To feel like life is more hassle than it's worth

[OptimismvsRealism]

Up until now I suppose there have been adventures and new things to try to distract from the fundamental fact that being alive is a great big chore. Endless hoovering and bills.

Don't get me wrong, I'm here now and I'll just see where things go but if you asked me if I'd like to do it all again that would be a big fat non merci from me.

Mate, let me tell you a secret - that is all anyone does.

We get through the boring stuff by looking forward to the nice stuff.

It always feels kind of terrible to say this but I'm hoping I will die relatively young. I'm currently 45 so not in my youth by any means but the thought of getting old under the current care system fills me with horror.

I have one severely disabled adult child who is now settled and happy where he is. I don't have any other kids or any relatives who will be particularly bothered about me. I'm chronically ill and single. I'm living for the day but I'm not invested in living a long life.

I think you can be at a point when all of that seems meaningless too. I went through a stage of feeling nothing about anything. Small pleasures or big. In fact I'd have read your post with amazement that those things could possibly make someone happy. I remember once over hearing colleagues talk about their great weekends, BBQs, one had been to a concert, and thinking how can that be enough to make you happy? Turned out I was actually depressed and needed some help.

I think I would be diagnosed as depressed but I'm not. I just don't think life is worth it. We randomed in here and one day we'll random out.

@OptimismvsRealism does nothing at all bring you any pleasure/enjoyment?

I know what you mean OP - life is 95% drudgery and tedium and only about 5% fun and frolics. What's really depressing is watching my teenage kids, so full of hopes and dreams, start to realise this.

@OptimismvsRealism thank you for pointing out that everything isn’t peri. It’s insane the obsession some MNers have with that.

@existentialpain I understand. I’m also puzzled by what seems like a medical obsession with avoiding death at all costs. My mother has regular hassle from the NHS about tests and procedures she doesn’t want. Her side of the family have scary, scary longevity - but you can’t say that in real life.

I heard - after his death - that Paul O’Grady was blunt about not wanting to make old bones. I’d argue that he kind of did make old bones, but some people are speechless with horror if you make that comment even on an anonymous forum.

Gird yourself, I had a massive go at my parents when I took my first ADs decades ago!

I think you may have a point. We are just insignificant motes of dust in an infinite universe. I rather think this why faith and the afterlife was invented for people who were having similar thoughts.

But as I get older I take more pleasure in smaller things (I'm in my 50s), at planning for not working and having more time to do things for me (not hoovering) and also I have plans for some excitements before I die....

@OptimismvsRealism I have found a book called Callings by Gregg Levoy quite helpful in trying to get more of a sense of purpose. I feel similar. Since it costs the same to me to try and feel good and not to feel good, I try to feel good ifyswim. My strategy is to try to do more of the things that really make me feel good, e.g. making ppl laugh, helping people, being outside, whatever. Each time you make the choice to do something that points you the right way, you are a tiny step on the right path. However I do get you that adulting just sucks, just all the jobs. I would have hoped digitalisation would have got rid of so much of it but I think we're at an in between phase. For me, feeling like I have helped someone or even made them laugh in their own struggles makes me feel like my life is not totally wasted.

Same here. As much as I love my little family, the things that happened to me before I had them means I would not want to do it all again. Too much trauma and sadness to ever want to repeat. 😪

That person was obviously lucky enough not to have had a really terrible life then because if they had there's no way they would want to go back and do it all again. I certainly wouldn't.

*not everything is perimenopause

Absolutely true, but it does have a huge effect for some people. Including me, and I'm the same age.

FFS, no wonder you're unhappy if you're this bloody grumpy the whole time.

I feel like this too OP. I’m 44 and have felt like it the last 2 years or so. It seems a lot of others on this thread of a similar age to us feel it too so perhaps it’s hormonal…I hope so as then perhaps I’ll snap out of it eventually!

Everything is just so unrelenting and everytime throughout life I’ve felt like I’m in a good place then something goes wrong or changes and it never lasts. E.g. work, relationships, friendships. It’s just a big long tedious hassle.

My 40s were my toughest decade by a long way. If given a choice of that again or being the ripe old age of 55, there is no way I'd swap. If someone in their 50s had told me that life got better I'd have said 'As if. It'll be just the same only I'll be old as well' but that hasn't proved to be the case at all. It's been like stepping into the light. I hope all you struggling 40 somethings experience the same.

@BigDahliaFan ”I rather think this why faith and the afterlife was invented for people who were having similar thoughts.”

but people like us would be terrified if we thought there was an afterlife? Confused by this one.

I've never agreed so much with every word an OP has said. It's why I've never wanted to have children. I couldn't inflict this on someone.

I often say this to people and get a ' look ' !
I don't think many people think like this , but I admit that I do.
It sometimes feels pointless.

Just as everything isn't perimenopause, anything other than rapt agreement isn't being "grumpy".

I find joy in nature honestly taking an icy sunrise SeaDip sure wakes you up gives a zing. Can you change where you live to explore somewhere new?

If you don't believe in religion and a divine plan, it is pointless because its a random occurance, not something that was done by someone for a reason with a goal in mind. So here we are, for no higher purpose or reason. And that's probably just something to just accept and work from there, deciding to spend our pointless time alive creating meaning in small ways, making ourselves and others as happy as we can. Might as well do that as not.

Enjoy life ignore judgement

I'm here for the stories. Those of the people in my family/at work/random encounters and all of the (real and fictional) stuff from strangers. I love film, TV and music and there's so much I still want to watch/read!

I don't recognise this. I'm 51 and still have a long list of things I'm dying to do. Finish this book and let the idea for the next one swim up. Live in Iceland for a year. Go the the US and actually stand under my agoraphobic friend's window in Boston until he opens it (it's exactly 20 years since I saw him in the flesh). Finish renovating the house. Do a degree in art history. See who my 12 year old turns into. Make more friends. See a lot of opera.

Maybe it's because I never vacuum. We haven't had a working vacuum for the best part of a year, and the house hasn't fallen down.

And yes, this too! So much still to read/see/hear!