Are weddings actually seriously uncool? Naff as anything?

[comoatoupeira]

Light-hearted! This is about taste and fashion and society, not about the institution of marriage or the spirituality of the wedding ceremony.

Just reading the thread about the bridezilla who wants her sister to change her haircolour to be her bridesmaid, just the ultimate in deranged and self centered behaviour.

I've been having these twinge thoughts in the back of my mind for a while now, and I'm finally putting it out there: are weddings "over", meaning that they are actually naff and bad taste now?

What I mean is the classic wedding: overdone and over-achieving bride, matching bridesmaids in pastel satin, expensive everything. Men in expensive tailoring but who manage to not look elegant?

I think elopement and queer (in the academic sense) ways of getting married are in? Or just quietly in the registry office and then a party?

Taste arbiters, tell me your thoughts!

I think you have a point the trad stuff is a bit Four Weddings and a Funeral. I’ve been to one like FWAAF and it was fun insome ways as so indulgent so had amazing meal, a Jazz band for the afternoon as well as a disco at night.

My own wedding day was at a registry office but not our nearest one, one near a castle so that the photos looked good. Our reception was at a beach side cafe thata famous musician used to own And we hired the whole thing, had a disco but the DJs were student sons of my DH’s colleague so they were young and brilliant and cheap. DH is also related to a member of a 90s band and they do a few songs for us. We had ice cream as next to the sea and it was original thing to do back then. We decorated the cafe ourselves and hired a side Marquee, my dress was my Mum’s 1960’s one and was chic and fitted well. I did my own make up but bought some expensive stuff, I actually bought my flowers for me and my little bridesmaids (my 4 year old DD and he cousin) at the City station the night before and told the florist that they were for my wedding the next day and she gave me the bridesmaids’ flowers for free, she was utterly gobsmacked that I’d left the flowers until 6.30 the night before my wedding! All these things made the wedding fairly reasonable so about £4000 in the end. Biggest cost being the hiring of the beach cafe. I think it wasn’t naff but then again I would wouldn’t I.

My DD is getting married next year and it's going to be pretty low key. No speeches, no first dance, only inviting immediate family and close friends etc.
We haven't broken the news to a lot of the extended family yet and there will be a row, I guarantee it. They are expecting a big Church wedding with rows of little cousins as bridesmaids and a massive party with all the traditions afterwards. But that's not what DD and her partner want and I fully support them doing things their way. In my youth the options were basically Church or registry office but there's so many different places you can get married now and I don't think anyone should be obliged to follow traditions they don't want. But equally, if a couple want a big traditional wedding and can afford it, why not?

I want a gothic wedding in a black dress in a Scottish castle at midnight. Shooting the next day. Big meal. Go home.

We had speeches as my Dad was looking forward to it and it was very touching. My friend makes cakes and made me one as a present.

Weddings that are timeless and fun nd tend to be enjoyed involve:

• lots of friends and family
• photographs (for future reminiscing)
• start early, canapés and drinks between ceremony and meal while photos taken
• sit down meal with table plan so guests don't have to think where to go
• good ceilidh
• cheesy disco so everyone gets a dance
• goes on till late
• ends with 500 miles and then Loch Lomond

Weddings that are naff generally have

• colour themes for guests
• attempts at being quirky or unique like barefoot brides or force their guests into yurts as accommodation
• buffets

If you try and fight against what weddings are, they end up naff. Weddings are a little about the ceremony but mostly a way of getting your friends and family in one place for a big fun cheesy dancing party.

I went to a wedding a couple of weeks ago. Two women, festival feel with outdoor games, fire pit, folk band, very child-friendly and relaxed. A friend made the cake. The couple had put a lot of thought into every detail and it wasn't low budget by any means but it was quite DIY/lots of friends pitched in and contributed.

I have no idea if it was cool but we all had a brilliant time.

Now that I would relish an invite to.

I’ve been to lots of weddings, big, small, traditional, informal
and one very memorable 4 day affair in the US. To be honest I’ve loved them all for different reasons. Perhaps it’s because we haven’t been to any recently, so maybe times have changed, but I didn’t find any of them naff or over the top.

I love being invited to a wedding! Haven’t got any on the horizon and I do feel that they may by dying out a little now. In the last 6 months I know 2 couples who have just quietly eloped - one couple saving money for a house and the other are in their 50’s, never married before and couldn’t be arsed with the fuss.
The fripperies are wasted on me, I don’t care about favours, don’t notice flowers fitting in with colour schemes and table cloths, I just like socialising with people I rarely see, wearing a nice dress and staying in a fancy hotel!
Not planning on getting married myself, can’t be arsed 😂
And I absolutely flipping love an abroad hen do!

Our wedding was "traditional" in the sense that there was the ceremony, photos, food and a party. I wore a dress, the guys were in suits.

I had my sister as a maid of honour, in a dress she chose but matched in with the general tone (yellows but any shade). Then my aunt and SILs in whatever dresses they wanted were also part of things. We had a BBQ because that's what we like, instead of a wedding breakfast. There was a bouncy castle. Kids were absolutely allowed. My uncle turned up in jeans. We had music we liked rather than romantic music. I had gerberas because they're my favourites, as well as cheap and cheerful, rather than roses. Pudding was Krispy Kreme donuts cos we love them. We celebrated my aunt's birthday as it was close by too.

The evening was our wedding cake (made entirely of cheese because we both hate sponge and buttercream) and then a buffet of meats/breads/salad. Because that's food we like to eat and not because it's "wedding food".

Everything was very relaxed, we asked for no presents and just wanted our loved ones to celebrate with us. We paid for everything, nothing on cards, no debt and kept it simple.

We did this because that's who we are, but so many people commented about how it's the best wedding they've attended.

I know people who are still paying off their formal, massive, flashy weddings over a decade later. And some of those are no longer together.

I completely agree with this. Weddings are extremely uncool. All the clever, cool and interesting people I know simply don’t get married OR have a registry office ceremony followed by a meal/ drinks somewhere.

'We did this because that's who we are, but so many people commented about how it's the best wedding they've attended.'

I'm sure it was a lovely day, but I have said this ^ and not entirely meant it. It's a thing lots of people do.

I had a wedding and attended ones that predates all this rubbish today. Week long abroad hen dps, destination weddings, bridezillas, etc.
We also catered for whole families and elderly, kept costs down to accommodate everyone and still had the best weddings. Lucky I don't know anyone getting married soon/ again because I won't attend these circus type weddings.

Most fun wedding I went to was where the bride and groom walked across the road to the church.

All the guests bought something to eat so a MASSIVE buffet with something for every taste/diet.

The hen do was a party at their home where we decorated the house and the men did the garden.. and the reception was a barn dance with the only real expense was the band and caller .. barn dance was a fab idea as all ages could join in and feel part of it from aged two to 88 years old.

No children excluded. They were very much part of it and lived the communal dancing .

Dresses and Grooms party clothes sourced from a charity shop with a specialist wedding section. Whole thing including church fees less than £1500 for over 80 guests. The flowers came from peoples gardens and booze a plenty as 'a plate of your choice and a bottle soft or alcoholic was the request instead of presents .

This was 3 years ago and still haven't been to a better , more fun or stress free wedding since. There wasn't a chair wearing a 'dress' in sight . Absolutely perfect just like it used to be. Everyone pitched in and made it a day to remember.

A wedding I once caught a glimpse of has always been a favourite - bride and groom had been married in the village church then they walked through the village, down the middle of the road, followed by a raggle taggle procession of guests, to end up in a field where there was a marquee set up. It just looked so much fun to see them holding hands walking through the village like that and they really looked as if they were enjoying themselves!

"Just reading the thread about the bridezilla who wants her sister to change her haircolour to be her bridesmaid...."

Don't suppose anyone has the link to this.. asking for a friend

There was a bouncy castle. Kids were absolutely allowed. My uncle turned up in jeans. We had music we liked rather than romantic music. I had gerberas because they're my favourites, as well as cheap and cheerful, rather than roses. Pudding was Krispy Kreme donuts cos we love them. We celebrated my aunt's birthday as it was close by too

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos That genuinely sounds like a wedding that was about everyone enjoying themselves not just 'me, me I tell you, meeeee'

I know people who are still paying off their formal, massive, flashy weddings over a decade later. And some of those are no longer together.

😲 Can it leave you with such long range debt? Gosh. That is ridiculous.

On a personal level I don't like the formulaic nature of most weddings. However I am honoured to be invited and go with the flow of whatever the B+G have chosen to do on the day. I've always enjoyed them to an extent, but honestly am happy to escape to bed half an hour after the music starts. No one misses me, no one!

Family weddings are the best. Everyone knows everyone in the respective families and chat and fun are easy. It's not so comfortable (for me) to be seated at a table with strangers (weddings of friends) and trying to keep up a convo when I don't know them and have little in common with them. I tend to avoid those weddings now but give a generous gift and good wishes. Nobody (seems to!) mind or take it personally either.

Have to say the best wedding I was at was my niece's. Hotel ceremony, gorgeous spot, early at 11.30am, followed by a long lavish lunch. They fecked off about 5pm for their honeymoon flight (which was what couples usually did back in the old days lol), and left the wedding gang with a free bar for as long as they wanted to stay. Perfect. Home at 7pm.

@DysonSphere

Yes, that's all we wanted, was to have a great time with other people having a great time. We don't party, we're not flashy, we don't do glam. We debated doing the registry or eloping but what we both wanted was our families and friends together.

And yes, some weddings run into many 10s of 1000s, I've been to some of them. They were very nice, very formal, every detail thought of. But not necessarily comfortable or relaxed or fun.

This

Don't think I've ever been to a wedding you describe. Matching satin bridesmaids - definitely out! Not one wedding had more than a couple little girls. Women seem t favour more simple sleek wedding dresses. Easy on the lace and certainly not voluminous. Trend for inviting just for evening do during a death too.

I'm getting remarried this year. We will be 52 and 57. We have 4 grown kids between us. Didn't want a church or registry office, couldn't elope or go abroad. We have booked a city hotel and are married there at 4pm and straight into evening party with a hog roast. Couldn't think of anything worse than a reception breakfast or whatever you call them and finger sandwiches although I am having a plain ivory wedding dress, 2 bridesmaids (daughters) and suited men and a photobooth because ive been to parties with 1 and enjoyed the silliness of it...but for us I feel it's still quite informal-ish. I have no demands of anyone. Wear what you like and come as you please. Just have a good time while you're here.

My parents married in 1973 at Westminster registry office. There are about 10 guests, my mum is wearing a silk floral mini dress her sister sewed and my dad is seriously channelling a young Mick Jagger. Apparently afterwards, they all went to a curry house in Bond Street.

I got married in a traditional country wedding, with a ceilidh band, traditional ivory gown, marquee in the garden, church with bellringers et cetera

Ours’ was a wonderful wedding but my parents’ wedding photos make them look about a million times cooler!

I was bridesmaid at a not-so-close friend's wedding and it was soul destroying. The wedding party before were leaving as we arrived and it was like being on a wedding conveyor belt. The staff were so bored. The speeches were boring. The food was boring. The everyone looks shit and is drunk dancing was boring.
The bride was stressed out all day.
I am still unmarried and I blame that wedding!