To feel like life is more hassle than it's worth

[OptimismvsRealism]

Up until now I suppose there have been adventures and new things to try to distract from the fundamental fact that being alive is a great big chore. Endless hoovering and bills.

Don't get me wrong, I'm here now and I'll just see where things go but if you asked me if I'd like to do it all again that would be a big fat non merci from me.

Bloody hell that sounds like a twilight zone horror !!!!

I have a little flat

but I’d probably pay for a cleaner if I got a house.

I forget that people do love cleaning and that’s how people make careers out of influencing re cleaning

but no offence, it seems a very odd thing to raise on this thread. If you’d suggested art or music I’d have been less surprised.

I’m glad you like it though.

This is the importance of the Arts. To help us find peace and meaning in our little lives, in this imperfect world.

I have never thought like this because I always think that I can change my life circumstances in some way to bring me happiness. It sounds like you're a square peg in a round hole and that you aren't happy living a life that some other people might enjoy. That's absolutely fine as we are all different, but the question is, what do you want to do? What would make you feel joy and passion for life. Perhaps routine isn't for you and you need to do something more varied to feel excited again.

I also do get ground down by the drudgery, complication and effort-fullness of life. Bored by putting others first as I was brought up to do. ( never seems to have been a phase when others put me first). I did a load of living and traverlling my 20s and 30s, so there isn’t much left that I am genuinely curious about. Perhaps how my kids might turn out. Definitely how my garden will be next year. Perhaps looking forward to some nice time with the cat! Seems very humdrum. Perhaps that is why religion took off!

I’m with you regarding sleep, looking forward to the long one. Complete oblivion.

I couldn't go through life again 🤣 I could think of a million things I'd rather do than do life again!

Maybe it's an autumn baby thing, I'm 37 in October!

One word I'd use to describe life is relentless. Not long after or whilst you're dealing with one thing, another equally rubbish thing pops up. Inbetween that it's working, cleaning, cooking, bills, errands. It doesn't stop and there's not a lot of time for much else. Once our daily jobs are done, we may have time to watch something for an hour, then bed and back up to do it all over again.

Unless something dramatic changed, I wouldn't do it again 😆

My life's been shit and I never even got to do anything fun. I'm now too burned out to try and don't have any money anyway. I've got the next 20 years or so just waiting until it's over. What's the point? I can't even off myself because I'm religious and it's not allowed. I've drawn so many short straws I have shares in the straw factory 🤦🏻‍♀️

It’s a hamster wheel that feels at best ‘meh’ and for the most part hellish.
I don’t like people much anymore either, which doesn’t help. I think being human is absolutely shit and I think I would have preferred my go at life being a dolphin or something.

I wouldn’t mind being reincarnated as a cat owned by me. That would be a fun existence.

@EmeraldRoulette nobody loves cleaning as such - not even cleaners or influencers. But completing a job like hoovering a house makes you feel good for so many reasons - sense of accomplishment, control, gratitude. Op put hoovering in her opening post (and the one after) and that's why I referred to that specifically.
It's little (or big) jobs and challenges (yes, exercise and walks) that improve the way we feel about our lives. Reframing and putting the effort.

Is there anything that you would rather be doing OP? Or do you feel rather 'meh' generally?

I feel the same. I'm going to be 42 in November. Maybe it's all of us early 40s folks born in the autumn that are feeling this?! 😅

Seriously though, I get it. I feel like right now life is just a constant boring routine, mixed with worries about aging parents, a disabled child, the other child who is a crazy toddler with no self preservation right now, spreadsheets (work), cleaning the house constantly, watching TV, eating, sleeping. Rinse repeat. Ugh. Even our holiday the other month was more stressful than relaxing as DC1 was stimming v badly (screeching banging wailing) and we got a noise complaint even though we tried hard to control it, the DC2 (the 2.5 year old) kept running away and one day nearly got hit by a car. I came home and now I'm just back in the normal routine but feel like...what's the point? I think this general apathy feeling is quite common though. I agree that being human sucks. I watched the mammals programme on BBC and would much rather be a big cat or an elephant. We are ruining this planet.

Don't underestimate the power of perimenopause in making you feel this way

I have been through that phase OP. I think its an age thing. You've been an adult for a long time now and it's tiring and boring and you're thinking this is the best I'm going to look and feel cos I'm only getting older. Which is not true at all but there is a sense of being past your prime. A little holiday and a new hobby or better still, new friends would help. Change your routine a bit, take an evening course or consider a career change. Nothing can change until you can make a change.

I always think of the Jack and Diane lyrics 'Oh yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone'. Never a truer word.

I felt like that at your age. Work, childcare and other responsibilities all piled on to make life one big chore. Even the fun stuff took so much arranging it barely felt worth the effort. Over time it passed. My job got easier as I got more senior. My DC needed me less and less, and are now fully independent. I've loads of time for myself and my money is my own. I go at my own pace, do as I please and prioritise my pleasure, relaxation and convenience, so theres way more good parts to my day than not, and the purpose and point of my life is to enjoy them.
Hold fire OP, there's light at the end of the tunnel.

Everything isn't perimenopause!!!!! God that annoys me it feels like just another way of batting away any feeling or thought a woman over 35 might have.

I've never liked being alive I just used to have an idea that the future might resolve things. Well, this is the future and it hasn't.

Holidays are a change of scenery I guess.

I am actually very depressed at the moment so understand the feeling that life is potholed by fuckwits and that some parts of it feel relentless (especially get the feeling that a pp talked about how some people just come along and ruin your day out of nowhere!) but there is still joy in life. I really love nature so maybe that is helpful to me, but even something as small as flowers or grass and fresh air feel marvellous to me (except with the depression that wonderfulness makes me cry so I need to sort that out). My cat is a tiny miracle to me, I could truly stare at her all day!

Find the joy.

Yes life is a hassle. But we have a much better experience than every other animal. Just to put things in perspective

I have two cats and I try to live my life like them! They eat, sleep, play and get (copious amounts of) attention. That's their lives and they're happy. They're not looking for meaning or asking "is this it?".

So I get up each day, do what I need to do. If I get to do something fun on that particular day then great. Otherwise I just carry on, then sleep, then it's another day. No point analysing it. In my experience, too much reflection leads to depression. For me anyway. So I just live in the moment.

I can find things to make it tolerable but not things to make the balance worthwhile. I don't understand how humans have lasted this long - imagine how much worse it was pre-sewerage!

I've never really considered myself an overly opimosic perosn butt I feel like fucking Tigger when I read threads like this.

I am 46 and things I am looking forward to in the few weeks - going to a night where we will see one of one favourite DJs play, the a wedding of a good but less seen friend where I am going to wear a lovely skirt I bought recently, going to one of our favourite parts of France for a holiday.

Hell, I can find things to look forward to in the next few days - cooking Kung Po pork for dinner tonight, watching the next episode of a Netflix series I have been waiting for, potting out my tomato plants at the weekend.

Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.

lawnseed
My life's been shit and I never even got to do anything fun. I'm now too burned out to try and don't have any money anyway. I've got the next 20 years or so just waiting until it's over. What's the point? I can't even off myself because I'm religious and it's not allowed. I've drawn so many short straws I have shares in the straw factory 🤦🏻‍♀️
Doesnt have to cost anything, can you not go to a beach or a park or something? Join a local club in something you thought sounded interesting? Can you go to an art class or something? (There’s free and cheap community classes around if you look for them)

Good for you, tiggz!

I can see that the only answer lies in contentment but I'm not. It's so much bloody work. So much dealing with other people, who are sometimes incredibly unpleasant. I'm always waiting for what's next to relieve the discomfort of right now.