To feel like life is more hassle than it's worth

[OptimismvsRealism]

Up until now I suppose there have been adventures and new things to try to distract from the fundamental fact that being alive is a great big chore. Endless hoovering and bills.

Don't get me wrong, I'm here now and I'll just see where things go but if you asked me if I'd like to do it all again that would be a big fat non merci from me.

I’m contributing to a thread about a particular topic.

What next, ‘Cheer up love, it might never happen?’

‘You do you love’ - I am.

‘Negative Nancy’. Urgh, how ridiculous.

Great, on a mission, thought so.

You failed.

I read some Evelyn Waugh recently, and he describes something he calls "my dead years". A time when we have too many worries, sorrows, cares and what not, and everything else seems dead because of that, and I thought - this is what I have now, my dead years. So he too knew what's what.

@ThisOrdinaryLife thanks! You've helped me with another of my very mini life goals today which is 'Just One Person'. I realised that part of our discontent is that we think, in these days of social medial followings, that we have to influence thousands or even millions of people to be worth something but often it's about helping 'just one person'. You can't know the effect you are going to have on the world, so doing something that resonates with just one person is enough (great if more join in!)

We had a very lovely neighbour years ago who used to look after us after school sometimes, she used to bake us fun things we didn't have at home (rice crispie cakes!) and take a real interest in all our probably quite boring school stories. She just made me feel better about myself as a little child. Now she wasn't doing anything 'extraordinary' in her life by modern standards, she was on state support caring for her disabled adult son which was a whole job in itself, but I think so fondly of her and her cakes and her voice and just being around her. She's passed away now, but she showed me it was possible to be a perfectly ordinary person making a huge difference in just one other person's life (although she probably touched far more).

So you are my 'person' for today!

God- the mind games you have to play to get through life, even I think they are ridiculous sometimes, but I do feel better for doing them.

There was a point in my mid 40s when there was so much going on, home life, work, relationships - that I completely lost my sense of humour or perspective.

Looking back I realise that now and I'm definitely 10 years on happier and more inclined to think 'fuck it' when something bad happens.

For you I did. For you 😊 Thank goodness you can’t speak for everyone hey! I wish you well, I really do xxxx

Love it ! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼🎶♥️🎉

But surely by having children you are just inflicting the boredom and tedium on someone else!

I find it bizarre that people say that they wouldn't want to do life again, but have children. So surely you must think that life is worthwhile?

Or is having children purely a selfish act of making your own life more interesting?

ODFOD

So your only comeback is fake cursing? That's because you have no argument. Thanks for proving my point so nicely.

@WayOutOfLine It's a real pleasure! I am very happy to be your 'Just One Person' today 😁
Your childhood neighbour sounds very special, and that you treasure those memories still, all these years later, is such a lovely legacy.

@WayOutOfLine nice post, gave me something to think about.

To those using the terms 'Negative Nancy', 'Debbie Downer' etc, don't you see how you yourselves are actively spreading negative feelings? Show a bit of empathy to people who are feeling bleak, don't try and bring them down further.

I don't think that it is negative to point out negativity, no. And it is true that people avoid the relentlessly gloomy. I'm not talking about people who have been bereaved or have a legitimate reason to feel down, but the whole 'life sucks' vibe is very unattractive. I avoid people like that like the plague and so do most other people.

This level of misery in people who won life's lottery living in a developed country like UK and not at war or living with the severe results of climate change is in itself depressing.

Please do not normalise gloom. There is a wider perspective and meaning to things. Help others, if your own life is boring.

@MsLuxLisbon my last post was in fact agreeing with you although it may sound like I was not when I quoted your post.

No, that's fine! I understand your post and I agree with it 100%. I have to say I find all the whining and grouching depressing and a little pathetic. If people are so unhappy, they should DO something about it! If you say 'life sucks' then it will. Life is very largely what you make it. There are people who are in relative poverty who are more content than the very wealthy; by relative poverty, I mean not enough to live lavishly, rather than lacking the necessitates of life.

@MsLuxLisbon who are you to decide what is a "legitimate reason to feel down"? Let people feel how they feel, hopefully they find a way through. Calling them gloomy, that people will avoid them etc isn't the way to be positive and help.

How do you know people here haven't suffered bereavement, loss and illness? You sound like part of the toxic positivity brigade to me.

I keep hearing this term 'toxic positivity' bandied around, and I can't help but feel it is a term used by people who have exhausted their friends' goodwill by their constant moaning and negativity, and are looking for ways to make that the friends' fault rather than their own. I have also suffered bereavement and loss, quite a lot of it, in fact. That doesn't mean that I think that life cannot be beautiful and worthwhile. To coin a cliché, grief truly is the price we pay for love, and there is a difference between legitimate grief and the sort of nihilism displayed by some posters, which stems from depression and an unbalanced brain chemistry.

It will make people avoid them, though. It is quite atavistic, people are drawn to upbeat, positive people, not drippy 'everything sucks' eyeore types.

Depression and unbalanced brain chemistry are legitimate reasons to feel bad you realise.

They are, but they are also treatable with drugs, as I found by trial and error. We are not destined to just put up with depression (obviously, I'm not talking about bipolar or one of the psychoses)