DH, Anita Rani and the see thru dress

[DontShow]

Going to a ball soon, and I want to wear something lovely, also fashionable.

I was looking at more transparent dresses, as they seem to be in and I definitely have the figure for this. I am 46.

DH said it's all inappropriate. He's never really been fussy about me looking sexy before, he has always liked me to look classy, I call it Princess of Wales style.

So I said, what about Anita Rani, she is my age and looked amazing. "Let's see" he said, "I have always thought she is beautiful". So he looks at the photo for a while, says nothing about her, but says I should not wear something like that as it would be sad.

So, AIBU, or do you need a divorce like Anita to wear what you want at 46?
She has credited her divorce as the catalyst for wearing this, and I think she looks amazing frankly!

What’s wrong with nuns?

Thing is though it’s at her children’s school. She is, to a certain extent, representing them. If you went to a normal
party and got drunk and threw up it wouldn’t be a big deal, but would you do that at school party? If not why not? Because it would not be a great advert for your kids at the school. I would put dressing in a see through dress at a school do because you want to be ‘empowered’ and ‘hot’ in the same category.

Putting everything on display doesn’t equal hot or sexy.

Yep, but if she posts looking for opinions, she's going to get them!

Of course she's perfectly entitled to wear whatever she wants. But she also has to accept that there may be consequences for her bold decision. Her DH might not accompany her. Other parents might snigger. Teachers might lose a bit of respect for her etc.

Humans judge. All the time. We make split second decisions based on first impressions. Is it right? Is it fair? Maybe. Maybe not. But it's human nature.

I think her husband offering an opinion after she asked for it, is perfectly acceptable. I'm sure she'd have an opinion if he said he wanted to wear Speedos and flip-flops!

Yep, but if she posts looking for opinions, she's going to get them!

Yes, of course. What's all this talk about opinions? Nobody has denied anyone's right to express their opinion.

But she also has to accept that there may be consequences for her bold decision.

Women are to blame for the consequences of what they wear? Careful with that one...

They look sad, boring, I’m not into organised religion and there’s a strong element of misogyny. 20 centuries of catholic religion and we’ve never had a female pope.

Anyway I doubt Anita Rani would have worn that dress to her children’s school. At least she was occasion appropriate (even though I didn’t think the photo did her any favours).

As much as I’m for the OP to flaunt her curves and enjoy her life I do agree with you that a school cocktail party is not the red carpet. I highly doubt the British Indian actress would have shown up at her kids school party with that dress.

I was thinking that. I don't think she'd have worn it to a school event either but for the red carpet it really is exactly what you expect, even if not everyone likes it. In fact I've seen lots of red carpet dresses that were way more revealing than that...pretty sure we all have.

Pinterest. That type of pattern was popular in 2021 and 2022.

Selfridges stocked something similar and I was going to wear it to Prize Giving but it sold out of my size so I wore a long T shirt dress instead.

I’m not sure MN sounds at all like a bunch of nuns. Sometimes I wonder if a bunch of nuns might be more pleasant.

There would definitely be less coarse language …

Women are to blame for the consequences of what they wear? Careful with that one...

You know perfectly well the context of that statement. Consequences being - her DH might not want to attend with her. Other parents/teachers might not take her seriously. Her children might be teased. I'm sure there will be photos of this glamorous ball. She may be turned away at the front door for not adhering to the dress code of the evening.

Or everyone might slap her on the back and tell her how sexy and empowering she is 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yeahhh agree it's not that you shouldn't look sexy- for me, anyway. It's just that dress isn't sexy or beautiful, it's just weird, that's where the idea that it's attention seeking comes from. Sexy is seeing something but not everything - but in this instance, you see every tiny bit of her legs - takes away all mystery and allure. And the cut of the undergarment isn't sexy or attractive at all. I'm not actually sure men would be looking and wanting to fuck the person. I'm bi and not in the least bit turned on or intrigued by that. The fact that it's not flattering or sexy, is actually, for me, what makes it attention seeking. I have no problem with someone looking sexy, but just looking unconventional so everybody needs to stare at you to check they saw it right, feels a bit embarrassing for the wearer.

I infinitely prefer the red dress you posted. Now that would be rocking it at a school ball!
I also far prefer sheer dresses that are more interesting- with some opaque parts/swirls, with a less square cut etc.... those rock.

@financialcareerstuff I'm not actually sure men would be looking and wanting to fuck the person.

Maybe it's not the OP's intention to have men wanting to fuck her?

You know perfectly well the context of that statement.

Yes, a woman in a revealing dress. That's what all this is about, and we have actually had people talk about holding society together and being considerate of others and a whole load of other nonsense to valorise and puff up what is merely an objection to a woman's dress. As there has been since the dawn of time. And ominous talk of consequences if she wears that.

It might be a hideous dress, but it's nothing more than that. If it's not in line with the dress code then she'll be denied entry. Same as if she wore jeans, and yet I don't think there'd be talk of society and consequences if she was wearing denim.

There would equally be similar consequences if her husband decided to rock up in a pair of Speedos and flip-flops. She might decide not to attend with him. Other guests might snigger. He might be denied entry to the event. His children might be mortified if photos of him were circulated.

Let's not try turn this into something it's not. The dress is inappropriate for a formal school ball.

If I were the Husband I would show up in a sheer tuxedo, that would be fair game and If she doesn't like it I'll divorce her.

You missed a trick there, you should have worn it wet.

There would equally be similar consequences if her husband decided to rock up in a pair of Speedos and flip-flops.

There absolutely would not be 33 pages of moralistic talk of holding society together and consequences if she wears that and consideration of others though - that's my point. People are pretending that their reaction to a woman's revealing dress is no different to their reaction to someone dressed inappropriately casually, and it isn't.

@NonPlayerCharacter I don't know that you're right about that.

There was a thread on the less busy S&B forum one day titled something like "I refuse to wear heels" but then the post itself was actually about the woman's intention to attend her friends' wedding in a dress and biker boots. She got a response which was not a million miles from the one on this thread with posters asking her why she needed to make a statement, that it was inappropriate, that the day wasnt about her etc.

No man has ever walked the red carpet in flip flops and Speedo’s, it’s not sexy nor does it make a fashion statement.

Daniel Craig getting out of the sea in his speedos in Casino Royale was very sexy! Also Colin Firth in the wet shirt in Pride & Prejudice. It's not that men's bodies aren't sexy, but we're never going to see them in equal numbers on the red carpet in a wet look see through shirt or a speedo the way we see women nearly naked at those events because it isn't empowering and it's not what someone powerful does. It's not that they aren't sexy, it's that the world doesn't expect or demand it of them in the same way.

Agree- this was a reaction to some posters' assertion that this must be what men think looking at her.

And if this thread were a man declaring he wanted to wear it to a school function despite his wife saying she had huge reservations, I’m sure equal numbers of people would say “ think about how this speedo ensemble is going to make your wife and dcs feel.” Actually I think there might be more saying that, because some people just get mindlessly antsy at anything they can twist into misogyny 🙄

Absolutely.