To think it's not right that DD(19) has a 61 year old mum

[LornaDuh]

Don't know why it's just hit me at 10.45 on a Saturday night in June.

Just feels weird that a girl not yet out of her teens has a mum over 60!

I had my 2 when I was younger.
I'm 38 this year and mine are 21&19 year olds.
I'm pleased I did have them when I did.
I have all my freedom back and no responsibility.
My cut off point would have been 32.
I look back and know it was the right choice for me because I wouldn't want to be parenting in to my 50s 60s.
I'll always be a mum but I don't do parenting anymore.
I wanted my time back to enjoy me again.
Not the case for everyone.

But even if my mum had lived until she was 100, it would still not have been enough time for me. I don’t wish she’d had me younger - I wouldn’t have swapped the mum I had for anyone

That's beautifully put @Butchyrestingface ♡

We’re older parents. Not sure how DS will feel about it when he’s 19. His opinion is all that matters to me. He’s happy for now.

British clinics won’t treat women of that age but some overseas ones will. Patricia Rashbrook, the UK’s oldest mother who gave birth at 62 went to Italy.

Two of the world’s oldest women are nuns, while Jeanne Calment, the oldest person known to have lived, died at 122 having given birth to her only child almost 100 years earlier. So you never can tell.

I wasn’t….

You don’t do parenting anymore and have no responsibility….?
They’re 19 & 21.
ours range from 18 to 25 and we still very much parent and have responsibilities.

I am 57. I work full-time. My parents were young - y mother is 77 and my father is 81. They need looking after. I am juggling it all, and my parents were young when they had me, and now, as I am getting older and don't have so much energy, I need to have more! So it cuts both ways.

No it’s just a number. You may live until you are 100…

When I was 20 my boyfriend's mum was 41. My own mum was about 8 years older. My best friend's mum was 62. Best friend's mum was the coolest by far. I didn't view my boyfriend's mum as being young. It's only now that I'm in my mid 40s myself (with a preschooler) that I realise that she was young!

I totally agree that you do what's right for you, but your story works both ways.

I had DS at 39, we had both been to university, had good jobs, travelled lots, partied lots. By the time ds came along, we had owned our home for ages, we were happy to stay in at night and just be parents.

He's now a teenager, and our mortgage is long paid off, we can afford lovely holidays and a comfortable lifestyle with ds.

At 17 and 19, I was at school and university. I would have been the worst parent ever at that age, I was still pretty much a child myself.

When my DD is 19 I’ll be 37.

Me being a younger mum or you being an older mum is not what makes us good parents.

I often feel guilty as my child did not have the benefits of a parent who already had a decent career and stable home.
But then you feel guilty for being an older mum.
So we can’t win.

I think as mums we generally do worry about not being good parents and have mum guilt over something.
But I think worrying about these things just proves that actually you are a great mum.

There are so many kids who would give anything for hair decent parents and they wouldn’t care about their age or anything else.

She clearly meant the days of ‘heavy duty’ parenting (wiping bums, making every meal, them being around you 24/7, being woken up in the night) are over

I had mine at 27 and 30. On one hand I’m in the trenches with a 1 and nearly 5yo, on the other hand my 40th will be great because they’ll be 13 and 10 and I really feel the second chapter of my life will begin - the one where I can actually sleep, go out more, go on holiday with friends, no more potties or high chairs or cleaning the bloody floor because they’ve had something to eat

You can't change it! Lots of awful things happen in life, your daughter has a loving mum that is more than some children have.

I had my youngest at 42 - I started trying for a baby at 25.. divorce, neo natal death and miscarriages meant I had my 2 at 38 and 42.. I'm very grateful to have them. Of course I wish I was younger... I also wish I was richer and the world was more peaceful, but it is what it is.

I don't even think I'm the oldest mum at the school gate..

I will also be encouraging my DD to wait to have kids.

You are only young once and you should spend that time partying, travelling and focusing on your career - just being free and having no responsibilities.

You will never get those years back and although I can start doing those things now my DD is getting older, it’s not the same as doing it when you’re young with people of the same age.

I would advise my kids that generally speaking 28-34 is the right age for all this.

those poor kids

Well my mum was dead at 57 when I was a young teen, so just be happy she still has you.

Same when my youngest hits 19.

I’m an older mother. It’s never been an issue.

😂

Exactly! Being young is so passé!

I'm reading it @MoodyMargaret11 and so sorry you had an abusive childhood and hope life has been kinder to you as an adult.

Indeed being loved, nurtured and feeling safe are the most important things and ive been able to provide that upbringing for my DD. Thank you ♡

DS was 20 when I was 60 and DH was 69.
I get it. It's all well and good having children in your 40s and it keeps you young but it does feel older once you are in your 60s and children are in their 20s. Both of my DC have partners with mum's a good 10 years younger than me.

Yes it's old but she's an adult now if anything happens you've raised her at least.

Would you have felt the same about your cut off being 32 had you been unable to conceive naturally? Or if you’d met their father at 31?

Everyone has different circumstances, some people’s lives align brilliantly for parenthood in their teens and 20s, others don’t. What I find interesting is that when it comes to people wanting their own career and freedom first and to have children later, they are called selfish. Couldn’t you say the same about people subjecting a child to teen parenthood so that they can be “free” in their thirties?