Are weddings actually seriously uncool? Naff as anything?

[comoatoupeira]

Light-hearted! This is about taste and fashion and society, not about the institution of marriage or the spirituality of the wedding ceremony.

Just reading the thread about the bridezilla who wants her sister to change her haircolour to be her bridesmaid, just the ultimate in deranged and self centered behaviour.

I've been having these twinge thoughts in the back of my mind for a while now, and I'm finally putting it out there: are weddings "over", meaning that they are actually naff and bad taste now?

What I mean is the classic wedding: overdone and over-achieving bride, matching bridesmaids in pastel satin, expensive everything. Men in expensive tailoring but who manage to not look elegant?

I think elopement and queer (in the academic sense) ways of getting married are in? Or just quietly in the registry office and then a party?

Taste arbiters, tell me your thoughts!

Yeah, I know what you mean! It all appears so overdone and clichéd, the matching everything, fussing about chair covers, all that nonsense! Though a lot of people don't have weddings like that. Many are much more relaxed.

I think everyone should have the wedding they want and not go around judging others.

Agree totally. With luck I will never have to attend one of the blasted things again.

Most weddings I've been to have felt bad taste. The general vibe is always "look how much money I have, aren't you so lucky to have been invited to such a fabulous day out" 😆

It's funny you say that. I work in the industry so see a LOT of weddings and I was actually thinking the other day how naff much of it is. Even the tasteful ones. The amount of waste is distasteful to me too. Everyone still.loves a good wedding though and it's a massive industry so I do t think they'll be stopping in their current form any time soon.

Matthew 7 verse 1: "Judge not lest ye be judged."

They have got very OTT, yes. But you can not beat a very tasteful, traditional wedding without all the Instagram bollox like matching dressing gowns and flip-flops for dancing and cherished dances and week long hen dos that cost 3 grand to attend.

I think this on the whole, which is why I'm glad I probably won't have to go to anymore. It's the huge second weddings I especially don't get (and rarely attend for that reason).

OK then follow-up question: what kind of wedding would you like to go to? Or would you rather just go to a party? Or is it important to see the vows?
Or does the whole thing need to be scrapped and redesigned from the ground up?

I've seen in the past a phrase "industrial wedding" meaning one where the couple seem to have been completely sucked in by the wedding industry, and have all the things that are in the mags/websites. And they're very same-y

The wedding industry just wants you to buy more Stuff, much of which just won't be appreciated. And it also seems to promote the idea of feeding your guests at times when people generally aren't socialised to eat, and/or leaving long gaps without refreshment.

The best weddings I've been to reflect the actual families (the "best" version of the sort of party they like) rather than another repeat of what's in the glossies

Yep. Every terribly traditional and buttoned up wedding I've been to has been less fun that the eclectic ones.

The friend who wore no shoes, a home made dress, crown of daisies and got married in the registry office had a do where the dad's had done a booze cruise to France and we all got pissed in the garden - that's a massive favourite.

The friends who got the local Scouts (groom was a Scout leader) to put up their huge tents in a family owned orchard. We all camped there, fancy portaloos provided, the local pub provided barrels of beer and the couple covered all food and drink including BBQ bacon butties for breakfast for the campers. Wedding was v traditional but the after part was fabulous.

I like to think mine wasn't stuffy either 😂

Industrial wedding, that's good. Not as in "industrial chic"! But as in a wedding produced by the wedding industry.

Love these!

I think people are dialing it down a bit which is hardly surprising giving the cost of living crisis. Best weddings I have been to are the lower key events without absurd table decorations, chair covers, horse and carriage, army of bridesmades, silly themes and over the top venues.

I don’t disagree. We just went down to the local register office in jeans. DH bought me flowers from a little flower stall outside. Then we went for tapas with our witnesses. It was a lovely, low-key day.

Agreed.

I think it's a shame if people go into debt to pay for an OTT wedding.

I think it's really, really great that everyone can do what they want to do these days and work with their own taste and budget. From a simple registry office and lunch to a three day extravaganza in an exotic destination.

But I do think there is something especially lovely about a traditional church-and-marquee wedding - especially if you're blessed with blue skies and sunshine.

Favours, the over-sized letters spelling LOVE, matching dressing gowns, lots of signs - saying things like 'Take a seat not a side' etc - are not to my taste though. I think a lot of money is probably being spent on this sort of stuff.

I agree - I think super traditional is a solid bet, with modest (if any) hen - catered afternoon tea at the home of the bride, for instance, with zero attempt to be “unique”.

The last couple of weddings I’ve been to have been really unfussy, though. One in Greece where I suspect the bride & groom weren’t allowed near anything (they live in London so were out of the way) and the groom’s mother put on a polished, traditional, upmarket-leaning Greek wedding, and another in London which was very friend-heavy and was a simple exchange of vows followed by a dinner & party in a laid back venue, with absolutely none of the things that I associate with what the OP is talking about (and I do agree with the OP).

So it’s definitely possible to do it right. If the focus is on marriage and then a great guest-focussed party, and not on having an American Midwest “I’ve been best friends with all 14 of my utterly indistinguishable bridesmaids in pistachio tulle that I made them pay for themselves since high school” Pinterest event, then a wedding can still be fantastic fun.

I got married before Pinterest was invented, for better or worse!

I don’t like weddings. Boring as fuck as a guest for me. I couldn’t face it as a bride.

We got married on our own and it was lovely. No regrets.

Yes I agree with you! A relative of mine got married last year and while in the classic sense of a wedding it was lovely, the flowers everywhere, table name list thing, dress, band etc but actually in terms of it being 2023 it felt really dated!

I love the small, registry office weddings we are seeing more of with the bride in a short dress etc.

Maybe the fact that families aren’t as big and close as they were is something to do with it too.

Low budget ones are always most fun! One was a ceilidh in a barn - great fun, and another was a handfasting in a field, followed by sit where you want buffet. Both lovely and inexpensive. Mine was Vegas on a whim 25 years ago and cost about £300 which included a video and 10 photos!

Totally agree, whilst not engaged me and my partner have discussed our ideal wedding.

Outside marque in a big field, ceremony over in 20 minutes then itll just be a family fun day. Get a bouncy castle for the kids, mobile food vans, ice cream van, mobile bar, Local singer/ DJ later.

No speeches, no first dance, no cake cutting, leave whenever you want - no pressure, just fun!

I'm not saying I don't like them or don't enjoy them, I'm just saying they feel dated

I think most brides want a perfect day and some of them get a bit carried away and engage in crazy behaviour demanding that their guests (or bridesmaids) do x, y and z. And there's a whole industry dedicated to fuelling this behaviour because it generates significant income.

The reality is that most weddings are a bit dull for the average guest who is not part of the bridal party. Been to one, been to them all. Nobody is going to notice (or remember) the matching chair covers or the colours of the bridesmaids' dresses or the wedding favours or whatever. But I wouldn't say any of this to any bride planning their wedding because I remember how excited I was planning my own and I wouldn't like to rain on their parade.

Jia Tolentino write about this in Trick Mirror, her collection of essays a few years ago. She used the term wedding industrial complex, iirc?

Here it is on radio 4: https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p07sq4b2

I mean I think the trends have moved on, so people who have very traditional church/country manor weddings, in a ballgown with prom queen hair and a tiara, with red carpet aisle, photobooth, candelabra or massive white floral centrepieces ('floating on mirrored plinths - the worst!) with matching bridesmaids and classic white/red florals do look naff and dated IMO. But there are many ways to have a wedding, it's not big wedding versus elopement. There are barn weddings, marquee weddings, industrial chic etc. We had 7 weddings last year (one was ours) and by the end it did seem like a big production line. 5 were in similar venues, obviously package deals, and they're so samey.

ETA - we're Scottish, so I don't think big Scottish weddings are going anywhere. They're usually good fun regardless of tackiness