DH, Anita Rani and the see thru dress

[DontShow]

Going to a ball soon, and I want to wear something lovely, also fashionable.

I was looking at more transparent dresses, as they seem to be in and I definitely have the figure for this. I am 46.

DH said it's all inappropriate. He's never really been fussy about me looking sexy before, he has always liked me to look classy, I call it Princess of Wales style.

So I said, what about Anita Rani, she is my age and looked amazing. "Let's see" he said, "I have always thought she is beautiful". So he looks at the photo for a while, says nothing about her, but says I should not wear something like that as it would be sad.

So, AIBU, or do you need a divorce like Anita to wear what you want at 46?
She has credited her divorce as the catalyst for wearing this, and I think she looks amazing frankly!

I've just read through this thread in amusement- OP asked if anyone thought she was unreasonable for wanting to wear a truly horrible kind of dress, almost everyone agreed she was unreasonable and OP turned it into a convo about the rights of man😂

Or to be more exact it looks like she isn’t wearing anything much … 🤣

I vote for the OP to go to the ball with this dress and get all the tongues wagging and the husband rolling his eyes back. I think the OP should do whatever makes her happy, that’s empowering.

Yes but only your view of how that external context is to be considered matters, not someone else’s. I appreciate that social convention has been created by other people’s view but you can decide how you wish to interpret it, or not.

Had to google who that is. I don’t think you were being pattering. Oh well, feel free to give more weight and power to other people’s thoughts and views

Had to google who that is. I don’t think you were being flattering. Oh well, feel free to give more weight and power to other people’s thoughts and views

Oh dear, must have really meant it as I posted it twice 🤣

What matters to me is how my child’s life is affected by my decisions.

If I decide tomorrow to walk to school dressed as a chicken, I will be ridiculed. If I go to my child’s ball dressed in an outfit designed to create attention, I will be ridiculed. I know I will be ridiculed and in all honesty, I wouldn’t care. I wouldn’t care because I am entirely secure in my own skin. However, I wouldn’t dream of doing either because of the backlash my children would feel. Life isn’t just about you. If you want a happy, content life, you have to consider the people in it and how your actions affect them too.

I’m so pleased to hear this grounded view in a world of “ why should I be accountable to anyone else?” Having concern for other’s views and feelings gets ridiculed these days but it is one of the strengthening ties that holds society together. I think it’s only when “Me philosophy“ had been allowed to wreak havoc that the trend will backtrack.

Having concern for other’s views and feelings gets ridiculed these days but it is one of the strengthening ties that holds society together.

Well as a concept this is pretty indisputable, but it's still sort of funny to see it jumped on to valorise people's discomfort and judgement about a revealing dress. Altruistic concern for others isn't what's actually bothering anyone and the dress, as silly as it is, isn't going to collapse society.

I think the poster’s point was that the impact on DH and DCs is a valid reason to not wear exactly what she chooses.

So why ask for opinions?

Wear it if you like.

Just don't be surprised if you get raised eyebrows and comments behind the hand as to the inappropriate if the dress for the event.

I understood the point, and my response stands.

I was the original poster with the “grounded view”. It is not about people’s discomfort with bare flesh. In all honesty, I don’t think the dress is bad because it is revealing, it just looks awful. Yes, it is see through but it is also a terrible cut, awful colour and looks like she is trying too hard. She is a beautiful woman and it is unnecessary.

This thread is not about showing skin but wearing an outfit to stand out. When you are a celebrity you can afford “any” attention but when you are a mum of children at school negative attention will create a problem.

I understood the point and said something similar earlier (an A lister on the red carpet is dressing in a completely different context to any ordinary person attending pretty much any other event).

But I'm still smiling at all the people trying to valorise their completely base and standard judgement of a middle aged woman in a revealing dress as being, in fact, a principled stand for altruism and the need to Hold Society Together by Thinking Of Others. C'mon, we all know it's bollocks.

Is there any particular reason why you feel strongly that you need to feel ‘empowered’ going to a school ball?

Well you’ll have to smile on, because lots of us do think it’s not fair on the DH and dc to be so embarrassing at a school event, and that any “empowerment” or otherwise she might derive from it comes at the expense of due consideration for others.

And no, one isolated incident of self-interested behaviour is obviously not going to collapse society alone. To suggest that that is needed to validate the broader concept is pure eristicism. The fact is that when vast quantities of members of society behave without regard to others, the fabric of society is weakened. Yet many espouse these views as though it is some kind of enlightened philosophy that champions a breaking free from some kind of box society folds them into.

I know, it's all very noble and selfless.

Yet again I was asking a question, clearly marked ss such. Not stating personal opinion or intention to act.

But everyone is still reading, oh the op is DETERMINED to wear that dress and embarass herself, her family and her entire sex!

People have been asking other people's opinions on "how I look" forever! Some clothes flatter the wearer. Some don't. We ask opinions. OP asked our opinion and the overwhelming opinion is she could find something much much nicer.

If you wanted to wear it, and don't care about all the jealous women who are only envious of you and your body, why ask?

I don't know you. I don't know how fabulous your body is. I'm also 46, and in pretty good shape. I just think that dress, and most like it or not very flattering. I think you could find something far nicer and more classy that shows off your beautiful body and will turn heads if that's what you want to do.

Well not really: we don’t need to do anything.

This!

Brilliant!

But you won't be judged for looking good or sexy (even if you do manage to look good in that type of dress which, IMO, no-one does). You'll be judged for dressing inappropriately for the norms of the event and poor judgement. Even if you look smoking, my thought won't be how good you look, it'll be wondering what is wrong with you that you thought that was suitable attire for that kind of event, because everyone knows there are norms around this sort of thing. If you wear something that fits with the norms of the occasion and look great, THEN I might think, "She looks great."

Your OP very much reads as though you were considering wearing a dress like this one.

Personally I don't like the dress and think it's unflattering, even on AR IMO and although OK at a red carpet event but probably inappropriate for a school ball