Would you let your child do this or am I over the top?

[KrustyBurger]

Currently on holiday in the USA. We are staying at a Marriott so not a motel type set up.

Husband asked our daughter who is 12 to run some rubbish down to the bin next to the lift, she would have to go past about 12 room doors (6 each side).

I said no, il do it as you never know who’s in the rooms and it only takes 5 seconds for someone to open the door and yank her in and you wouldn’t even know which room it is or where she is.

Husband said ok but gave me a strange glance.

Was I being over the top? Or would other parents do the same. It’s nearly 10pm at night here.

Husband's a bit of a clean freak and our bin is full hence not just leaving it.

Bullshit!

It's always 'a friend' isn't it? Did the man look Eastern European perchance? Where was his white van?

but if you wouldn’t let your 3 year old go out of your sight why a 12 year old? They’re still young!

Seriously? That's a genuine question? How do you expect a 12 year old to be a functioning adult if you treat them the same as a 3 year old?

If you are genuinely concerned, as you appear to be, that there’s people waiting in the other rooms to abduct your daughter - why are you there?

Honestly I wonder if instead of teaching your daughter to be careful you are instead teaching her to be fearful - and are limiting her development of risk evaluation skills.

You remind me of a friend’s mother who restricted what she did - because you never know. My friend never learnt to evaluate risk - everything was scary. Except due quickly learnt mother was crazy - and so everything became fair game.

If you were that worried about your daughter, you should have walked with her. This prevents your daughter from going alone (you can be abducted together, much better) but doesn’t teach her to fear ghosts.

Crossing the road was probably far more dangerous.

Children are abducted, but they are far more likely to be harmed by their parents. Walking down the hall is not a risky activity unless you are in a very unsafe hotel. And frankly if the area is that unsafe - go on holiday somewhere else.

I was gonna say this. Has nobody ever asked their 12 year old to do a menial task. Why are people calling ops dh "Mr.clean"? The bin needed emptying ffs!

Op I think you are massively overreacting here. She would be more exposed to risk walking to school, park etc.
It's also risk that we have to allow young teens to have to build them up to be mature and responsible.

I presume 12 year olds in the US do things, but you have decided you are right nothing we say will change it

I would have no issues you do

Lol I didn’t say they are the same developmentally- I said it’s the same principle like obvs a 3 year old could get lost/wonder off, but as per child abduction they are still young at 12.

goshhh people on this post are very angry today 🤣

That was a 7 year old. The child in question here is 12. Big difference.

Definitely way over the top.

I guess it's getting the balance between safety and allowing your child to grow up. I mean, follow your thinking through to its logical end and you would never allow your child out of the front door.

I didn’t say they are the same developmentally- I said it’s the same principle

It's not the same principle though is it because the age of the child makes a huge difference. This 13 year old is apparently allowed to go out unsupervised to park and shops etc which you obviously wouldn't allow a 3 year old to do. So why would they be treated the same in the situation the OP outlined?

You keep saying "we're in a foreign country." If this country is so unsafe that 12 year olds are routinely abducted when putting their nose out of their front door, why on earth have you brought your family there?

if you wouldn’t let your 3 year old go out of your sight why a 12 year old?

😂😂😂

I am about the most anxious person in the world .

clinical anxiety off the scale - I can and I do worry about everything! (Yes medicated and yea having therapy)

but I wouldn’t have even thought of this being a risk let alone worried about it !

I would let her do it and watch from the doorway. Or if that would not provide a clear view I’d not have let her.

Some risks are remote but really easy to guard against.

Humans are really bad at assessing risk. It’s not simply a case of considering how remote the risk is (which is where lots of people stop analysing), it’s also a case of assessing how potentially bad the consequence could be if the risk materializes, the downside to not taking the risk and any steps that might mitigate the risk. That is why, when the question of remote risks crops up on here and people say things like “you’d never cross the road or get in a car if you thought like that”, it is a really poor analogy. The downsides to never doing those things are quite considerable.

Here the risk of anything happening to OP’s DD is very remote, but if the risk did materialize the result is potentially really serious, the downside to her not doing it is negligible and in any event it’s easy to mitigate the risk - by watching from the doorway.

Yeah that's a nuts level of over thinking.

You'd never let a12 year old out of your sight? Please tell me you don't have a 12 year old.

This is one of the stupidest threads I've ever read. Your perception of risk is so bizarre I don't know where to start.

It is the time of day or night rather (10pm) that would be an issue for me - someone coming up the lift drunk etc.
An option would be to open the hotel door and watch her - but quite frankly I am not sure why your lazy husband would not just do it himself if he wants it emptied so much!

You are ridiculous. And racist. Why would your daughter be more at risk in the USA?

There are so many obvious differences between that and walking down a corridor at 10 pm. Mostly the fact that the man in question had the time to see what was going on and plan.

I can't work out how OP thinks this random abductor even knows her daughter is walking down the corridor, let alone prepared to take that sort of risk knowing that he might easily be seen, the alarm could be raised within a very short period, and he would be one of a very small pool of suspects.

The paranoia and anxiety on this thread!! Honestly, over anxious parents do kids NO favours.

I think you're being over the top. You have watched Taken too many times!
Is your husband Liam Neeson, does he have a unique set of skills?

Aaww you’re all out on form today aren’t you - miss quoting what I’ve said ahah.

… On holiday in an unfamiliar place where I wasn’t able to categorically rule out child abduction YES 100% wouldn’t let my 12 year old out of my sight .. better safe than sorry hey.

It would be funny if I wasn't true!

OP said her DH was dealing with their youngest, and I’m assuming that the whole family used the bin, so why not?