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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

First date - is this not a bit weird of him??

479 replies

Lilifer · 14/06/2024 21:33

I joined an old fashioned dating agency a month ago and was sent a match last week. The way it works is that if you like the look of the profile of the guy you let the agency know, and they then contact the man to let him know to contact you, and they give him your number,

So far so good, man, let's call him John rang me on Tuesday to see if I would like to meet up. I suggested we meet up in a city that's half way between us both, (we both live rurally) initially I suggested coffee but he said he would like to go for lunch so I said that's fine, pick a restaurant and let me know which one and I'll see you there at 2pm Saturday.

I waited to hear back which restaurant he was choosing. Yesterday he messaged me to ask where I would be parking so that he could choose a place that's within walking distance of where I parked. (Which I thought was considerate of him.) I told him where I was parking and heard nothing back until just now when he messaged me to say that if it's ok, he'll contact me at 2-ish tomorrow to let me know where he is.

Aibu to find that bizarre and more than a little annoying? He's had 3 days to figure out a restaurant, it's not that hard to settle on a place. And we were meant to be meeting at 2 so what's with the "I'll message you at 2ish" about?? So I'm meant to drive an hour to get to the city , and park and then wait to be given my instructions ... 🤨 I'm a bit unimpressed to be honest.

He did say a couple days ago when we chatted on phone that as he lives rurally an hour from this city he's not too familiar with the restaurants but we all know how to google these days, it's not that hard.

I just think it's weird. I was already a bit nervous of this date as it's my first time getting out there since my divorce and now this has kind of thrown me and I don't know what to respond to him .. can anyone advise?

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 15/06/2024 09:05

I’d cut him some slack, who knows what’s going on in his life and maybe he’s not had time to check out restaurants, or maybe he wants to go and have a look what’s there before you arrive.

borntobequiet · 15/06/2024 09:11

JawJaw · 15/06/2024 09:04

@borntobequiet if you had read the thread you would have found out that he is by far a waste of time, he is thoughtful and OP is really looking forward to seeing him now.

And my opinion is still that he’s making this far too complicated for her and he is indeed a waste of time.

AnotherPoxyName · 15/06/2024 09:22

Hope goes well Op!

rewilded · 15/06/2024 09:41

It is also hard as a lot has been invested -afternoon tea can be quite expensive.

What happens when OP gets there and immediately is not interested? She has to stay there for an uncomfortable couple of hours?

I hope it goes well but a coffee is a better plan.

WavingTree · 15/06/2024 09:43

I couldn’t be arsed with this, it’s not that hard to pick a lunch place and commit to it. I’d bin him off tbh.

SirVixofVixHall · 15/06/2024 09:47

I agree he probably wants to see a place in person to make sure it is nice. It’s stressful trying to find somewhere in a city you don’t know.
First dates are a bit scary for both parties.
I hope it goes well OP .

EatCrow · 15/06/2024 09:51

MrsMoastyToasty · 15/06/2024 08:40

He wants to know what you drive/what your registration number is. Then he can follow you. Park somewhere different/take public transport.

Don’t take public transport OP, you’ll be squashed in a bin before you can say “he….

Nottherealslimshady · 15/06/2024 09:51

FunZebra · 15/06/2024 08:39

It's wierd to ask where you're parking

weirder to spell weird like that but…..

if it’s somewhere like Cardiff, which has a John Lewis in a shopping centre with a car park underneath as OP described, you’d want to know which end of town to park. It’s barely stopped raining since November and you wouldn’t want to be trekking across town in it for a date.

Why do people bitch about others spelling on here? It's so rude. You don't know that English is even my first language. I'm dyslexic, so apologies for not having perfect spelling. Also I before E except after C??!

still doesn't explain why you'd choose a car park before a cafe. You just Google maps a car park close to wherever you're going.

rewilded · 15/06/2024 09:57

Yes very rude. I used to have impeccable spelling and grammar before I hit menopause...

FunZebra · 15/06/2024 10:00

There are car parks in Cardiff I wouldn’t go near.

It’s not “I before E except after C”, hence weird, their, leisure, eight, ceiling, either, protein…….. English is a tricky language and of course dyslexia makes it harder, but I don’t assume everyone that doesn’t spell things correctly is dyslexic and most people are capable of learning new things, so. 🤷🏻‍♀️

dscisaknob · 15/06/2024 10:01

Will be interested to see how this date went. He'd have pissed me off with all the faffing about but now he's apparently found somewhere maybe he might not be so bad after all.

DuckEggBlue432 · 15/06/2024 10:08

You choose the venue, say meet you at X, with postcode & address at 2pm

AppleStruddle123 · 15/06/2024 10:14

I’d just choose a venue. It’s typically the woman who chooses isn’t it?

Hes probably worried he’ll choose the wrong place. Maybe thinks you’ll meet and walk along the street and decide something together.

however I agree I prefer a decisive man who if told to book somewhere just goes ahead and does that

Bababa2456 · 15/06/2024 10:15

Oooooh- can you summarise for all of us who were lurking here @Lilifer ?
And let us know what your deleted post said (without the details?)

I hope it went well, but if I were you I'd have suggested the restaurant to him (I like to be in control!) I'd probably have given him a short list of places to eat and asked him to let me know asap.

I'd not have been at all happy with 2pm. That's not lunch , that's approaching afternoon tea time!

It's completely unacceptable to give you the venue when he was already there.

Lunch is anywhere from 12- 2pm (inclusive.)

My first thought was he is married or with a partner. Men who are tend to want last minute meetings when they can 'get away' without suspicion.

I have no idea if 'marriage bureau' type agencies check out someone's marital status.

I'm sorry as I know you've updated this and it's been deleted but my first impressions of him are he's flaky and hard work.

Going forwards, I think you need to take control and be more assertive- not on the back foot waiting for man to tell you what he wants.

Original poster
Lilifer · 15/06/2024 10:17

Bababa2456 · 15/06/2024 10:15

Oooooh- can you summarise for all of us who were lurking here @Lilifer ?
And let us know what your deleted post said (without the details?)

I hope it went well, but if I were you I'd have suggested the restaurant to him (I like to be in control!) I'd probably have given him a short list of places to eat and asked him to let me know asap.

I'd not have been at all happy with 2pm. That's not lunch , that's approaching afternoon tea time!

It's completely unacceptable to give you the venue when he was already there.

Lunch is anywhere from 12- 2pm (inclusive.)

My first thought was he is married or with a partner. Men who are tend to want last minute meetings when they can 'get away' without suspicion.

I have no idea if 'marriage bureau' type agencies check out someone's marital status.

I'm sorry as I know you've updated this and it's been deleted but my first impressions of him are he's flaky and hard work.

Going forwards, I think you need to take control and be more assertive- not on the back foot waiting for man to tell you what he wants.

Edited

Basically I sent him the suggested message that another poster put very early on in this thread. And he replied immediately to say sorry and that he had booked afternoon tea at the very posh hotel but suggested meeting up a little before that booking to walk around the city market - so I said that's great thanks and see you there.

And now am currently doing the make up hair etc and faffing about what to wear 😀

OP posts:
Bababa2456 · 15/06/2024 10:20

Lilifer · 15/06/2024 10:17

Basically I sent him the suggested message that another poster put very early on in this thread. And he replied immediately to say sorry and that he had booked afternoon tea at the very posh hotel but suggested meeting up a little before that booking to walk around the city market - so I said that's great thanks and see you there.

And now am currently doing the make up hair etc and faffing about what to wear 😀

Show quote history

Ah- so I was right- that it was more an afternoon tea date!

At least you found out as tea requires a different dress to Wetherspoons :)

Enjoy the date!

Choconuts · 15/06/2024 10:21

Good luck today @Lilifer have fun!

FunZebra · 15/06/2024 10:22

I'd not have been at all happy with 2pm. That's not lunch , that's approaching afternoon tea time!

It's completely unacceptable to give you the venue when he was already there.

Lunch is anywhere from 12- 2pm (inclusive.)

Not for everyone. Like the OP, I don’t eat until 2pm or 3pm. Technically that’s breakfast.

(hope your brain isn’t melting at the revelation that not everyone is the same.)

Choochoo21 · 15/06/2024 10:22

Afternoon tea sounds lovely!

Good luck for today, I hope it all goes well 💐

MildredSauce · 15/06/2024 10:22

Have a wonderful time getting back on the metaphorical bike!

Looking forward to the update!

Nottherealslimshady · 15/06/2024 10:25

FunZebra · 15/06/2024 10:00

There are car parks in Cardiff I wouldn’t go near.

It’s not “I before E except after C”, hence weird, their, leisure, eight, ceiling, either, protein…….. English is a tricky language and of course dyslexia makes it harder, but I don’t assume everyone that doesn’t spell things correctly is dyslexic and most people are capable of learning new things, so. 🤷🏻‍♀️

It is a tricky language, correct, so accept that people make mistakes. Assume that people read and write in multiple languages yet imperfectly, that people often haven't had the opportunity to equal education as you have and that many people feel very self conscious and ashamed of that. Assume that people have learning difficulties, brain injuries, are typing quickly, have shitty autocorrect, or simply that no one knows the correct spelling of every single bloody word in the English dictionary. Assume that nobody on the Internet wants you correct their spelling or grammar, especially so rudely.

Learn some manners then. If you're not employed to mark someone's work you have no reason to correct people's spelling or grammar.

Nottherealslimshady · 15/06/2024 10:27

Lilifer · 15/06/2024 10:17

Basically I sent him the suggested message that another poster put very early on in this thread. And he replied immediately to say sorry and that he had booked afternoon tea at the very posh hotel but suggested meeting up a little before that booking to walk around the city market - so I said that's great thanks and see you there.

And now am currently doing the make up hair etc and faffing about what to wear 😀

Show quote history

That sounds lovely. Hope you have a nice time and it was just first date nerves for him!

Supersoakers · 15/06/2024 10:29

Good luck! Sounds like a nice choice

Knitgoodwoman · 15/06/2024 10:32

Sounds good Op, I hope it goes well!

Frasers · 15/06/2024 10:35

Lilifer · 15/06/2024 10:17

Basically I sent him the suggested message that another poster put very early on in this thread. And he replied immediately to say sorry and that he had booked afternoon tea at the very posh hotel but suggested meeting up a little before that booking to walk around the city market - so I said that's great thanks and see you there.

And now am currently doing the make up hair etc and faffing about what to wear 😀

Show quote history

See, it’s all fine, have fun.