DH, Anita Rani and the see thru dress

[DontShow]

Going to a ball soon, and I want to wear something lovely, also fashionable.

I was looking at more transparent dresses, as they seem to be in and I definitely have the figure for this. I am 46.

DH said it's all inappropriate. He's never really been fussy about me looking sexy before, he has always liked me to look classy, I call it Princess of Wales style.

So I said, what about Anita Rani, she is my age and looked amazing. "Let's see" he said, "I have always thought she is beautiful". So he looks at the photo for a while, says nothing about her, but says I should not wear something like that as it would be sad.

So, AIBU, or do you need a divorce like Anita to wear what you want at 46?
She has credited her divorce as the catalyst for wearing this, and I think she looks amazing frankly!

It looks like a nightdress made out of a shower curtain. It would look silly on anyone regardless of age or shape. The woman in the photo doesn't look too confident about it either!

You will neither look nor be sexy in a dress similar to that.

There are plenty of other sexy options out there if that's the desired effect you're looking for.

If you honestly don't give a shit what other women think, why ask? You seem to think everyone posting is jealous of you. Nobody here knows what you look like. Nobody here knows whether you are the sexiest momma in the UK. But people are offering you the benefit of their opinion, which you requested, to try steer you away from a massive faux pas.

Most women who replied have told you how to enhance yourself to look sexy. Is that not empowering? Why do you have to go against all the advice offered, that you asked for, in order to feel empowered.

For the record Anita Rani doesn't look sexy in that photo either. She looks awkward. Maybe it looked sexy in person. It does not look sexy in that photo.

It’s like trying to give advice to Katie Price. No Katie, two ridiculous plastic boulders won’t make you look sexy.

The shower curtain look isn’t sexy either.

Sadly, it seems both women are deluded as to what sexy really means. Perhaps it’s sexy-dysmorphia? The the belief that the more over-the-top styling/procedures you choose the sexier you are? 😆

I'm intrigued by that look getting so much attention and now, having thought about it, I think it probably looked great in real life. The photograph wouldn't capture the beauty of the movement in it.

What does everyone think of her black cutout dress? I like it a lot. I also like what she's sharing about looking to future. I must admit - I'm not based in the UK - I didn't know who she was previously.

OP I'm sure you're long gone and don't care what I - some same age (but also body confident) randomer on the web - thinks but I reckon we need more women of our age making statements. I still don't think a school ball is quite the right place but I don't move in those circles so I'm not qualified to comment on that. I hope if you wore something bold like that to a different environment your husband would be thrilled and not calling you sad.

I tend to agree it probably looked better in person. My guess is that without the camera lights shining on it, it was less see-through and the ‘bobbles’ (which I think someone said were sequins?) made it less transparent as well.

OP is still reading, goaded back occasionally into responding by the number of ppl unable to read carefully, or understand the updates.

To be fair @DontShow you have not read most of the posts here in good faith yourself if you think many of the women who have replied are judging you for looking or being sexy.

Many of the replies have been giving advice on how best to look sexy at this event. I think there has been a lot of support on this thread. Just maybe not exactly what you wanted to hear.

What if the OP is Anita Rani herself (or her publicist) trying to capitalise on the 2 mins of red carpet dress malfunction fame? I had never heard of said woman before this thread.

(Takes another sip of the koolaid)

Anita, if this is you then you need to sack your publicist because that photo doesn't flatter you 😉

Ok, so if I am reading correctly:

1. you like the sheer, see through style of dress- not necessarily the one in the picture
2. you have a lovely figure that could carry a see through dress
3. you would like to wear a see through, sheer dress to a school ball
4. you are cross with you DH because although he said he thinks Anita always looks lovely, he doesn’t think it is appropriate for you to wear this style to the school ball.

I don’t think your DH is being mean or controlling. This unconventional dress will attract attention and be gossiped about. Are you still ok with this if the attention turns out to be negative (which I think it will, based on this thread)? If your children hear this gossip, are you prepared for you and them to face the backlash?

You can still be beautiful, sexy and confident without wearing something obviously made to seek attention.

@TimetoPour You can still be beautiful, sexy and confident without wearing something obviously made to seek attention.

So what’s wrong with wanting attention? Why is “modesty” a good thing for women ? If women had stayed home during history and never “seeked attention” we would still be needing our husbands permission to drive a car.

she wants to grab attention, so what? Let her get her attention!

Here you go OP - all the nudity except none of your nudity.

I could have some fun wearing that 😂where did you find it?

Yes, it does seem that women are 'confused' as to what sexy clothes are. But also, AR has recently got divorced and maybe there's an element of 'I've still got it, dont I ? ' in it.. She has talked about the importance of not failing for Indian womanhood, the shame of failing..

here's my 2 cents of sexy clothes information; in my thirties I brought a dress from Laura Ashley that was base on a little girl dress; tartan bodice and full skirt with white collar and white cuffs. It was what the French call 'le style anglais'. I was 30 and had had enough of being treated as an easy lay by men, it was my 'I won't shag just anybody' dress. It suited me very well, and was a beautiful dress. I called it my 'no' dress. Other women told me that no man would talk to me wearing that dress, and and my male counsellor told me that women had clearly no idea what made a dress sexy. he said that it proposed a challenge, they'd want to get it off. Men didn't stop talking to me about it and what it represented. One man said to me, you obviously don't want to be treated like a sex object (damn right!). It got men talking to me practically more than they ever had before. Another story, I was a holday sea side town. I had a black bikini, nothing extraordinary, very modest. I flung on a a light, yellow dress to go into town to buy something, and the cars started screeching and beeping as they tried to avoid crashing into the lights or shops as the drivers clocked me. The 'hide and seek' aspect of that dress drove men mad.

Surely "sexy" is something of an amorphous concept? I don't think anyone can dictate what is or isn't sexy.

Do you think the original photograph is sexy?

That's the wrong question. If someone did think it was sexy, does anyone have the authority to tell them they are wrong?

Well people can always disagree and hold different opinions. My opinion is that photo is not flattering. The underwear looks frumpy, she looks awkward and not very comfortable. I did however say that it's only a split second snapshot and perhaps in person it looked much better.

Personally, I don't think it's sexy. And that dress certainly isn't the sexy you're looking for at a glamorous exclusive private school ball.

OP obviously disagrees, as is her prerogative. But the majority of people sampled here think it's not sexy. The same percentage of people at her event are likely to think it's not sexy. Her DH doesn't think it's sexy. But if she does, then why not?

But don't ask the opinion of others if you're so confident in your own belief. You don't need the approval of others if you are confident in your own self.

Touché!

Well people can always disagree and hold different opinions.

That's literally the point I was making.

You don't find the dress sexy, fine. But just as nobody can tell you you are factually wrong and it objectively is, nor can they say to another person who thinks it is sexy that they're wrong and it objectively isn't. Sexiness is one of the most subjective things in the world. Which is why it's a bit strange to see talk of women being confused about what sexy is, because there isn't a single definition nor an authority on it. If someone thinks it's sexy, then to them it is. No confusion.

I don’t think I have ever dressed to be sexy in my life. The idea makes me laugh my head off. It is a very weird idea to me.

Can someone please explain to me why this is something worth doing?

FFS, I am sure the OP has more about her than a good body for a 40+ year old. I bet she is a formidable woman who doesn’t need to get her norks out for attention.

I am pro strong women. I think the OP should be proud to be fit, strong and healthy. However wearing an outfit to create “any” attention, good or bad, is not a good look. I think the OP is better than that.

Human beings who wish to have sex need to attract a person who wants to have sex with them. Only a small minority of people are sexually attracted to others purely based on cerebral reasons. The majority of us are sexually attracted to the physical appearance of the person. There are certain elements of physical appearance that have wide spread appeal to people of a particular sexuality. If a woman wishes to attract the sexual attention of a heterosexual man for example, there are ways of dressing that will increase her chances of doing so, because lots of her target demographic find that look sexually attractive. When we say dress to be sexy (to heterosexual men) this is what we mean by it.

I’m sure the OP is an accomplished strong confident woman and I’m sure there’s much more to her than a fit sexy body, this said… if she’s having an “attention seeking moment” and wants to flaunt her curves she’s in her perfect right to do it so let her have some fun. She may not be able to do or may not have the confidence in 10 years time so let her enjoy her life.

(Gosh, MN sounds like a bunch of nuns sometimes)

Because sometimes (not ALL the time) I just enjoy going out, putting some lipstick, making myself pretty, being flirty, looking girly, having a good time, feeling desirable, celebrating the fact I’m healthy, good looking and can pull the sexy look. It’s a way of celebrating life and the fact we’re a short time in this planet and looks will fade so let’s take advantage while we can. It doesn’t necessarily mean I want to pull a couple of guys, f-ck that.