DH, Anita Rani and the see thru dress

[DontShow]

Going to a ball soon, and I want to wear something lovely, also fashionable.

I was looking at more transparent dresses, as they seem to be in and I definitely have the figure for this. I am 46.

DH said it's all inappropriate. He's never really been fussy about me looking sexy before, he has always liked me to look classy, I call it Princess of Wales style.

So I said, what about Anita Rani, she is my age and looked amazing. "Let's see" he said, "I have always thought she is beautiful". So he looks at the photo for a while, says nothing about her, but says I should not wear something like that as it would be sad.

So, AIBU, or do you need a divorce like Anita to wear what you want at 46?
She has credited her divorce as the catalyst for wearing this, and I think she looks amazing frankly!

Wouldn't it be better to wear something genuinely classy and have people think, "Wow, she looks great!" rather than, "What the heck was she thinking?" I'd be wondering what on earth was wrong with you that you thought that was a sensible choice for a ball. There are very few and specific places that you can get away with those transparent dresses. People won't notice how good you look, they'll just notice how weirdly you are dressed.

It's certainly not a classy look and Brits seem to be hung up on class so you'd stand out for all the wrong reasons, regardless of how confidently you wore it. The particular dress posted is also poorly shaped - being transparent hides how bad it is.

You can be smoking hot in a beautifully made, well cut dress.

I like AR alot, but that dress is awful on her. I assume you aren't serious a out wearing a see through dress to your child's school event though.

How the hell are women supposed to ever achieve equality and equity in life when we treat each other like this? All anyone really needed to say was “I’m really, really happy for you that you have a body you feel comfortable in. If a dress like this makes you feel comfortable and empowered, you go, girl!”

We know it doesn’t matter what we wear. It’s going to be too sexy/frumpy/long/short/pink/sparkly/orange/see through/lumpy/conservative/tacky/showy/flowery/plain to someone else. One of the best things about humans is diversity. Accepting that others love what makes them feel great and being happy for them has nothing to do with your own tastes and ideas. Just love that for them and get on with your life.

She looks fine, but the wearing a see-through dress over is a crap trend. She looks like she should be at a beach bar not a formal event.

Average looking males would be savaged if they did the same thing.

That’s all well and good but there is also such a thing as dressing appropriately for particular occasions. You wouldn’t go to a church service in a bikini no matter how comfortable and empowered you felt in it. Likewise a transparent dress is not appropriate for a school ball.

The dress you have posted is neither attractive nor sexy. I'm sure Anita Rani could have found dozens of dresses which would have looked better but it probably served its purpose in getting her picture posted at a red carpet event. I think your DH is correct, in real life that dress will look sad. I'm sure you'll find better.

Quite right.

I don't know when empowerment came to mean do whatever the fuck you want regardless whether it is appropriate to the situation but I wish it would stop.

The patriarchy must be laughing its nads off that it's actually got women believing wearing next to nothing is empowerment.

I feel sorry for all the powerless men wearing all those clothes.

They could use a bit of empowerment too it seems. Cast of the shackles of clothing. Disrobe and let your balls swing in the name of freedom.

Real empowerment is NOT feeling you have to look sexy and fuckable and hot the whole time.

It’s an awful dress

I hate this ‘nude’ look - look cheap

If the criteria for selecting dresses is to avoid 'what an average looking male would be savaged for wearing' I fear the pickings would be slim. I don't think I own a single garment that balding 46 year old Martin from sales could carry off at a ball without attracting at least some constructive criticism.

At least the voice of reason.

Empowerment gets so misused. Also “ having boundaries,” which is basically used to mean “encroach on everyone’s as you wish just not your own,”

46 is just too old for that anyway. I’m tired of having to pretend otherwise like the story of the Emperor’s new clothes.

We need to find a way of embracing our age that makes us feel genuinely great about it, not turning a blind eye to things that make us look cheap all in the name of feeling “ we’ve still got it” and because everyone thinks it zeitgeisty to say “ you go girl.” 46 is a great age- but we don’t need to parody ourselves by wearing that sort of attention-seeking garb.

Frankly, she could look elegant and in good shape but she looks silly.

We've established that dress is not good. And you've confirmed you wouldn't be wearing that particular dress. Have you an idea of something that you're looking at? Because if it's not quite as awful as that one then it might be ok.

I'm not sure about transparent dresses for very formal occasions, but maybe you've found a nice one.

I think they can look lovely when the transparency is over parts many appropriate dresses would be displaying anyway. So when the shoulders, back or sleeves are transparent, or the lower part of the skirt. If that helps.

Standing in your knickers with a completely see-through dress looks like a wardrobe malfunction. Believe me I know. As a twenty-something I went to a nightclub with a top that went completely see-through in the lighting. Yeah it got a lot of attention, but it was a definite malfunction .

Pictures from the previous year's Ball will give a clue as to the dress code, look for those to give an idea of the standard expected. Your alternative of one shouldered, tight and sexy is still screaming Z list Towie rather than private school ball.

I was thinking cossie and bubble wrap.

Good one😆

Your alternative of one shouldered, tight and sexy is still screaming Z list Towie rather than private school ball.

I don't know why, and I suspect it's not entirely serious, but I think this is one of the most sublime lines I've seen on here. "Z list Towie rather than private school ball..."

Your dh is right but weird how you are considering divorce so you can look inaporopriate.

Catherine wears one shoulder, tight gowns, they look fabulous and very sexy. As did Diana. Bare shoulders are fine. As is the slit. One famous designer said but only show one leg.

… and not your knickers.

I definitely think it looks like a condom.

2 lines from two different posters stood out for me
@IncompleteSenten wrote ".........The patriarchy must be laughing its nads off that it's actually got women believing that wearing next to nothing is empowerment ........"

And @KimberleyClark wrote "Real empowerment is NOT feeling you have to look sexy and fuckable and hot the whole time."

If you had a lovely matching silk slip under the dress to just above the knee - that would be classy. Wearing a nude bodysuit under it doesn’t look at all classy, though. It’s all a bit Bianca Censori, and not suitable for a ball…