To think it's not right that DD(19) has a 61 year old mum

[LornaDuh]

Don't know why it's just hit me at 10.45 on a Saturday night in June.

Just feels weird that a girl not yet out of her teens has a mum over 60!

Thanks, I’m glad it worked out well for you 😊
I agree that there are lots of healthy pregnancies in late 30s/early 40s, but reading up on the “stats” is partly what led to my decision. I know anecdotally that what you say is also true for many, which is great for lots of families.
I had DS1 at 29, so leaving it later than 35 would be too big an age gap for us anyway! To each their own.

My dad was 65 and mum 62 when I was 19 🤷‍♀️

If we were shopping in a supermarket when I was younger. The people on the checkout use to comment it’s lovely that you’re taking your granddaughter shopping. I use to laugh he wouldn’t comment.

They did when I was born to a 40 year old dad and my brother was born when dad was 44.

This was back in the 1950s though when nearly everyone had kids on their very early 20s.

My dad's age didn't bother me, but it was commented on. And my brother found it very hard having a dad of 54 when he was 10.

You are fine. If you are in good health, who's counting the years??? They are just a number. :)

My friend at school was 13 when her dad turned 60. We're about to turn 35 and he's still going strong. Whereas, my mum, who had me at 28, passed away at 48 when i was 20. life is all luck, chance and misfortune. Having your kids young doesn't guarantee you'll be around well into their adulthood, and having them older doesn't mean you'll miss their adulthood.

Honestly OP don’t overthink it. I’m 37 with a mum who is pushing 80 and in great health. My husbands (also 37) mum is 60 and sadly has declining health. I agree rebrand if you’re worried 🤣

People are having kids later and later in life. Soon this will be the norm - you're just ahead of your time, you trendsetter you! 😁

Well, theres nothing you can do about it now anyway

The nice thing about it I find is that we have some friends who are a couple of years older than us, but seem a generation away as they had kids 15 years earlier than us.

They really do keep you young!

Honestly don't worry about it. My mum had me when she was in her 40's. Similar to your daughter, my husbands grandparents are a closer age to my parents than his parents. It's never been an issue and they're wonderful grandparents. A bit of a bonus is when /if your DD has children, there's more of a chance you'll be retired and able to help. My husbands parents are still working and are great, but my parents have been able to be much more involved in helping us with our DDs because they're available.

I have a friend who's mum is 20 years older than mine. She always worried her mum would pass away before she got married. My mum passed away 4 years ago my friends mum is still going strong. You never know what way life will go so just enjoy your time with your daughter.

OP, I hope you read this.
The age is not important. My parents had me when they were only early 20's and guess what - that didn't mean squid, because my childhood was full of abuse. Nowadays I am NC and LC with them.
Remember, what matters is your DD growing up feeling nurtured, loved and safe.

I know several mums aged 55-62 with 19yos (and usually a second younger child, too). It took them that long to find the right partner to start a family with and to then get pregnant - tbh it’s more important that they’ve been raised in a loving supportive home, than what age their parents are.

I’m an older mum, 55 with a 19yo DD; will be 58 when DS is 19. I’ve simply been working on being as fit and healthy as I can so that most people don’t notice and my quality of life is such that I don’t feel too old (though some days I lose that battle!)

I wouldn’t waste time worrying about it. It is what is is. I have been 35 when DS1 was 19, 46 when DS2 was 19 and I’ll be 50 when DD my youngest is 19. My mums mum was 42 when my mum was born and my mum always complained about having an older mum, she said she was bullied but I guess back then it wasn’t the norm to wait until your 40’s to have children. My mum was 21 and 23 when my brother and I were born but I’d say she was closer to her mum than my brother and I are to my mum.

Agree with this! My dad is 73 and should be winding down and enjoying retirement but instead spends a huge amount of time caring for and worrying about his elderly mother, who is 96.

Obviously he loves her but it’s been a huge amount of stress for him, especially over the past year. Until recently when he was finally able to get a place for her at a care home, he struggled to even go on holiday in case something happened.

So there are complexities / pros and cons at all ages and no “best” way to do it in my view.

So his mum had her son very young and you had yours later. That’s all this tells you.

It’s hardly unusual for women in more affluent demographics to have children in their early 40s.

It was also common for all of human history before contraception for women to have children in their early 40s.

I had my first at 21. I have friends who had their first in their 40s. I know many women professionally who are at 5+ DC by 25 or so, or 10+ by age 30 - that's a lot of ages of mum in one family. There are so many ways and lives, ages and stages, all different, in parenting... There is just no point in comparison with others, there will always be those who make you feel 'normal' and those who make you question yourself. It's all good if it's a family with love.

I think very young grandparents is weird. Suppose it depends on what you're used to and the norm amongst people you know. Who wants to be a granny at 40.

Are you healthy? That's what matters to your children it doesn't matter about your age. My parents both died when I was 20, it doesn't matter how old you are it's about if you are there!!!

Most of my friends and relatives had their kids from 35-40. You definitely aren’t unusual.

Also my DHs Mum had him at 26 and died when he was 8. There’s no telling.

i was the child in this situation too. I remember being 18 and buying my mum a 60th bday card (in the late 80s).
I have to say from my perspective it was hard having older parents, but I’m in my early 50s now and many of my mum friends/peers had their children in their early 40s or v late 30s, even their first ones. My oldest friend who is the same age as me has a 12 year old and another has a child about to go to secondary so it’s not unusual these days and doesn’t carry the same ‘stigma’ for the child.
40 years ago people in their 50s/60s dressed like older people, now I still dress in jeans, hoodies, trainers whereas my mum wore American tan tights, court shoes and a twinset from M&S!!
However, my mum always said I kept her young and I get that, having children does keep you a bit in their ‘world’ rather than sliding towards complete decrepitude.
to add - I did really get on with my mum, we had a good relationship and I feel I have a similar one with DCs now (although I found parenting quite hard in the younger years). Unf my mum died when I was in my late 20s and she never met DCs (had DD 2.5 years after she died).

How's she had twins at 57? Surrogate mother?
I'm 63 and pretty fit and well. I have my 4 year old grandchild once a week and at the end of day I am absolutely exhausted.
Does anyone think of the children in these scenarios or just their own selfish wants?

I had my daughter at 39, but I’m glad I had her later. I’m very patient and calm, which I wouldn’t have been when I was younger, have worked through my own crappy upbringing so I will break the cycle and raise her differently, have a better income so I can provide all she needs educationally and can send her to the best nursery in the area. You can’t change your age, but you can live as healthily as you can to ensure you are healthy for longer.

My partner‘s parents I don’t think will last as long as my much older parents as they are very overweight and inactive and drunk like fishes. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Think this is a bit of a derail. The fairly normal (these days) of 60yo mothers to 18-20yo, is not comparable at all to IVF/surrogacy in late 50’s. Although I do, completely, agree with your point.