is this a bit rude? Or just me?

[iamsoshocked]

Just got home from work, and DD (19 home from Uni) and 2 friends are at the kitchen table. One friend is veggie, the other has allergy to egg.

I came in, said hello, nice to see you again etc, to which they just replied "Hi". Then I asked if anyone was staying for tea? And they both literally just said "no".
Not "no thank you", or anything, just "no".
I said, "ok, well you're both very welcome to stay in you'd like to." Which was met with silence.

So I walked off.

Rude? Or have I just had a bad day at work?

Hello,

The OP is here for support - can we please keep the thread on topic?

Thanks all.

I came in, said hello, nice to see you again etc, to which they just replied "Hi". Then I asked if anyone was staying for tea? And they both literally just said "no".
Not "no thank you", or anything, just "no".

You asked them if anyone was staying for tea, and they responded with “no.” What’s wrong with the reply they gave you? Why on earth would they respond with “no, thank you.” It’s like if you asked them if they were going to the cinema, and they responded with “no, thank you.” It’s not like you explicitly invited them to stay for tea, and so they respond with a “no, thank you.” Their understanding of your question was correct. They’re right. You’re wrong.

They were rude. Simple.

Your charity knows no bounds.

Huh?!

Rude

Well, if they were staying for tea the OP would be making it. If they were going to see a film she wouldn’t be manning the snack bar or scanning in their ticket.

Of course they should say more than no. Not even ‘no thank you ‘ but maybe a ‘ Oh no it’s ok we’re going home in a while.’ Would be better than a blunt ‘no’.
DM always said manners are there so you always know what to say. Basically they are a script. No excuse.

I’m being genuine.

DS2 ‘s and DD’s friends have impeccable manners.

DS1’s friends are socially awkward uber-geeks. They are well meaning but frequently miss social cues and reply bluntly to what they think the question is. A lovely pair of lads at heart, but often come across as brusque.

As a result, my bar for what is rude is based on intent more than phrasing. As they could easily have heard “are you eating here” as the same sort of question as “are you leaving at 4,” an answer of No is fine.

Had OP asked “would you both like to stay for dinner tonight” I agree a flat No would be rude.

Yeah that's not the same at all.

I would've just said oh okay then that's great, I'm going to have a dominoes and a bottle of wine. See how they like that!

They were rude, especially given their age. It might have been that you interrupted an important conversation where they were disagreeing with each other about something but given the behaviour of her friend it's likely that they are just rude.

Ah, yes, I've realised now why I thought it was rude. It was the one word answer.
"No, it's all right thanks" or "oh, no, were going home in a bit", would have been better.

I find one word answers quite abrupt.

Exactly... the correct answer would be "Oh are you sure? that would be lovely!" or "Oh no we're just going, but thanks anyway!"
said with a cheery smile and eye contact.
When my friends used to come round (late 80s), even if my mother made them just a sandwich, you'd have thought it was a cordon bleu meal. Lots of "That was delicious, thank you...oh are you sure you don't want help washing up? "Not in an obsequious way, but friendly and I suppose appreciative!

I think actually the word for this is "sullen". It's not rude per se, but completely joyless and leaves one feeling rather flat

Is this on the wrong thread? Can't see how it was necessary

You asked a question and they answered it. I have worked with young adults, and adults who would hear that as a general question, no as an invitation/offer to stay for tea. If you had said" I'm going to make dinner, would anyone like to stay for tea? " then I would expect them to say no, thank you/ yes please. So, no, I don't think they meant to be rude.

This is the only reasonable comment to excuse rudeness IMO. They could've just been discussing something really emotional for them as a group.

I can't believe people are questioning you on the way you phrased the invite/question OP. Some of the comments made me laugh a little.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all to think they are rude, unless what quoted poster said.

What? The OP said 'Is anyone staying for tea?'. Why does she have to explicitly say first that she is going to make tea? If she's asking if anyone would like tea, surely it's a given that she's going to be making it.

PMSL at the excuses being made for these ill-mannered brats.

I agree with this. If the question had been “would you like to stay for tea?” a “thank you” would be expected in the answer, but “are you staying for tea?” I think is fine to answer just “no”, as it’s not really an invitation, more like someone asking if they are going to have to cater for two more people or not.

Yes, super rude. I have a 20 year old and I'd be embarrassed if she spoke to anyone that way.

It’s rude, and this is my experience of teenagers.

I cannot believe the excuses people making in here for these teenagers

They should have said 'No thank you, Mrs..X., I am not stopping for dinner, but thanks for the invite'.