WIBU to cancel holiday?

[Booklover20]

Me and my partner were invited to a ‘friends’ wedding abroad last year.
The invite seemed like a second thought as the bride was struggling for guests and also bridesmaids. I used to work with the bride 4 years ago and kept in contact and meet up for a coffee every now and then, we aren’t close.
i accepted the invite and agreed to being a bridesmaid but it’s caused me nothing but stress, the MOH is horrid and I have had nasty messages from both MOH and MOB,
they are dictating things even down to the colour of my toe nails.
the holiday has cost me and my partner £2.6K which is a lot of money as we’re currently saving for a house.
the hens do was this weekend which I cancelled on and was laid to send £50 for a contribution to food even though I wasn’t going (I still paid for my place etc which I didn’t mind doing) I had to cancel as the stress and awful messages caused me to end up in hospital with the stress of everything giving me blood clots and severe migraines.
i am considering cancelling the holiday as the messages I have received this morning about nail colour have tipped me over the edge, I know I will lose a friendship over this although I don’t really care and wouldn’t miss this friendship either.
i can get £2.2k back and put it in my house deposit pot.
so AIBU to cancel my holiday and not be a bridesmaid in a friends wedding.
ps the wedding is in September

'Matching toenails'.

I've heard it all now.

And block...

That's taking Bridezilla-ness to the next level!

No wonder she's struggling for guests! Does she have any actual friends?

Well done to you. Anyways if you have had blood clots flying to Greece is probably a bit off limits for now. They sound a right bunch! Wonder what the bride and bridegroom to be think of rules about what to wear on beach etc maybe no speedos for men 😂

So the professional muted colour nail polish job wasn’t even for the wedding, it was just for the beach? Where they were also telling you what kind of bikini you were allowed to wear??

Well done for cancelling and blocking, you’ve been so strong and done the right thing! And not lost loads of money in the grand scheme of £4K. No wonder the bride doesn’t have many guests or bridesmaids, I wonder if anyone pulled out before you did

No wonder they are struggling for guests. Embarrassing!

Have an extra special day, the day of the wedding.

well done
go and get your nails painted neon orange to celebrate

(or any vivid colour you fancy, I'm not dictating😎)

Matching toenails is bloody bonkers, I honestly can't imagine trying to micro manage people that carefully just because I'm getting married 😂
Who actually cares if the maid of honours toes match the mother of the bride or whatever?!
Talk about giving yourself stress for the sake of it .
I just wanted my friends and family there, not worry about their toenails lol

If someone tried to dictate what my toe nail colour ought to be for non-opened toed shoes, you'd have to physically restrain me from putting my feet to better effect in kicking them repeatedly up the arse. Well done, OP. They sound like people you could never tire of slapping.

I tend to feel sorry for the brides in these situations as it's usually not them behaving badly but the dreadful people they've put in charge. However they picked them so I guess they have to be accountable for that.
Things like nail varnish and bikinis I would take great pleasure in ignoring and wearing what I liked anyway. And if anyone questions it at the time you get the joy of saying directly to them 'is it really an issue?'
I would not take kindly to having the whole week dictated to me. I'd probably expect a few group activities like meals and maybe a spa session to prepare for the wedding hut after that I'd want the remainder of the holiday to myself.
But since you weren't bothered about going anyway I think you've done the right thing to cancel and save yourself the money.
I just think people like this need to be stood up to not cowered away from. They are part of the wedding party, nothing more. They don't get to bully you into doing what they think you should be doing when you've spent your hard earned cash simply to be there.
The cheek is alarming and should be called out.

If you & your partner thought that it would make a nice holiday & that you would just attend the wedding I can almost see how you agreed to it.

But realistically, more than a grand for someone else's wedding would always be a no for me!

not even open toe

just gets more batshit

did she ever reply

Well done OP.

Big group nights out are bad enough, I can't imagine being bossed around for a whole week.
My adult DD has mild ASD, when faced with events like this, she says "No Thank you, I don't want to". 😁

Wishing you a swift recovery.

Are you quite mad? I think someone else even THINKING about my toenails is an intrusion too far, let alone telling me what to do with them.

If any bride thinks that anyone at the wedding is looking at the bridesmaid’s toenails, then she has much bigger problems. Not to mention is an utter control freak with completely the wrong priorities on a day which is meant to celebrate a lifelong union with her partner, not be an over-organised photo opportunity.

DD was in tears last weekend over an old school friends wedding. She's ended up spending nearly £900 on a 4 day hen abroad that the MOH themed with different outfits every day that she won't wear again. They'd booked a villa miles from anywhere so ending up spending a fortune on taxis, meals out, clubs etc. Then she had a second hen for those who couldn't travel and that was another £150. The wedding was themed so DD had to get an outfit as well as her BF; the bar cost an absolute fortune and I ended up picking them up from a hotel 30 miles away at 1am to save them having to spend £300 on a hotel room and brunch the next day. They're trying to renovate their house and she was devastated at the money she feels she's wasted which would have carpeted the living room and hallway.

It’s because it’s part of the bizarre trend to treat an entire group of people as an extension of the bride herself. They have to “match” somehow, like a furniture suite. As if she is so important that the people surrounding her are accessories to her, and clones of each other.

I want my friends and loved ones to come to a celebration exactly as they are, exactly as they want to be, and exactly as I know and love them. I don’t care if they don’t all look like clones in the photos, surrounding the most “important” person (by the way, does the spouse ever feature in these choreographed plans?)

And I wouldn’t want my friends to spend a single second thinking or worrying about getting something right, to please me or make something right for me. I just want them to get showered, get dressed, feel good, show up and have fun.

Anything beyond that is bordering on bonkers.

I hope the money you now have for a house deposit means you have a house of your own a bit sooner, and well done for deciding now.

Did you let the Bride know about the abusive messages you received from her Mother and the MOH - I think she should see what kind of people they are, it’s them that have ruined the wedding, not you.
I think you should screen shot them and send them to her.
I don’t blame you for ducking out, entirely reasonable.

I'm wondering if anyone else feels the same way and follows suit 😬 I'm glad you feel better, hope she understands and replies nicely x

Get your money back, sounds dreadful.

Madness, sending abusive messages. Dictating what people wear.

They sound awful.

Weddings used to be lovely events..family and friends, all ages, all on one day..nothing over the top. It really was about love, friendship and having fun. Now I know young people reluctant to get married because of the huge cost and they don’t want to be seen as doing less than their friends have. It’s sad.

This is utterly insane well find for cancelling. Has the bride replied?

I hate weddings. We never go unless it is very close family (none left to get married 😂).

No wonder she's struggling to get people wanting to come to her wedding, what a shower of horrors!

Why do some people go so completely insane when it comes to bloody weddings?