Would you let your child do this or am I over the top?

[KrustyBurger]

Currently on holiday in the USA. We are staying at a Marriott so not a motel type set up.

Husband asked our daughter who is 12 to run some rubbish down to the bin next to the lift, she would have to go past about 12 room doors (6 each side).

I said no, il do it as you never know who’s in the rooms and it only takes 5 seconds for someone to open the door and yank her in and you wouldn’t even know which room it is or where she is.

Husband said ok but gave me a strange glance.

Was I being over the top? Or would other parents do the same. It’s nearly 10pm at night here.

Husband's a bit of a clean freak and our bin is full hence not just leaving it.

My point still stands. If you don't let your 12 year old out of your sight AT ALL on holiday (once they have their bearings and have familiarised themselves with the hotel/resort) you're still being over protective.

I have read this entire thread with my jaw hanging open. I honestly cannot believe how many people have agreed with OP. And how many seem to think that the only acceptable level of risk is zero.

@LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood risk analysis theory is all very well but totally ridiculous in this situation. Yes, there are three factors to consider - risk itself, consequences of not doing action, potential downside. But they need to be seen together - the potential downside is real here but the risk factor is SOOOO low, it completely negates it. By that analysis, a child this age would never be allowed to go to the park or shop in their home town becuase there the risk of them being hurt or abducted is somewhat higher than in a hotel corridor.

We went to EuroDisney when DD was 7 and DS was 11. The two of them regularly went up to the room by themselves ahead of me and DH. I took DD to London last year and she loved going to get ice in the ice machine by herself (she was 8) I think I left the door open so I could hear her, but more in case she got scared or fell over or something, not because I was worried she'd be grabbed.

I really despair. I read about high levels of anxiety in teenagers and I can't help thinking this is why.

On holiday in an unfamiliar place where I wasn’t able to categorically rule out child abduction

You can't rule out child abduction anywhere. Even your own back garden. But it's a vanishingly rare event, and damaging your child confidence and restricting their independence is very damaging.

Sometimes MN makes me doubt the wisdom of universal suffrage.

You think UK is safer than a ’foreign country’? I’m not from the UK but I only ever hear people from the UK speak like this. You honestly should have stayed at home, you are foreigner yourself in the country you are in and maybe they think foreigners are dodgy too.

I feel sorry for your daughter and husband.

@Overthebs you can never rule out child abduction so i assume your 12 year old is never out of your sight even for a second?

I really despair. I read about high levels of anxiety in teenagers and I can't help thinking this is why.

Yep. Crime against strangers is lower than it's ever been, yet kids are now primed to be scared of everything.

I sincerely hope OP that you don't pass your anxieties on to your child and that she grows up to be a confident and fulfilled woman who strides across the world to find her own adventures. Like I did.

This is a little bit silly. People are irrational creatures, ‘instinct’ leads us into all sorts of trouble.

Soooo why risk it in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people and surroundings?! Bet you the McCans thought it’d be all okay. Look all I’m saying is if you’re not comfortable with letting your YOUNG child out of your sight on holiday then I think that’s a very sensible approach. As I’d rather be branded overly anxious than very Sorry!!!

Honestly I wonder if instead of teaching your daughter to be careful you are instead teaching her to be fearful - and are limiting her development of risk evaluation skills.

I came on to say much the same - but couldn’t put it better. And the problem with catastrophising about everything is that you run the risk that they simply dismiss everything you warn them about as paranoid old rubbish. Teens always think they know better, but there are some things you really need them to understand and take care about. You diminish your own currency with this sort of thing.

I mean - what are the odds of someone, at that random moment, coming out of a hotel room to snatch a 12 year old girl? Probably about the same as a gunman deciding to burst into the room you’re actually in. Or a collapse of the ceiling above you. It’s important to keep things in perspective and take a rational approach to risk.

Well yes, but then you would never do anything. This 12yo is allowed to go out alone at home. There is still a (vanishingly small) risk of abduction there too, arguably more so than in the hotel corridor. Again there's a (vanishingly small) chance of abduction when the DD is 18 or 30 or 50. The consequences of abduction are too horrific to contemplate, but we do have to be rational about the chances of it.

I do agree that in this case there is no real benefit to the task. The 12yo is not feeling sad they couldn't empty the bin but might feel pretty frustrated if they couldn't walk to their friend's house for example. So it's not a big deal, but it's still OTT to me.

It's still likely to be in the region of 250 feet at most, down a straight corridor monitored by CCTV. I cannot imagine why you think an abductor would ever risk it.

Genuinely not sure why you think she's at more risk of abduction in the US than at home? Do bad people not exist when you're in familiar territory?

This seems wildly unlikely. Hotels have CCTV everywhere in public areas, they would know exactly where he was.

@GardenersWord in hotels in the USA, it's fun to put the rubbish in the chute & get ice out of the machine.

@KrustyBurger my parents were very careful with us, but even we were allowed to do that in the USA much younger than your DD. Plus we were obsessed getting ice out of the machine!!

Dear God
people really are so stupid when it comes to risk assessment
or at least on mumsnet they are
I have never met anyone this ridiculous in real life

Marriot, you call room service to come and get the bin that is overflowing. If not put in the bathroom or cupboard away from sight. 10pm doing a bin run in a hotel that you paying and not a motel? It’s a holiday so all should be chill and relax.

Come off it, if you can't see the difference between leaving very young children unsupervised with 15 minute checks and leaving a 12 year old to walk up and down a monitored corridor for a minute or so, you've got serious problems.

This forum is full of women who won't get taxis or walk home from the pub alone, they won't walk through fields alone in broad daylight or let their secondary age children catch a bus at 4pm.

What is everyone so scared of? And are none of you worried about how much you're limiting your lives and the lives of your children? How are they meant to grow up into functioning, independent adults if you won't let them for anything?

I would have absolutely no problem with this.

Why wasn't he able to do it?

@Overthebs are you seriously comparing the abduction of a toddler who was left unattended for long periods of time to a 12 year old secondary age child walking down a hotel corridor? 😂

Can you imagine an employee of the Marriott reading this insanity?

“Hello, Marketing department? We have a problem. Some British mums think our perfectly nice hotel chain is some kind of shooting alley in Beirut.”

My kids fought over whose turn it was to get ice from the machine in the hallway, ffs. I hope to god the OP’s paranoia isn’t spreading to her tween.

Yes I am. They were targeted and I feel there’s no point in taking chances, how do you know that a 12 year old won’t be followed and targeted?! It’s the whole ‘oh it’ll be okay attitude’. I’d rather take the.. it might not be okay so I won’t take the risk attitude. End of day 12 years old is still young. Yer the risk of going down the corridor is low but I’m saying if you don’t feel comfortable letting them out your sight still at that age then that’s reasonable to me!