is this a bit rude? Or just me?

[iamsoshocked]

Just got home from work, and DD (19 home from Uni) and 2 friends are at the kitchen table. One friend is veggie, the other has allergy to egg.

I came in, said hello, nice to see you again etc, to which they just replied "Hi". Then I asked if anyone was staying for tea? And they both literally just said "no".
Not "no thank you", or anything, just "no".
I said, "ok, well you're both very welcome to stay in you'd like to." Which was met with silence.

So I walked off.

Rude? Or have I just had a bad day at work?

I think people are being brought up without manners now. I find it so strange. A please / thank you should somehow be an automatism by the time they are adults.
I‘ve lived all over and manners in the UK are a cultural phenomenon and frankly it makes me sad that this seems to be dying out. My nieces are in their early twenties and have zero manners - even in very polite company. I get embarrassed for them. I’ve drilled my kids and luckily they aren’t like that. It is not too much to ask for your visitors to treat you with respect and courtesy as you have shown them.

Rude, but the way of the world. Please and Thank You missing from so many interactions.

It's rude. They probably think they're being cool. My DD's 13 year old friends always say please and thank you.

This is exactly my thinking too! Looking back I think my friends' parents must have thought I was awfully rude on many an occasion when I was a teen, when really I was just befuddled trying to work out if what they'd said was a sincere invitation, a coerced invitation, a straight-up enquiry, or a hint to bugger off! No neurodivergence as far as I'm aware, but the same phrase said with the same tone of voice could potentially be any one of those four things.

Its rude. Nothing to do with syndromes.

Kids often pick up whats going on at home and those could be good or bad manners. However, as you know this is not always the case. Kids pick-up stuff from mates and often attracted to likeminded friends

There is a small chance the two visitors were shy or talking something deep or as may be the case (not referring to op) the parents kid has been slagging of their parent/s/step parents etc

Either way, kids are getting rudder IMO possibly down to their mass of interaction on social media and texting as I find texting can result in short responses to the point and no feelings attached to them
Kids could be shy and their "no" came with a tone of many thanks but on the whole, more kids are rude

That poster was asking a question so that she could understand what others do in that senario. She wasn't gaslighting and she was perfectly polite.

If you are trying to convince you understand manners and rudeness better than that poster I'm not sure you are winning...

If it was a question, not an invitation 🙄🙄🙄the polite response was 'No I'm not thank you'

no wasn't polite anyway you cut it

It wasn’t an actual invitation to eat though, it was a query so it is somewhat ambiguous. I’m very hot on good manners and my Gen Z kids both have very good manners. I’m trying to visualise if I were at a friend’s house and their husband walked in and casually asked me if I was staying for dinner - I would probably say, “oh no in fact I’ll be leaving at … “ or something similar, because i wouldn’t assume it was an invitation and saying thank you would make it sound like I did assume that. I wouldn’t just say a blank ‘no’ (even though that’s meant to be a complete sentence?) I’d pad it out with some niceties (but not necessarily a thank you).

Rude, rude, rude.

DDS uni friends would say “hey Terf, how you doing? Tea? Oh no thank you, that’s really kind but we’re all off to xxx soon”

On their way out, a hug and “lovely to see you again”.

Bollox to that.

They seem terribly self absorbed. They’re sitting in the kitchen and their friends parent walks in from work…what do they think is happening at this point ? Probably the kettle going on and then at some point preparation for a meal. The very least they should be doing is answering questions politely even if they can’t muster the nouse to actually proffer a question themselves. If my DD behaved like that I’d be embarrassed

( If you are in any doubt “ are you staying for tea” is a question. For it to be a statement it would need to be “ you’re staying for tea”. )

Also everyone responding has ZERO context of how OP's tone may have come off, usually when people poise a question like that its a passive aggressive way to say 'time for your friends to bugger off so I can eat in peace'.

If they had interpreted it that way the obvious reply would be something like 'Oh no thanks, we're just leaving'.

I guess some of the answers on this thread explain why so many seemingly nice children have no manners.

How hard is it to tag on a please or thank you? Or say sorry if you accidentally hurt/damage/otherwise do something you shouldn't have without realising?

On another thread people are saying just how disgusting and rude it is to touch up make up in a public place - but if you're offered to stay for dinner apparently saying "yes please" or "no thank you" isn't automatic?!

I might be a horrible cunt but at least I mind my Ps and Qs at all turns!

I completely agree.

it was immediately followed up by a clear invitation. “ok, well you're both very welcome to stay in you'd like to." The lazy shits couldn’t even be bothered to say anything to that. But they’ve still got people on here making excuses for them.

it’s a bit rude but it wouldn’t bother me to the point of making a thread on mumsnet, tbh

Bloody rude. It was a kind offer.

Even at much younger than them I was able to remember that my friend's houses were actually my friends' parents' houses and have some manners and actually engage in a small amount of conversation.

They sound badly brought up.

I’d find it rude and my 18 yr olds friends wouldn’t respond like that.

'a222 · Today 14:09
it’s a bit rude but it wouldn’t bother me to the point of making a thread on mumsnet, tbh'

I can see exactly where she is coming from - you question yourself when someone is rude or obnoxious - especially when they are in your home. It's a conversational slap in the face. You want to ask 'Is this where we are at?'

My five year old says "no thank you or yes please" (often is prompted but still says it) every single time I offer her anything from lunch to ketchup with her burger. She always thanks whoever cooked for her or whoever booked a day out or drove us. She does the same in restaurants, cafes and other people's houses.

I would hope by age 19 we won't need to prompt her and it's a reflex.

I can remember being that age myself. I wouldn't dream of not chatting to my friends' parent when I was sitting in their house.

They sound ridiculous. Be thankful they are not yours but impress on your DD this is not acceptable so she behaves better in their houses.

Utterly ridiculous comment.

That was what I thought!

Yes, they might have felt presumptuous to say 'No thanks'. It didn't sound like an invitation.

I walked into that trap with someone who gave me a lift last week. He asked where our house was when we set off, I told him and added 'But don't worry, I can walk from yours, no need to go out of your way.' Response - 'I wasn't going to'. Yes I felt like a twat, he wasn't offering but I assumed he was.

'BardsAreAssholes · Yesterday 18:07

Your enquiry didn’t sound like an invitation, it sounded like a question. They weren’t planning on staying, so responded No.'

You don't get it, or you are pretending not to.
They were guests in the OP's house. A one word answer is not polite or sufficient.
I actually think all these gaslighting, goady replies are from one person with multiple accounts - because I cannot imagine any polite, considerate person excusing this.
You couldn't envisage one person, never mind the few that have made these stupid posts.

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich - don't feel like an idiot - his was the fault for trying to score points off you - he could have simply said 'OK, that's great' whatever his intentions.

@PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich he sounds charming!

To be fair to him, he was just asking where my house was. But obviously in the circumstances I thought he wanted to know so he could drop me there. I rudely assumed, he made it more awkward than it had to be.