To feel like life is more hassle than it's worth

[OptimismvsRealism]

Up until now I suppose there have been adventures and new things to try to distract from the fundamental fact that being alive is a great big chore. Endless hoovering and bills.

Don't get me wrong, I'm here now and I'll just see where things go but if you asked me if I'd like to do it all again that would be a big fat non merci from me.

What's changed in your life from previous distractions and adventures to now not having them?

Hoover less?

Spend the time gained on enjoyable things.

No future possibilities for adventure and new things? There are new things you can learn and experience even if you have to do it around the hoovering.

Well there isn't really anything else so....

Ha I actually don't hoover very often it's more of a hypothetical annoyance but I do hate the day to day HASSLE of everything. Things going wrong unexpectedly. And so many aggro-landmine people out there (you know the kind - you're out minding your own business and BOOM day ruined for no good reason).

I just think I've done everything I was curious about. I'm 43 in September. No kids so I could jack it all in but for what.

I feel like another species sometimes because I don't understand the enthusiasm for being for its own sake.

I agree, one life is enough for me. Too many stresses, disappointments and expenses. But never too old for a new adventure to make the most of the one life we do have, sounds like you're in a rut OP and need a plan.

I hear you OP. I've done a lot of fun stuff though.

if I can be arsed, I'm going to put the Keats quote on the wall "much have I travelled" etc

but I can't be arsed to sort design, print, frame etc 😂

sorry for a mad messy edited post!

I often feel like this. Like why are we here? What’s it all for? Just odd. Quite deep for a Wednesday afternoon but it’s always something I think about. What is our purpose? Just to pro create, then die?

Wow OP, I had this exact rant to my partner last night, practically word for word. I'm 43 in October.

Just what is the point of adulthood? It's just stress and bills and boring work and tax returns and cleaning. For what?

My life has no joy in it at the moment and the biggest problem is I don't know what I want to do. I feel lost and bored.

High five fellow autumn baby! I'm starting to see why people go on psychedelic retreats in middle age. But I bet they bring hassle too!

I'd like to feel swept along in something wonderful.

But instead I'll probably just update this spreadsheet.

But hoovering, doing your little jobs, do give you a boost of the feel good hormone and is what makes your life full of more joys than downs.

So, do hoover. Even though clearly the thought of it puts you off.

Yeah I get it OP, I feel a bit like ‘what next?’ because I’ve done marriage, babies, forever home and it’s great but there must be something else now instead of just waiting for retirement (I’m 40 so a long way away) or else what’s the point?

They definitely don't!! I knew I was missing a human bit. We're supposed to enjoy it?

I like being asleep, that's great stuff.

@justtryingg I definitely don’t get any feel good hormones from those tasks. I do from exercise but not from domestic chores. Have you got a magic hoover? 😂

Yeah waiting for retirement and then what! Declining health and not even the dubious anchoring purpose of work!

I'm neurodivergent, physically disabled and perimenopausal and on bad days could write the same as you 😂 on good days I still have curiosity about how things will go plus having DC and worthwhile work gives me a reason to hang in there until I feel like I create more burden than benefit.

Ugh. I know you mean well with this, and I knew this thread would draw these types of comment, but doesn't the idea that life amounts to a marginal win of small joys over tedious shite just make you want to scream?

I mean, I do all this stuff - go on walks every morning, appreciate nature, have a bath, eat good food, take joy in the small things, blah, blah blah. But in the end, it's just the same routine of small joys vs small stresses, over and over again. It's so bloody boring.

doesn't the idea that life amounts to a marginal win of small joys over tedious shite just make you want to scream?

The way I see it, it's all just biochemistry. Feel good hormones vs lack of them.
Sleep is definitely top of my list too.

I don't feel like that at all and I'm 42, but everyone's circumstances are different. I love travelling and am lucky that I can get away for several a year.

If you like travelling could you take time off work or quit and go on an adventure.

I have a house! And after cleaning I have a clean house. Feels good.

Yes, so you hoover, you get a good night's sleep, you wake up feeling great, and then what? Hoover again?

Really?

@TheLeadbetterLife what I'm saying is if you don't hoover (or sleep) you feel worse than you would if you did.

I completely agree. Maybe I just have extremely bad luck, but I feel like life is just a series of good things coming in your life and then those things being taken away from you.

I was renting a flat where I really enjoyed living and felt like home - had to move out because the landlord was moving his daughter in.

I had an amazing friend who felt like a sister - she completely changed during covid, like she had a personality transplant.

I was volunteering in a DV charity, feeling really fulfilled that I'm doing something useful - the charity gets a new manager who is an a-hole...

I can go on and on with examples, it's constant.

Then also add to that the fact that we spend the majority of our life at work making some rich man richer and doing chores, it's all just a slog and I don't see the point in putting in effort.

Yes, I agree with you, but it still adds up to "is this it?", even if you feel you're just about winning on points with the small dopamine hits.

I remember someone once saying to me “Wouldn’t you love the chance to live your life over again? You can’t change anything but just have the chance to go back and do it all again”. I replied “Absolutely not, I can’t think of anything worse! It’s been a battle getting through it all once!”

He was really genuinely shocked that I felt that way, whereas I couldn’t understand anyone wanting to do it twice!