DH, Anita Rani and the see thru dress

[DontShow]

Going to a ball soon, and I want to wear something lovely, also fashionable.

I was looking at more transparent dresses, as they seem to be in and I definitely have the figure for this. I am 46.

DH said it's all inappropriate. He's never really been fussy about me looking sexy before, he has always liked me to look classy, I call it Princess of Wales style.

So I said, what about Anita Rani, she is my age and looked amazing. "Let's see" he said, "I have always thought she is beautiful". So he looks at the photo for a while, says nothing about her, but says I should not wear something like that as it would be sad.

So, AIBU, or do you need a divorce like Anita to wear what you want at 46?
She has credited her divorce as the catalyst for wearing this, and I think she looks amazing frankly!

Regardless of whether it is appropriate or not (not IMO), I just think it isn't a nice dress, and is rather attention seeking.

https://www.net-a-porter.com/en-gb/shop/product/jenny-packham/clothing/gowns/nettie-cape-effect-embellished-tulle-gown/1647597320325771

It was the reference to the "dickhead new money coke snorting set" and their wives wearing a "monstrosity" like this dress.

There's a heavy implication that social mobility brings with it a behaviour that doesn't belong in these settings. And there's a secret social code that people attending a private school fundraiser must abide by, which can't always be understood if you haven't had that background.

Are you one of those people that like to show off their figures at nudist beaches? It's never the young pretty ones, always the middle-aged/old wrinkly ones 🥶

That is a gorgeous dress! Not sheer enough I suspect for the OP, though.

Surely a joke.
Not only the dress but expecting us to agree that it’s somehow worth a divorce to wear a crappy style.

Also Karen Millen - not transparent but, ime, it's the epitome of a dress that only looks great on a woman with a perfectly toned body (so everyone knows you're hot without seeing you naked).

I'm now going to stop pretend shopping for clothes I will never wear!

That is horrible, you cal almost see her labia!

She looks like a mannequin in a plastic bag.

Is this ball is being held at the school your DC attend? (Assuming you have DC) If so, do you really want your DC to be the butt of all the jokes after their parents have gone home and mocked your dress?

This dress doesn’t work on her because it’s too close to her skin tone. It would look so much better on her in black.

As has been stated by PPs, this is a red carpet dress. For an IRL ball, a modified version of this could work, if it were low backed/backless with a form fitting cami dress or lining underneath.That way you get sheer and sexy, but not exhibitionist.

It’s extremely daring for any occasion (it’s the knicker bit) but for a SCHOOL ball? Just plain inappropriate OP sorry. You did ask. I’m surprised you had to tbh.

Anita is a stunning looking woman, but she suits colour and I'm not sure why she chose that dress, apart from, as posters have pointed out, the press coverage (she has a book out).

I would be frankly embarrassed to attend a ball with someone dressed like that. It's not the red carpet/publicity event so I'm with your DH that it wouldn't be appropriate and I'm that you don't know that.

The Jenny Packham dress is gorgeous. I wouldn’t go see through unless something like that dress. The most skin I would have showing is something like this. https://www.selfridges.com/GB/en/product/costarellos-colette-halterneck-metallic-woven-gown_R04335659/#colour=DARK%20BLUE

I think that’s exactly the attitude a lot of ‘old money’ types at these schools have. And since the OP apparently doesn’t understand the (not all that secret) code, people have been trying to help her not show herself up (to use my grandmother’s phrase).

She doesn’t want to take the advice - apparently she doesn’t care what people think of her so long as the men think she’s sexy. Her choice. I just hope it doesn’t rebound on her children.

It screams 'look at meeeeeee' and people will, but not for any of the right reasons.

I'm a man. And yes, I'd probably be secretly admiring your figure if you turned up to some school event dressed like that. But whether I was with my DP, or my friends, I'd also be commenting to them "What the fucks she dressed like that for?" because you'd be dressed like a plonker. It would make you look like you're desperate for attention, and trying to cause a scene.

So yes, if you want men perving at you, then that dress will have the desired effect. But those same men will also be making a mental note that you're utterly insane.

"Her choice. I just hope it doesn’t rebound on her children."

Sadly it probably will. But I hope not.

@IncompleteSenten

what the “rebound” be? That others see her as a woman and not just as a mum? Shock, horror!

You know kids can be a lot cruder and crueller than that.

It’s nothing to do with whether your body is good enough or if you have the confidence. It’s about dressing appropriately for a formal occasion. I used to do bikini model competitions (used to weight lift a lot), am still in shape and I still would not wear a dress like that to a ball. A school ball is not a comparable event to a red carpet or catwalk where dresses are always larger than life. It’s up to you, of course. You can wear what you like. But this isn’t a case of a controlling husband telling you can’t go out in a short skirt in case men look. It’s him saying for god’s sake don’t wear a totally unsuitablectransparent dress and embarrass him!

Am assuming as a man, you’d as readily (perhaps more readily) be admiring the figures of other women who were wearing appropriate - equally sexy/glam - dresses, though? Ie OP doesn’t need to work so hard to attract the male gaze as she thinks she should?

@Bobbotgegrinch

” I would think ‘What the fucks she dressed like that for?"

has it not occurred to you that maybe she is dressing like that for herself? And she doesn’t give a fuck what you and any other man thinks?

She has indicated, however, that she is not wearing it for herself but to get the admiring glances of ‘the menz’.

But you don’t have to wear transparent clothing to not look mumsy, surely.