to think my life is actually quite sad/pathetic?

[PatheticPup]

Don’t get me wrong, I understand things could be far worse and am grateful that, though dull, I’m surviving quite well with very little obstacles - but I do think, in the abstract, my life is quite sad.

A typical weekday for me is: 8am - 4:30pm WFH (live alone), might pop to a shop or collect my nephew or niece from school/activity 3 times a week, then back home to have dinner. In bed by 7pm, watching telly with the dog. Asleep by 10pm to do it all again the next day.

Typical weekend is similar but with zero work, more errands/chores & occasional visits to my parents/siblings’ houses for family gatherings. No friends outside of my family & work acquaintances, and no boyfriend either (PCOS has left me on the heavier side - I walk daily with the dog and the weight is falling off post treatment but I’m aware I’m not attractive to most)

Most of the time I think my life is peaceful, but I’m also 27, and have been like this since at least 23/24. Am I missing out? Or am I lucky to live such a peaceful, drama free life?

In bed at 7 for someone in their 20s does sound miserable.

But that's me. Yes I'd worry if you were my kid.

But If you're genuinely happy and love your life that's great and don't change anything.

why is it 'miserable ' in your opinion but for someone else it is great, she is in bed with the dog watching tv, what's wrong with that or does it not fit into 'your' idea of normal?

I personally wouldn't have been happy with the life you describe at 27yo. With no ties I was going out, meeting people, holidays travelling, taking risks with my career. At 40 I feel getting into bed at 7pm to watch TV would be pretty bleak every night.

What you do in your 20s will dictate what your 30s, 40s and 50s ( and beyond) are like. If you want to meet someone, you need to be looking. Even just making friends outside of your family.

Get help for your social anxiety, play the hell out the cards life has given you. Life is short, blink and you'll miss it.

I do not think not wanting anyone to know your name is normal at all. I think posters are being disingenuous when they say it is. The OP has mentioned depression has destroyed all her hobbies, so that is clearly not a normal state of being, either.

Yes I said it sounds miserable to me.

I also said if she's happy that's great.

What's your point?

you dont sound sad or pathetic, you do sound like you could do with a few challenges to work towards, like taking up a sport, or a qualification, or voluntary work. maybe you could train for the Samaritans or take up football? there are lots of local clubs for women beginners these days.

I'm interested that you use the words sad and pathetic. Those are quite strong. You didn't say a bit dull and understimulating, you used quite emotionally laden words.

You say you are happy and you also say your life is sad. Have you ever spent time visualising what a happy life would look like? A happy ordinary average day? In what way would it differ from what you have now? In what way would it be the same? What about a happy weekend life?

I think fantasising like this can give us ideas on what we want to change.

I also think it's fun to shake up tiny things in life, just to see what happens to your energy and your opportunities. Just reorganising your furniture or walking a different route or doing face to face meetings instead of zoom - small things like that can shift the energy.

I'm a little unsure OP. You say you're happy 90% of the time, but your subsequent posts would indicate that actually your life is missing things you would like in it - a husband, children, home ownership, and that it's not that you're content per se, but you don't actually know what to do with your downtime and/or illness and anxiety limit your abilities to engage socially.

I don't think you're pathetic, not at all, but I think you are very young to be writing off having your own children (I understand your PCOS struggles), or building a social network, hobbies etc.

I also think it's worth bearing in mind that sadly one day your parents will most likely die before you, and there's no guarantee that your siblings and their children will remain local to you. You need to build relationships and community that will sustain you.

But you didn’t neutrally invite perspectives on your life, OP. Look at your language . You’re the one who said ‘in the abstract, my life is quite sad’.

I absolutely get that your illness means you have to conserve energy, but it sounds to me as if you could live a richer life.

How about doing some volunteering? It's something you can do for a few hours a week at your convenience. You can meet other people and get involved in their fund raisers etc. It's such a worthwhile thing to do.

I do think a lot of peoples lives are quite mundane/routine so don’t beat yourself up as yours doesn’t sound sad/patgetic. You have family to visit occasionally, you’re out & about & walking your dog etc. sounds pretty normal to me!

If you wanted to add more in, you could join a club/class then there will be things local I’m sure.

Because activities like that, along with social contact, are good for your mental health. Also because if she's posting on here about it I wonder if the op is happy? They are only suggestions not a directive!

Your life sounds amazing compared to mine. I crave a simple life. Have you joined Dull women's club on Facebook. It's the best community. Everyone revels in their dullness

@PatheticPup

Your life sounds lovely but 27!! You’re so young! You’re only a baby! Enjoy your youth. Get out there and meet (nice) people. Find what you enjoy doing and do it

You could easily have 60/80 years ahead of you. You’re too young to be stuck indoors alone.

Are you happy?
Your life sounds idyllic to me!

You and your life sound lovely. Just because others think going out and being on the go all the time is the best life it’s not true for everyone.

I understand depression it has killed a lot of my interests off as well. I have always been a “loner” But I still like to read and chat on the phone with friends. I meet up with friends about once every other month which is good enough for me. I met one of my friends online then she started inviting her other friends when we would meet up so they are my go to friends when I’m itching to do something which is rarely lol

maybe join a book club or a walking group. Even if you don’t make life long friends it’s still gets you out of the house once or twice a month.

I have health issues that cause fatigue and live alone and very similar!
I do like being at home, pottering about, cooking etc but was missing something so started some new stuff

In summer I go with a group to swim in the river, good as I can join or not or just sit and watch and drink a coffee and enjoy the views
It's a nice 30 min walk to the river and people take their dogs too, some swim and some just let their dogs swim!
Once a week I play netball which is my new favourite thing, really enjoying it. And I exercise at home too with weights and a spin bike

It sounds lovely, having such a good relationship with your family.

Because you are posting here, I do wonder if you are ready to add something. Just something regular, low pressure. A volunteering group? Parkrun (you can walk, and volunteers are always appreciated!)? An evening class?

Meh I had a busy late 20’s, I wouldn’t say I was happy though. I moved to a different country, have a family etc and spend a good chunk of time wishing I could just be left in peace for a few days. Over the years I’ve found it’s the “little” things that make the difference. Having positive relationships (I struggle to make friends but I’m close to my family)being able to take joy in things likes podcast, books, bit of yoga etc. Few people get to live a life full of highs.

Tbh OP if you are happy then it doesn’t really matter what your life looks like, as long as it serves you well. But if you are posting, is it because something is bothering you? You can keep the structure of your life and add some bits in. Hobbies etc.

What were your hobbies before illness? Could you restart these in a reduced way or find similar interests that don’t impact so much on your health?

Its great that your 90% happy, I would say many people are less than that but you are very young for this to be your life for ever more.

Im not sure going to bed every day at 7pm is good for your well-being. Maybe push yourself to do something just one night during the week that gets you out of the house. A yoga class, a book club? I don’t know what your interests are but there must be something.

Why have you written your chances of marriage off? You say you’re not attractive…firstly I bet you have many attractive qualities…secondly look around you when you next go out…there are people of all shapes, sizes and appearances in relationships. Go on, consider online dating.

If you are really and truly content with your lifestyle then continue to enjoy it as it is. You are lucky to be so close to a lovely family and they sound lucky to have you.

You keep saying you’re happy but I don’t understand why you would have started this thread if you were happy. If you were actually happy you wouldn’t need the validation of mumsnetters.
I know squillions of people with medical issues and social anxiety (I mean, literally every single person in the world has personal stuff going on, don’t they) and they’re all living full and rich lives (except for one person I know whose whole identity is her ailments which is sad and she doesn’t realise everyone else has stuff to deal with too). If you’re happy then crack on of course. But you started a thread asking, and teared up when asked about your ideal life/what you had pictured your life to look like.
I’m in my 30s and a couple of people I know have dropped dead recently. Life is so so short and you only get one, you must spend it doing what you want. If that’s bed at 7 with your dog then crack on (I’d love that every once in a while!) and don’t waste time doubting yourself on Mumsnet. If you’d want to also add in some more stuff, and conquer the social anxiety, and stop identifying with that, then it’s very very doable. It’s empowering too.

ETA ooh I have a few mottos like you too OP, one I like is ‘you’re as young as you’ll ever be, and as old as you’ve ever been’ - so you’ll never be this young and sprightly again, and you’ve never been wiser. The time is now!

You can live your life any way you want to. But. Some of your phrases are concerning and it sounds life you do want to get put more you don't value yourself enough to be around other people. Which is sad. Your sound very nice. Can you get some counselling to work through your self esteem issues. And yes I think you should socialise. Here some ideas: join the website meet up. It has lot of groups on there for single people that you can join. If that's tol much they have online things you can join first. I am on an online book club among other things. Join a church, one with social groups attached. I moved to a new town after an awful divorce where I knew no one. I joined a church not being particularly religious and got involved in the youth group volunteering and I love it. Also look at volunteering near you. Charity shops are always good as well, doing a few hours sorting or working in the shop. That way you are meeting people but it's less onerous on talking. It's scary but there are ways to do it. You clearly want to and you do deserve it so get out there! Xx

I think your life is what mine would've been had I not met DH. No, it's not sad, some people could only dream of such a chilled out life.

https://socialanxietyalliance.org.uk/online-groups-and-support/

Attend as many of these support groups as you can. Everyone will be after the same things as you. Some of the best people I know have social anxiety. Excellent place to make friends if wanted.

You may want to think about and look into how you use your imagination, if you want to overcome and manage anxiety.

Current cognitive models of social phobia converge on the view that negative imagery is a key factor in the development and maintenance of the disorder.

Using your imagination in a different more helpful way could transform your life.

Source of the quote above:
https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fnhum.2014.00043/full

That's very useful.