to think my life is actually quite sad/pathetic?

[PatheticPup]

Don’t get me wrong, I understand things could be far worse and am grateful that, though dull, I’m surviving quite well with very little obstacles - but I do think, in the abstract, my life is quite sad.

A typical weekday for me is: 8am - 4:30pm WFH (live alone), might pop to a shop or collect my nephew or niece from school/activity 3 times a week, then back home to have dinner. In bed by 7pm, watching telly with the dog. Asleep by 10pm to do it all again the next day.

Typical weekend is similar but with zero work, more errands/chores & occasional visits to my parents/siblings’ houses for family gatherings. No friends outside of my family & work acquaintances, and no boyfriend either (PCOS has left me on the heavier side - I walk daily with the dog and the weight is falling off post treatment but I’m aware I’m not attractive to most)

Most of the time I think my life is peaceful, but I’m also 27, and have been like this since at least 23/24. Am I missing out? Or am I lucky to live such a peaceful, drama free life?

I work in HR, but don’t have to travel much. We only go into the office once or twice a month. My job is great, but it is just a means of surviving. I previously worked as a preschool teacher and loved it, but the salary wasn’t something I could survive on alone. Wasn’t even pensionable!

Honestly?

For a 27 year old it does sound quite samey and sad.

You say you don't want to go out because you have anxiety. So you're medicalising shyness or internal fears rather than facing your fears and getting out there.

And you're big? So many young women nowadays are carrying a lot of weight. And yet there they are with nice boyfriends, great lives and looking hot. It's no excuse really.

What do you fancy doing OP?

I totally get this, I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, but I just try to enjoy the little moments. I've been through times when I was unbelievable stressed out which is what gave me the CFS in the first place so now I just appreciate the small but peaceful life I have.

You sound lovely and your life isn't sad and pathetic. I absolutely love what your do for your neices and nephew and how you describe them. You also have rich family relationships which is a great blessing. I would encourage you though to find some opportunities to keep some options open for social encounters. Maybe a Choir or sports club? Volunteering is a nice way of meeting others without the social awkwardness as you have something to do. I don't know what your skillset is or what you like but there are lots of opportunities. A community cafe, school governor, children's group volunteer. Consider 1 way you can branch out and take the plunge. Good luck OP!

I was more so asking for perspectives rather than judgement but I suppose it’s similar! I also suffer from multiple chronic illnesses so my health isn’t what would be the “standard” for my age (and look the standard is subjective anyway)

Not sure what you mean by medicalizing shyness? It’s much more than just shyness, which is why it’s a recognized medical diagnosis?

My life is not that dissimilar to yours except I don’t work due to chronic illness. I’m very close to my family also. I’m also in bed every night at 7pm watching tv but sometimes I’ll read or listen to podcasts around my interests. During the week I also spend time with my little nieces/nephews and everyone else I know is at work so it helps to fill the time and of course I adore them!

I think it’s important to have relationships and interests outside of family though.

I try to make some nice plans with others on a weekend otherwise I’d go stir crazy. A yoga class, meet a friend for a coffee, go to the theatre, go out for lunch or shopping or cinema with my DH.

I like to travel so spend time researching and planning that but even on holiday I’m in bed for an afternoon nap and then again at 8pm - I have to be to manage my fatigue.

Have you looked into joining some classes eg yoga, it can really help with pain. The Virtual Village Hall has lots of free classes you can do from home - you could build some interests from there? If you like walking how about visiting some new places for walks or try Meet up for group hikes? How about an in person book club or an online one (Shelf help is great if you’re into personal development but there are plenty of others). You could volunteer? Visit some interesting places etc. So many options that you can hopefully fit around your illnesses if you feel stuck in a rut.

Sounds like you need to set some goals. Do you have any dreams, anything you want to achieve in life? Don’t tell yourself it won’t happen. Take some actionable steps towards it. I totally agree rest is important but so is not letting life pass you by and not ignoring those feelings you have of there being more to life.

If you are happy and you like your life, that's all that matters really. I always feel worried about this - that other people might think I'm sad or whatever - but deep down, I rarely am.

One thing I've found that it is harder to make friends when you are past Uni - I'm struggling at 30+ and that's despite going into the office, going to office events, trying out social clubs and book clubs etc. I do have 3 or 4 close friends but they are married or have children now so their priorities are elsewhere... things change. Even for people who seem like they have it all, time changes things. I think it is just as lonely to feel like the 'odd one out' when your friends' lives are at different stages than it would be to not really have them.

Who said that?

☺️ I quite like that motto OP.

Do you have any ambitions you want to achieve? Places you want to visit? Would the idea of going on the holiday of a lifetime terrify you or excite you?

Try and do something outside your comfort zone once a month, even if it's just having a coffee at a pavement café, going to the cinema or theatre, or a day trip to the beach. You need things to look forward to, and life can be fun and exciting, despite chronic illness and anxiety.

I wouldn't be happy with this life and not because you don't have a bf or kids. But because it's so small.

If you are happy with it, and don't even want to join any sort of club, then I guess nothing more to be said. But you don't sound happy. I would be highly alarmed if my DD, a few years younger than you, lived like this.

A few people are being a bit prickly. People can't seem to comprehend anything other than their own ideal. We're all here on MN on a Friday evening, not just OP. Just saying.

Anyway, I'd definitely consider volunteering or a hobby group (as in, strongly recommend). It's killing two birds with one stone:

Social interaction/building confidence for new experiences. But the socialising doesn't require a lot of commitment, and you're always doing something so there's always stuff to talk about.

And it's tied to something you're interested in and enjoy.

It sounds fine to me....maybe you could look at getting some hobbies, just to find more varied things to do but I think most peoples day to day lives arent filled with excitement and adventure anyways!
Majority of most peoples days are going to be work, family and household chores TBF.

and nothing wrong with curling up in bed at 7 with a dog to watch telly, I do it fairly often!

I don’t know. I have diagnosed social anxiety too but never wanted that to limit me - I took medication for a while to help me cope with getting out of my comfort zone, take up hobbies, meet people, do well at work, date etc etc - I am so glad I did as would’ve missed out on so much of life if I didn’t push through it. Unless it’s incredibly severe I absolutely think you can - but only you know what kind of life you want to live.

You’re only 27 but you write like you are 47. You are so very young and there is lots to hope for. You are ahead of many your age in that you have a career and can support yourself. You know what you want out of life too.

Your life sounds very peaceful and secure and your family sounds amazing.
But you are allowed to want more and to go after it. I think you may be too comfortable and afraid to venture outside your routine.

I know you have fatigue and that is a challenge as I have it too, but you do need a few good friends, and to go out now and then and actively look for a partner if you want a husband and kids.

See if there is a dog walking group in your town…that is a good way to meet people.

I think you need to make your world a bit bigger.

Make some effort to get new friends. See the world.

You'll look back in twenty years otherwise and nothing will have changed, except your ability to change it will have decreased every year.

My motto is “if you know my name, you know too much”

But why? It's not like you're in MI5 or something. Your existence isn't under threat from making acquaintances and would probably be enhanced by it. Honestly, this sounds like something people write on SM when they want to look edgy and mysterious but really they are Neil from Woking and work in Curry's.

Honestly, we are nearly all Neil who works in Curry's. Most people will live unremarkable lives, but that doesn't mean they need to be small lives- just don't block things off because you're afraid of failure or rejection- it's just part of life.

I think your life does seem peaceful but perhaps you feel you're missing something because you're asking the question in the first place. The only thing I'd suggest is maybe an opportunity to meet other people with a hobby. Have you thought about a walking group or a local sport you might like to try. I've recently joined a sports club local to me that I've never done before and honestly it's added so much to my life and the other women are so lovely 🥰 I've made some great friends.

If you ever fancy going to Costa :)

@PatheticPup I’ll be your friend OP! I’m exactly the same! I’m 29, WFH 8-4 every day, weekends are either spent with family or by myself! I’m heavily involved in my niece and love looking after her but I would like a family of my own on day. I’m always in bed for around 7!

I also have PCOS and have put on weight and I’ve been struggling badly with this and also have no boyfriend either! Friends are always busy with their children or partners these days. I’d like more hobbies but not sure where to start!

Im not sure where you are based but if you’d like a friend please message me on here! :)

The only question that matters is are you happy? Everything else is irrelevant. Plenty of people live sexy, exciting lives - doesn’t mean they enjoy them. Maybe they’ve got loads of friends, live in a flat in Camden, go to gigs and cool bars, etc, but are deeply, deeply unhappy. Think of all the rich, talented artists who’ve killed themselves, or drunk themselves to death. Then there are other people who live alone with a couple of cats, have no friends or career, spend the weekend sipping herbal tea and re-reading Tolkien but are blissfully content.

Peaceful is great but surely some additional interests/hobbies would be good. Do a jigsaw in the evenings. Knit, crochet or sew. You could try an online class if you don't feel up to an in person one. A great thing would be to help with Brownies/Beavers or similar. People are usually grateful for any help offered and you sound like you enjoy being with kids.

If you are happy it doesn't matter what anyone thinks, or how your life compares to others x

Hi OP,

I think the most important thing about life is whether you are happy. It's great that you have strong family relationships.

I understand that chronic fatigue can make things difficult (and is very variable each day) but I think joining a hobby group/book club/committee/whatever interests you might help to improve your social skills a bit. An app like meetup has loads of groups and might be a good starting point.

Meeting a few new people might also open you up to finding a friend or romantic partner, and provide a slightly richer experience of life.

why? if she is happy sod knitting or bloody crochet!