posted above, my dad was in late 40s when I was born (mum was younger). I had a fantastic childhood, I wasn't deprived of anything.

I had a look, and average age for first birth in 2002 was 27. So hardly a massive deviation. If the BF is in fact the youngest of 7 then I withdraw my remarks!