WIBU to cancel holiday?

[Booklover20]

Me and my partner were invited to a ‘friends’ wedding abroad last year.
The invite seemed like a second thought as the bride was struggling for guests and also bridesmaids. I used to work with the bride 4 years ago and kept in contact and meet up for a coffee every now and then, we aren’t close.
i accepted the invite and agreed to being a bridesmaid but it’s caused me nothing but stress, the MOH is horrid and I have had nasty messages from both MOH and MOB,
they are dictating things even down to the colour of my toe nails.
the holiday has cost me and my partner £2.6K which is a lot of money as we’re currently saving for a house.
the hens do was this weekend which I cancelled on and was laid to send £50 for a contribution to food even though I wasn’t going (I still paid for my place etc which I didn’t mind doing) I had to cancel as the stress and awful messages caused me to end up in hospital with the stress of everything giving me blood clots and severe migraines.
i am considering cancelling the holiday as the messages I have received this morning about nail colour have tipped me over the edge, I know I will lose a friendship over this although I don’t really care and wouldn’t miss this friendship either.
i can get £2.2k back and put it in my house deposit pot.
so AIBU to cancel my holiday and not be a bridesmaid in a friends wedding.
ps the wedding is in September

@Booklover20

well done for cancelling. £200 lost is definitely a price with paying! (It would have cost you WAY more than that there, so you haven't really lost money, you've saved loads more on top of your refund. 🤗

Does the Bride actually know the kind of messages you've been sent???

I hope she replies favourably soon, it would be much nicer! But bottom line is, she a 'bit player' in your life, stop worrying about what she says. If she's shitty, so what? You don't need her in your life!! Plenty of people to have coffee with!!

Good for you for cancelling, it sounds an utter nightmare!. I understand people wanting weddings to be perfect and getting on edge more than normal, but this sounds utterly ridiculous. You are well shot of all of it - including the friendship.

I hope you feel better and no matter what they say, you always have the option of ignoring and blocking.

The best £200 you have ever spent! 👏👏

You will feel so much better now

You don't need to make up silly excuses. Why you accepted from a friend you aren't even close to is beyond me. Would you consider going but not as part of the wedding party? That will remove you from the issues with MOB and MOH.
I'd be truthful. Say the demands are too much. You can no longer justify the expense. .

I just told her my exact reasoning,
Hind sight is a really lovely thing and I wished I'd never said yes in the first place. I think I agreed as I felt awful she didn't have many guests or bridesmaids. I've cancelled it now and feel much better!

I went with YABU because it's a ridiculous thing to have agreed to in the first place!

Well done for cancelling and texting her.

I’m sorry you’re feeling anxious waiting for her response. I was hoping you’d feel a happy high from the relief it was done.

You’ve given her plenty of notice so try not to let it bother you anymore

Well done. Bride and groom sound horrible.

Well done. Definitely right decision.

@Booklover20

I just canceled the holiday and also messaged the bride.
I feel so much better and know this will help relive my stress and help with my physical recovery the stress has caused

^I just told her my exact reasoning,
Hind sight is a really lovely thing and I wished I'd never said yes in the first place. I think I agreed as I felt awful she didn't have many guests or bridesmaids. I've cancelled it now and feel much better!^

Well done OP! You've really stood up for yourself here and the £200 deposit loss is a price worth paying to get out of such a horrible situation with horrible people. No wonder the bride to be fell short of guests agreeing to spend their money to attend her away wedding.

Next time something similar happens, do give yourself a little thinking time (ie: "that sounds lovely but I'd need to see what my partner and I can move around", "I've already got something pencilled in for those dates - may I come back to you as soon as I've been able to confirm my previous commitment"). 🌹

I suspect one of them was going to make a nice tidy sum from the money left from each hen.

I just can't understand how these type of people have the audacity. How does anyone think it is reasonable to expect someone to spend 4K if not more on their wedding. When did weddings become a whole week? This is madness! Well done for standing up for yourself and saying no!

They sound absolutely unbearable and in so glad you cancelled. Imagine thinking you have enough authority over a grown woman to dictate how revealing her bikini is. Disgraceful.

I had this exact conversation with my mum a few weeks ago, the hen do was a four day trip and we were just invoiced constantly for things the MOH and MOB had planned without consulting us.
The bride in multiple occasions said to me oh you can afford it as you don't have a house yet or anything to pay for which is quite presumptuous I think as I don't share my financial situation with other people.
I am glad to be out of the situation.

Thank you, I really appreciate your response!
I definitely will in the future consider things more and think about what me and my partner actually want to do. Rather than just do things to please others x

Trust me I know! I wish I'd never said yes in the first place. I'm more annoyed with myself than anything!x

Has she replied?

No I haven't heard from here.
She has read the message though so she is aware I won't be coming.

You'll get either a bombardment or nothing, I feel!

Well done OP!

I get so frustrated, reading posts from people who are being absolutely walked all over in various situations (free childcare, running round after grown DH’s, taken for granted by friends/parents/anyone really) and they do nothing about it. Or are too terrified to do anything about it for fear of ‘upsetting’ things.

People need to understand that they have to stand up for themselves, not tie themselves in knots trying to please people who take advantage and simply do not care about them in the slightest.

People’s behaviour towards you shows you VERY clearly what they think of you.

Well bloody done for sending that message, valuing yourself and sticking up for yourself. Feel proud. Amazing.

i dont think telling lies is the best answer to be honest, lies have a habit of coming back to bite you.

if you genuinely are not bothered about being a bridesmaid i would be honest with the bride and tell her the truth. tell her what the MOH and MOB are doing and that its too much.

you might not lose the friendship, but lying isn;t right

Just hear to add to everyone's well done messages! What a relief.

To avoid further upset and stress, I suggest you block the MOH and MOB on your phone. You don’t need to stay in contact with any of them now and they have been very unkind to you. I wish you a speedy recovery!

Fantastic decision to cancel… to get 2k back and only loose 200 and not have to put up with their stress any longer it’s really a no brainer
there is no obligation or need at all to be a bridesmaid for someone you’re not even close to. A bit sad really that she asked but that’s her problem