DH, Anita Rani and the see thru dress

[DontShow]

Going to a ball soon, and I want to wear something lovely, also fashionable.

I was looking at more transparent dresses, as they seem to be in and I definitely have the figure for this. I am 46.

DH said it's all inappropriate. He's never really been fussy about me looking sexy before, he has always liked me to look classy, I call it Princess of Wales style.

So I said, what about Anita Rani, she is my age and looked amazing. "Let's see" he said, "I have always thought she is beautiful". So he looks at the photo for a while, says nothing about her, but says I should not wear something like that as it would be sad.

So, AIBU, or do you need a divorce like Anita to wear what you want at 46?
She has credited her divorce as the catalyst for wearing this, and I think she looks amazing frankly!

I thought this update from OP made it clear that was indeed what she was aiming for.

Some men like a woman who struts around with not a lot on and think she looks good

Happy to accept I have misunderstood her though.

You have.

I think a lot of the comments on this thread are missing the point that it’s a school ball. Not just any ball where OP can wear what she wants and the hell with it if her DH doesn’t like it. I’m all for that, a woman should be able to wear what she wants and feel good in it. I’d never let DH’s opinion stop me wearing something. But I would give some consideration to my DS and DD’s feelings if I was going to prance up to their school effectively naked. You can guarantee there will be photos of the ball, so it won’t just be a rumour. All OP’s DC’s friends are likely to see pictures and perhaps have access to them to share on social media. The DCs would have every reason to be angry if it led to them being bullied/teased for what OP had chosen to wear.

Yes there would. Especially if DH was the OP and kept saying his DW was not happy, and asking if the only way to be able to wear what he wanted was to get divorced!

He'd probably be told: yes, divorce her. She deserves better.

Agreed.
Also different clothes have different messages. Casual flip flops and t shirts, while arguably equally inappropriate, don’t convey the same message or intent or need or whatever as a spangly underwear net curtains dress and it’s disingenuous to think the two are the same. I’m interested to know why anyone would feel empowered in an Anita Rani type dress unless you’re feeling empowered by your body conforming to a rather patriarchal stereotype of attractiveness and you want the other parents in a formal social situation to look at it. There’s a time and a place, surely, if that’s your thing?

Oh bollocks there would. Society, consequences, thinking of others, all the OTT self-serving moralism. That's not what you get for wearing flip flops to a posh do, that's what you get for wearing a revealing dress.

I know nobody is going to admit it but that doesn't make it any less bollocks.

Isn't that the whole point though? T shirts and flip flops on a man don't give off the 'same need', of course not.
So what does? What is the male equivalent of the 'inappropriately revealing dress'? A see through suit? No. That would be read as a joke. A tight t shirt to show off his six pack? No. That would be read as showing off his gym work because he's proud of what he's achieved with his body.
There is no way to reverse this, for the simple reason, there is no male clothing choice that is ever read as a need for sexual attention from women. No choice that would lead to pages of debate as to whether he looked 'desperate'. That's an assumption we make only about women's choices, because women can't be proud of their bodies and want to show them off for their asthetic quality. It always has to be about showing them off to men and their 'need' for sexual attention.

Wow @NonPlayerCharacter ! You’ve really got a “thing” against “ self-serving morality” and the concept of “thinking of others” haven’t you.

Don’t know that I’ve ever seen a poster get so tightly wound … What’s the big issue?

I'm equating Speedos and the revealing dress. The flip-flops were just mentioned because socks and formal shoes would look ridiculous with the Speedos ☺️

She looks like a sad used condom, not 'amazing'. And what's with this site, touting every older woman with a slim-ish figure as gorgeous? That's the only thing she has going for her. Otherwise it's droopy tits, saggy flabby belly, no waist, a small sad rectangle, an opposite of alluring/sexy/curvy. A younger JLo in a dress like that would still look trashy, but sexy-trashy. This woman looks desperate, she absolutely doesn't have a figure for it.

Speedos at a formal ball.

Maybe Rani is having fun with that dress and most probably doesn’t care what you think, she’s just happy with that funny ribbed condom dress sorrounded by paps popping the flashes at her (most possibly that was the whole point), she probably went home after, put some comfy pijama, made herself a cuppa and had a ball looking at the Daily Fail headlines next day.

Or a cod piece 🐟

This is quite hard-hitting in its wording ( gave me a couple of winces here and there!); but nonetheless there are some sober truths in this which I think can also be expressed in the old “age gracefully” advice.

Yes some women of a certain age have aged better than others, but that still doesn’t make them as strong a candidate for certain outfits as a perky-titted, smooth-skinned 16 year old, and trying to tell yourself in midlife that you’ve still got it in the same way is delusional. That’s just life.

We get other benefits they don’t have. We have gravitas. We have wisdom . We have an air. We can still look fantastic but it’s a different variety of fantastic. A butterfly trying to look like a really juicy caterpillar isn’t going to be the best butterfly look ( or perhaps a pickle and a cucumber might be a better analogy … )

Yes. Or a spangly posing pouch under fishnets? There’s the reverse - and there’s a reason men don’t usually turn up to formal school balls in them probably. Just guessing they wouldn’t feel all that empowered? 😁

What fun you have chez DontShow

You want your children’s teachers and friends’ dads to “look at you strutting around without many clothes on and think you look good”.

As I say, happy to be corrected, but that sounds awfully similar to wanting them to look at you and think they want to fuck you. What did you mean, if not that?

I say, steady on! She looks good

Found DHs outfit

https://media.boohooman.com/i/boohooman/bmm74440_white_xl?$product_image_main_mobile_3x$&fmt=webp

And from the back...

media.boohooman.com/i/boohooman/bmm74440_white_xl_1?$product_image_main_mobile_3x$&fmt=webp

You've misquoted my statement of fact and replaced some significant words so it appears I was directly talking about my opinions or intentions.

I'm disappointed the shorts are as big as they are. It looks kind of like a nappy. The look might be better if they were a bit skimpier!

I'm with you on that one. A little bit left to the imagination can be enticing but that leaves too much to the imagination 😂

😐

Yep I think we can conclude see through clothes over big underwear looks bad on both men and women