to think my life is actually quite sad/pathetic?

[PatheticPup]

Don’t get me wrong, I understand things could be far worse and am grateful that, though dull, I’m surviving quite well with very little obstacles - but I do think, in the abstract, my life is quite sad.

A typical weekday for me is: 8am - 4:30pm WFH (live alone), might pop to a shop or collect my nephew or niece from school/activity 3 times a week, then back home to have dinner. In bed by 7pm, watching telly with the dog. Asleep by 10pm to do it all again the next day.

Typical weekend is similar but with zero work, more errands/chores & occasional visits to my parents/siblings’ houses for family gatherings. No friends outside of my family & work acquaintances, and no boyfriend either (PCOS has left me on the heavier side - I walk daily with the dog and the weight is falling off post treatment but I’m aware I’m not attractive to most)

Most of the time I think my life is peaceful, but I’m also 27, and have been like this since at least 23/24. Am I missing out? Or am I lucky to live such a peaceful, drama free life?

I wouldn’t say your life is sad or pathetic. But going to bed around 7 sounds boring to me! Don’t you socialise at all? Go on dates or have hobbies? Exercise?
you could do so much between 7-10. But only if you want to. If you’re happy - crack on. The only opinion that matters when it comes to your life is yours!

Are you happy? I think most people's lives can be fairly mundane - and your life doesn't sound sad at all! - but if that's what suits you, that's great.

Peace and serenity is what most people aspire to without or with partners .
Why don't you mix it up , who says you have to go to bed at 7pm . Go out , people watching in a pavement cafe with a coffee is a start . You sound like you could be in a rut . Small changes will spur you on to lead a different life., but that's only if you want it . Absolutely nothing wrong with a peaceful life .

No, I don’t socialize. Have social anxiety since I was a child so just never bothered really. Always had friends in school but looking back, it was more circumstantial friendships than actual friendships if you get me.

I think I’m too boring for people to want to chat to anyway 🙈😂

What would you like your life to be like?

What about joining an activity club. Something you are interested in.
That could also improve your self esteem.
It would give you more social interaction as well.

90% of the time, yes, I’m very happy. Especially when the people around me are having relationship problems 🙈 That 10% though hits hard

I don't think anyone can tell you that as it doesn't matter as long as you are content with your life.

Are you lonely? Do you want to date? Do you want to be doing something else with your time?

Or are you happy but concerned with how your life may be perceived?

Depends how happy you are - what other people think doesn’t really matter.

As you asked though, I’m not sure why you would go to bed at 7.00. I don’t think I’d sleep well and I really value my evenings. If you would like more of a social life, there are lots of ways you can go about this. Joining clubs - something related to your dog? Or walking? Sport? Craft? Religion? Politics? Book group? Amateur Theatre? The list is endless really…

Sounds fine to me. You have family, including young niece and nephew. You have a dog. You have flexible hours, so maybe you could pop to the gym or something.

You could date. You could do a solo hobby on the weekend or join a club. You still have time to have your own family if you want that.

Most people need to balance peace with stimulation and do something now and again to make them feel a bit excited by life, as balance in all things is usually optimum. You don't have to be hitting the town with a big group of mates. You could just try a few new experiences, shows, gigs, museums, a hobby, to see if anything grabs you and gets your enthusiasm going.

I think it is lovely that you are close to family. Not everyone has that.

I think it would be good for you to build a bit of a social network. You don't have to have best friends but a tiny bit of volunteering or an activity of some sort that gets you out.

Lonely? No. I’m very close to my family, spend a lot of time with them, chat to them every day. My dog is always by my side as well.

Do I want to date? I’m not sure. I was a hopeless romantic up until around Covid hit, had a few short lived boyfriends, etc. Dreams of marriage, children, etc. Over time, it just seemed less and less likely to happen for me.

Do I want to do something else? Also not sure. I’m not sure what else there is to do other than work, eat, sleep. I don’t have hobbies, depression took them away.

I do genuinely not care how my life is perceived though! If anything, I prefer not to be perceived at all 😂 My motto is “if you know my name, you know too much”, so I’d rather people didn’t hold any opinion of me tbh, and I don’t care to know any of those opinions if they do have them. Definitely was always the kid in school who was invisible!! Had teachers ask my friends if they’d seen me while I was standing beside them and all!!

You are so young OP and it sounds like life is passing you by. As other PPs suggest, is there a hobby you enjoy or would like to try? Could you join a gym (aqua aerobics was great for me when I was bigger and full of fun ladies), or gardening or cooking?

I suppose the key thing is, are you happy with your life (and it does sound rather serene and lovely), or do you want more? Do you want friends, a boyfriend, a social life? Could you join a book group, a walking group, a dog training class, whatever you enjoy, if you're looking for a social outlet?

I normally go to bed (not to sleep, but to watch tv) around 7 just because there’s nothing else for me to do, and it seems all the same to watch tv in my living room or my room

90% very happy is actually very high!

Your life is not sad or pathetic. Your life is valid, valuable and yours.

If you want more then work out what it is, but don't change to become someone else as that won't lead to any more happiness.

I empathise OP as I feel similar. I go out more but the feeling that others are having a blast and I have a bit of a small life sounds similar. Maybe that’s an illusion in my head but I feel boring than others! I see some friends on Facebook posting May pics and it looks like such a full life of trips and experiences. I would love to have more of that but my friends are very disinterested or very partner focused so they won’t do anything unless their partner is away or bisy and even then it’s just dinner. I don’t really know how to fix how I feel so I certainly empathise.

I’m sure the right answer is to do exciting things alone but I feel loneliest in a crowd when I’m alone. I woulD like to share going out and doing things with others. Is this what stops you going out or do you not want to go out? If you would like to then start small and try having a coffee in a cafe or maybe attending a solo event like a gym class. I feel better when I’ve had social contact even if it’s not super exciting. Just a casual chat with an acquaintance can make things feel better. The common MN suggestion is joining groups so you might consider this. I think it’s easier said than done as groups can be a negative experience but it’s worth a try if you could find a local interest group.

even if you value peace and quiet, the thoughts that you’ve been having suggest that you might want more contact. Start small and see if it helps. Good luck

How about just finding a nice hobby to at home?

I have taken up sewing as I am too ill to go out often and it makes me feel more like I have a life outside of work and family, its something to look forward to and I occasionally go to classes or a fabric shop if I am well enough

I’m very lucky ❤️ My parents’ dream was to have their kids be best friends as they themselves had quite unfortunate siblings. They got their wish - we’re all best friends!!! My nephew & nieces are my absolute world as well. Truly think they’re the best children to ever exist, but sure doesn’t everyone think that of their own? 😂😂😂😂

Forgot to mention in my original post, part of my isolation is due to multiple chronic illnesses that cause pain & fatigue - so sometimes even when I want to do something, I’m physically unable. Feel that might add more context to the overall

Ooh this made me tear up haha! My ideal life was always the classic: husband, 2 kids, lots of dogs, cozy house in the countryside, etc. But my social anxiety makes dating quite difficult, I’ve been diagnosed with 2 chronic illnesses that result in limited fertility, and with the cost of living, buying my own house seems less and less possible (renting solo at the moment).

I think part of me feels like there’s no point trying with so many odds stacked against me. Over the years, it feels like every bit of hope I had was plucked away one by one

What’s the deal with your work? I remember my late 20s as a time when I (and all my contemporaries) felt propelled forward in my career. It took up a lot of time and energy and involved a fair amount of socialising and junketing around the country. It doesn’t sound as if your work demands much of you? If that’s so, isn’t there more you want to do?

And yet you posted on the internet to ask a bunch of total strangers whether your life wasn’t ‘actually quite sad/pathetic’? You’re inviting opinions, and I suspect you mind more than you think, and you know there’s more to life than working and watching tv in bed. You have a lot of freedom, no ties, you’re clearly solvent and in reasonably good health. The world is your oyster. What do you want from it?

I think you are lucky to live such a peaceful life. But if you want a little more in it, then add a few things.