WIBU to cancel holiday?

[Booklover20]

Me and my partner were invited to a ‘friends’ wedding abroad last year.
The invite seemed like a second thought as the bride was struggling for guests and also bridesmaids. I used to work with the bride 4 years ago and kept in contact and meet up for a coffee every now and then, we aren’t close.
i accepted the invite and agreed to being a bridesmaid but it’s caused me nothing but stress, the MOH is horrid and I have had nasty messages from both MOH and MOB,
they are dictating things even down to the colour of my toe nails.
the holiday has cost me and my partner £2.6K which is a lot of money as we’re currently saving for a house.
the hens do was this weekend which I cancelled on and was laid to send £50 for a contribution to food even though I wasn’t going (I still paid for my place etc which I didn’t mind doing) I had to cancel as the stress and awful messages caused me to end up in hospital with the stress of everything giving me blood clots and severe migraines.
i am considering cancelling the holiday as the messages I have received this morning about nail colour have tipped me over the edge, I know I will lose a friendship over this although I don’t really care and wouldn’t miss this friendship either.
i can get £2.2k back and put it in my house deposit pot.
so AIBU to cancel my holiday and not be a bridesmaid in a friends wedding.
ps the wedding is in September

Well done you!

To be honest, if it were me, I'd also make it my mission that the MOH and MOB find out that their behaviour was so unacceptable that this led to the stress and you having to withdraw. I'm not a nice person so setting off a fire between the bride, MOH and MOB would delight me as those latter two deserve nothing less by the sounds of it.

What is it about weddings that turn people into such nightmares? I’ve read countless posts on here and other forums about brides to be being incredibly unreasonable in their demands of their bridesmaids and guests to the point they end up ill like you did, or worrying themselves sick/ losing sleep etc. It sounds to me in your case, the bride might not know what the MOH and MOB are doing though. I’m so pleased you did the right thing OP well done. You might be pleasantly surprised by the bride’s reaction if you’ve explained how the behaviour has affected you. Fingers crossed you can now move on and keep your money for something worthwhile.

Cancel if it’s causing this much stress just on the hen activities.
your health is more important than any event

See previous thread about big weddings being over. Good for you.

A bonus is that you don’t have to find money for a wedding present, now. More money for your new house fund.

I have news for you.

NO-ONE WOULD CARE OR EVEN NOTICE
(With the exception of a few Anally Retentive Arses)

I can get my head around the matching toenails thing but no revealing bikinis? Presumably you're not wearing a bikini at the wedding so what business is it of anyone else?

Cancelled don’t feel guilty live your life your way

If I was getting married and told my friends that they had to have their toe nails a certain colour as bridesmaids, they would fall about laughing and then tell me to get a fucking grip of myself.

Well done you!
I really recognise that feeling of the weight dropping off you when you've let someone know you're out of the arrangement.
Now time for you to de-stress.....

This!! Although I may be inclined to explain why you ended up in hospital but that’s just my way. If there’s one thing I’ve learnt in life, it’s to go with my gut instinct which I have often gone against to the detriment of my well-being or mental health or enjoyment of a situation so if you’re having doubts definitely cancel and save the money for your home or use the money to go on a lovely holiday with your husband, nobody deserves to be made to feel like this. Good luck.

God no! Cancel and get your money back! Life is too short to put up with that crap!

Why does she have to tell MOB and MOH this though? She's already messaged the bride!

Cancel, cancel, cancel!

Then I'd send a lovely (!) message telling them to stick it and no wonder they struggled to get guests to go 😁

It'll make you feel better ❤️

Good luck when you get your new home.

I think you did the right thing in cancelling, but think you were in the wrong by just sending her a message. To cancel being someone's bridesmaid, whatever the circumstances (which are clearly justified in your case), you should have phoned her or told her in person.

She has! She has! She has!

Crikey, you’ve dodged a bullet there OP. The whole thing sounds like a friggin nightmare.

This trend for stupidly lavish weddings has to stop. Since when do guests pay so much towards weddings?

All future brides and grooms could learn a lesson here…if you want people to actually go to your wedding, don’t expect them to pay for it (let alone use valuable annual leave etc travel to another country) 🙄

Matching toenails isn't an unreasonable request? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
My response to someone telling me what to wear on my nails would be a massive 🖕🤣

@Grah if one of my best friends (hence being a bridesmaid) said can we all use the same nail varnish because we're wearing open toed shoes and can all match in, would that not be unreasonable to refuse?

I can't believe how many people say they'd take issue with that!

I just want to point out this wasn't what I took issue with, it was the final thing after a barrage of abusive and rude messages dictating what I had to do.
It also wasn't just nail polish we were told it had to be a professional pedicure.
Also the shoes weren't even open toe

Also the shoes weren't even open toe

That is insane.

'Can we?' is not the same as a demand that 'you must'.
I think op was saying these were a list of demands.
(Not that I'd be a bridesmaid anyway- job for children)

I've done similar. For me, the decision to say something or put an end to nonsense has been easy, the tricky thing is trying to stop them from taking head space. I'm still to work this one out.. I find best thing is to get on with my life and keep busy.

It also wasn't just nail polish we were told it had to be a professional pedicure.
Also the shoes weren't even open toe

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

oh god these people are too stupid to have in your life @Booklover20

i feel relieved for you

what was the MOH saying to you this past week that was abusive? Who the fuck does she think she is?

This bride and family are just setting this wedding up to fail, it’s still 3 months away. Thank goodness you’ve pulled out, I can’t think of anything worse than being told what I can and cannot do.