To think it's not right that DD(19) has a 61 year old mum

[LornaDuh]

Don't know why it's just hit me at 10.45 on a Saturday night in June.

Just feels weird that a girl not yet out of her teens has a mum over 60!

My grandma gave birth at 46. So happy to have my uncle as godfather and I am a godmother to one of his kids. It was him and his wife who cared for her till old days and she had great connection with grandchildren.

Nothing wrong with that at all.

One Gran had her last at 40, the other had my Dad at 44. Both my parents say no impact there either, wasn’t unusual to have a ‘change of life baby’ as my gran called it 😅

Cruel? Have you any idea how fucking stupid you sound?
I had my children at 39 and 42. They are gorgeous, healthy, intelligent and much loved children. They have 2 parents who adore them, 4 Grandparents, 3 Great Grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.
They've travelled the world, have wonderful hobbies, beautiful home, friends, we're out every weekend with them - riding bikes, swimming, theme parks, forest exploring. Genuinely the luckiest children. This is all achievable regardless of age although in our own personal circumstances we wouldn't have been able to give them the amazing life they have now when we were younger.

You've clearly had very little life experience if you think age is what makes for a happy childhood.

You’re right- best send her back now before you get any older 😆

I suppose it’s better than the other way - I live in fear of being made a grandma before I’m 40

seriously - it’s just a number I’m sure she doesn’t mind

when my daughter was still at school she would occasionally say that the rest of her friends parents were the same age as her grandparents and we were weirdos 😁

Pretty normal in our group of friends. We all had children in our mid 30's and 40's. It will be even more in the generation following. I am 58, I was the last child of the last child in my family, back in the day, my parents were older, I had 100 year old grandparents when I was early 20's!

If it helps, people are constantly confused when I tell people I am in my 40s and my mum is in her 50s!

My mum said if she had a choice, she would have had us all later. I had DD at 37. We took different paths and choices.

This is such nonsense. Before contraception children were born from your 20's to your late 40's. It is entirely normal and biologically sound.

Why are you deliberately being obtuse? Are you trying to prove a point or something?

It's a bit odd if you can't comprehend a teenager not wanting, or feeling indifferent to, their mum meeting their friends.

It's a bit different randomly in passing but most teenagers would rather hell froze over than have mummy meeting their mates.

Also a bit odd of the parent needing or wanting to meet their 19 Yr old child's mates.

Bit odd to be worrying about it now!
My parents were in their 20s when they had me. Pil were in their 40s when they had dh.
We had both!
Tbh it's gonna be more and more common. Of course, there will still be young parents ( on of ours had a baby at 23!). My youngest is 16, and her friends parents are all nearer my age.

There are pros and cons at any age and stage tbh- you just have to hope you get to age as that is a privilege in and of itself. I am grateful for the time I’ve had as not everyone will see their parents age. There is a 10 year gap between me and my sister - the differences as I see them.

child 1 (born when parents 30)

• had the best of parents health wise including growing up at a point when dad’s work was at a peak (financially stable but not around as much) had more babysitting of grandchildren. If parents need help, my nieces and nephews are approaching adulthood and less dependent. Any inheritance will come at a point when child 1 is likely to be approaching own retirement, has already paid mortgage etc. Would most likely be used to supplement pension or support own children.

child 2 (born when parents 40)- financial situation less stable in later teenage years as dad needed to semi retire for health/stress reasons in mid 50s but was around more. Less able to babysit grandchildren without us but still loves playing etc with them. My children are young and demanding, we’ve both got full on jobs and will be hard to provide care if required. Any inheritance likely to come at a point where we (and our children) will benefit earlier in our life eg chance to pay off mortgage and drop hours or do some family holidays.

Let's not pretend being a father is in any way the same as being a mother though.

Have a friend who discovered she was pregnant when she went to her GP at 50 for help with what she thought were menopause symptoms, after many years of being advised that she would not be able to conceive naturally.
now teen child had the benefit of two SAH parents who were able to sell their business and 'retire' to bring her up.

The average age of a new mum in the UK in 2021 was 31 so both of you were about 10 years off the norm. However, in my circle of friends you would totally be the norm. I'm 58 and just about to collect DS 19 from university.

My mum is 21 years older than me. She was always ancient to me growing up. It makes little difference.

Its still not ludicrously young though is it ,just because nobody you know had a child at 22 doesn't mea it doesn't happen

It’s very common now to have kids much older. Especially fathers. Sometimes I see a man in his 50s with a toddler it is more likely to be his child rather than grandchild.

What? Really?

57? Was that in UK? I didn't think fertility clinics could treat women at that age?

I'm in agreement with you Op, I don't understand anyone having kids when they are over 40. Just no. It is not fair on the child. As we approach mid forties onwards our health can change in a heartbeat. Why would you want to deal with that and bringing a child up. It is purely selfish.

This. There's no point overthinking it. We all get to live ONCE, what's the point in wasting time worrying about your age? Plenty of people don't reach their 60s, or watch their kids grow into adults, so be thankful you do, and make the most of every moment.

When I was 19 my mum was 37. She used to turn up at the same night clubs as me dressed in mini skirts- it was awful!

TBH, I think 41 and 61 are both impossible ancient to a 19 yr old. What's important is that you have an open mind.
I'm an older mum. DD keeps me young. I have learned to be non- judgemental (outwardly, at least!) so my dch feel happy to come to me for advice. Actually, a lot of my advice to them has come from reading stuff on MN and giving me a chance to think about potential scenarios. So thanks, MN!

It’s only a choice because, in the western world, we have access to contraception. Over history and in communities without these medical interventions, or those who are Catholic/another religion where it is discouraged, it is totally normal for women to still be having babies in their forties, albeit not as common as younger ones - unless you are saying that women over forty should also not be having sex?

On balance I think the misogyny of this position is quite appalling.

I very rarely post - but tbh I’m quite annoyed that you think it’s an issue.

I am 61, my youngest DS’s are 15 and 17.
My eldest DC are in their 40’s.

I have been a much better mother to the children I had in my forties - I still work full-time, my mortgage is paid off - we have holidays and hobbies together.

You are making an issue where there isn’t one there.